[adebs]

I had dated a guy for 3 yrs before I moved away to go to graduate school. At that time we agreed to stay together but we slowly drifted apart. We'd see each other at christmas and it would be like old times but back to school I went and back to his life he went. We never formally discussed it but we started dating other people. We talked occasionally but never about dating other people. Well I met another guy and dated him for about a year and a half and got engaged about 2 months ago. When my ex found out he immediately contacted me and begged me not to make a mistake. We had a real heart to heart and he told me he dated some other girls but no one ever compared to me. I know he really does love me. I also know how much my fiancé loves me and I don't know what to do. To make matters worse my parents want me to get back with my ex and aren't really talking to me right now. Both guys are such wonderful men but how do I decide? I know only I can make that decision but I don't even know where to start. I'm so distraught right now I don't know what to do. Any advice would help.

[JoeCanada76]

First: Who Do You Know Better?

Second: Who Are You Happier With, Somebody You See Once In A While, Or Somebody That You See All The Time.

Third: Why Begging, Why? This Guy Finds Out Your Moving On Then He Decides He Wants You Back. Sorry, But In My Opinion You Snooze You Lose.

[chuff]

I think Jesushelper said it best so I'll just reinforce it. But your ex didn't value you until he found out that you were going to be taken permanently. Then he suddenly realized what he was going to be losing. I'm sorry but if he didn't know when he had you, then when was he going to find out? And to be honest, neither of you could have been serious about the other if you both started dating others.

[grammadidi]

I have a saying that I like to rely upon when I am confused: "When in doubt - DON'T!"

I think your confusion stems from the fact that you are unsure and if you are unsure, then you are not at a place in either relationship where you are truly ready to commit. You have feelings for both men, but if you feel you must decide, then do you really love either one of them enough to commit and spend the rest of your life with them?

You speak of how much they love you, but not once did I see anything about you loving them. I think you should not make any rash decisions, but you should talk to your fiancé and tell him that you are confused and need some time to get in touch with your real feelings. If he truly loves you he will understand.

As for your parents, I am sure they love you, but this is really something only you can decide. This is your life! This is your happiness! I say take a step back from both and find someone non-judgemental to talk to. Perhaps a counsellor, a minister, a doctor or even an unbiased, trusted old family friend. You are the one who must feel confident about your next step. Don't make it until you are!

Hugs, Didi