[colorado mom]

I have a 5 year old daughter from a previous relationship. My current husband has raised her since she was a baby and her biological father, who is on the birth certificate has basically abandoned her. He has even said in the past that he wants my husband to adopt her, but I can never find him because he disappears constantly. We live in Colorado and he lives in Tennessee. My question is, until I can legally change her name, can she use our last name in school? I wouldn't care, but it is she who has begun asking to have our last name ever since her baby brother was born last year. She starts kindergarten this fall and I want her to be able to use the same last name throughout school .

[JudyKayTee]

You cannot legally change her name without the birth father's consent - or, minimally, proof that he's been notified of the Petition to change her name.

So - you can locate the "ex" through the Courts (and he can be served through an ad in the newspapers with the Court's permission) and your husband can adopt her OR same thing but only a name change OR you can attempt to enroll her in school with another last name. Some schools will allow it, others won't. My school district will not.

Legally she has not been abandoned.

[colorado mom]

Do you know anything about proving legal abandonment? I am trying explore all options.

[ScottGem]

First, you can use any name you want as long as there is no intent to defraud. The school will require that her records show her real name, but may alllow her to use your husband's name on a daily basis.

However, your inability to find her father should not stop an adoption. It makes it harder because you will have to prove a good faith effort to find him.

You NEED an attorney to prepare the adoption petition, the Attorney will handle the attempts to serve him.

[colorado mom]

Okay if I go through will legal proceedings and find him and he decides to say No, what options do I have? Everything I have read says that I would need him to agree. Is there any way around it? He has forgotten her birthday for years and hasn't made any child support payments. Plus, the last time he called he left a voicemail saying my husband just needed to adopt her. I just don't think it's fair for him to have this much control when he makes zero effort.

[ScottGem]

Okay if I go through will legal proceedings and find him and he decides to say No, what options do I have? Everything I have read says that I would need him to agree. Is there any way around it? He has forgotten her birthday for years and hasn't made any child support payments. Plus, the last time he called he left a voicemail saying my husband just needed to adopt her. I just don't think it's fair for him to have this much control when he makes zero effort.

Have you filed for support? If not, why not? And why do you complain about him not paying support when you haven't gone to court for it.

But if he has already said he wants your husband to adopt, why are you worried about it?

But if he fights the adoption, you go after him for support and/or you point out the court that he has played no part in your daughter's life. In all likelihood, the court will override his objections.

[colorado mom]

He has been court ordered to pay child support for years and he has been subpoenaed by Tennessee a few times for nonpayment and that is the only time I've seen any money. I don't need or want this money. My husband and I have always supported my daughter without any help from him.
I'm worried because he is an incredibly selfish, egotistical and illogical person. I wish I could talk to him like an adult, but I strongly believe he would object solely to spite me. His objection would have nothing to do with wanting to be in my daughter's life, because he has had plenty of time and opportunity and he doesn't

[ScottGem]

Like I said, you CAN use his lack of involvement to push through the adoption. On the other hand, for him to protest he needs to show up in court. If he received the request for relinquishment and doesn't sign it, your attorney can ask that a warrant be issued for his non payment of support. So, if he shows up he gets arrested. If he doesn't show, you get the adoption by default.

[JudyKayTee]

He has been court ordered to pay child support for years and he has been subpoenaed by Tennessee a few times for nonpayment and that is the only time I've seen any money. I don't need or want this money. My husband and I have always supported my daughter without any help from him.
I'm worried because he is an incredibly selfish, egotistical and illogical person. I wish I could talk to him like an adult, but I strongly believe he would object solely to spite me. His objection would have nothing to do with wanting to be in my daughter's life, because he has had plenty of time and opportunity and he doesn't

And then it goes back to the same question - was he incredibly selfish egotistical and illogical when you got pregnant?

I'd take the money and put it away for my daughter's education, but that's just me. I'd also be pursuing him to pay.

Good that you don't want or need the money. With College expenses the way they are you are in the minority.

I'd use the money to pressure him into signing.

Whether he pays or not, if he won't sign, he won't sign.