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    meecy12's Avatar
    meecy12 Posts: 133, Reputation: 2
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    #1

    Mar 1, 2007, 03:21 PM
    Secretive teenage depression
    I have been depressed for four years and my parents still don't know. They really need to but I am indescribably terrified. How can I gain the courage to tell them?
    Squiffy's Avatar
    Squiffy Posts: 499, Reputation: 84
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    #2

    Mar 1, 2007, 03:26 PM
    Have you thought about writing them a letter? It might seem a bit daft, but it would let you say what needs to be said but without having to say it to their faces. Hope you are OK, depression can be cured given the right treatment and lots of time and support. Good luck.
    kp2171's Avatar
    kp2171 Posts: 5,318, Reputation: 1612
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    #3

    Mar 1, 2007, 03:36 PM
    I don't know your relationship with them. What makes you think they will be mad, or that this is something to be terrified of?

    My daughter was diagnosed with depression in HS after her grandfather passed away... he was her father figure growing up before I married her mother. It was bad enough that she was becoming physically ill.

    Knowing this she was able to get help with the aid of her mother. She had some meds that seemed to help. She doesn't use them anymore. She also saw a counselor to talk to about her fears. It really helped her a lot.

    Today she is in college and doing well. She has occasionally met again with a counselor when she feels things weighing her down, and again, it helps.

    Seeking help is not a sign of weakness. Its an active effort of strength. You know you could use some help. You should get it.

    Unless you can expain why you are so scared to tell your parents, I really cannot think of why you should spend another minutes alone with this.
    tinsign's Avatar
    tinsign Posts: 275, Reputation: 66
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    #4

    Mar 1, 2007, 03:42 PM
    Honey parents are more understanding than we get credit for, sit down with mom or dad, or if it helps you easier to a favorite aunt, uncle, even adult friend and explain how you have been hurting and suffering from depression. If you discus it with someone other than parents ask them to please help you tell them. It might surprise your parent/parents at first since you think they haven't noticed it but chances are they have. They will most likely appreciate your honesty with them and get you evaluated by a professional in that field.
    AKaeTrue's Avatar
    AKaeTrue Posts: 1,599, Reputation: 272
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    #5

    Mar 1, 2007, 04:05 PM
    Writing them a letter could be a great way to open the door for conversation, but you will need to speak to your parents about this.
    There is no cure for depression, but there are treatment options.
    Some people experience depression because of certain unfortunate events that have accrued in their life and take medication to help pull them out of their rut. Other people, such as myself, have suffer with depression for no reason at all and it's a life long battle. Medications and life coping skills benefit both sides of depression.
    I had troubles starting in my very early teen years (I'm 30 now). I was on every medication imaginable up until last year. They helped me pull through many dark and sad days. Last year I stopped all medications and started learning life coping skills... So far so good...
    Depression isn't anything to be ashamed of. It happens to the best of people. The best thing you can do for yourself is to get it under control and that starts by telling someone...
    meecy12's Avatar
    meecy12 Posts: 133, Reputation: 2
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    #6

    Mar 1, 2007, 04:21 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by kp2171
    i dont know your relationship with them. what makes you think they will be mad, or that this is something to be terrified of?

    my daughter was diagnosed with depression in HS after her grandfather passed away... he was her father figure growing up before i married her mother. it was bad enough that she was becoming physically ill.

    knowing this she was able to get help with the aid of her mother. she had some meds that seemed to help. she doesnt use them anymore. she also saw a counselor to talk to about her fears. it really helped her a lot.

    today she is in college and doing well. she has occasionally met again with a counselor when she feels things weighing her down, and again, it helps.

    seeking help is not a sign of weakness. its an active effort of strength. you know you could use some help. you should get it.

    unless you can expain why you are so scared to tell your parents, i really cannot think of why you should spend another minutes alone with this.
    I am afraid to tell them (moreso my mother) because she has a very short temper and does not handle things well. She never blames herself, only other people or God. She often says I'm selfish and should be ashamed under her breath, and not too long ago, she whispered, though I could clearly hear her, "if you want to kill yourself, then go ahead." When she is frustrated, she says things she doesn't mean, but still... I just don't know what would happen if she knew the whole enchilada.
    tinsign's Avatar
    tinsign Posts: 275, Reputation: 66
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    #7

    Mar 1, 2007, 04:53 PM
    Sweetheart then go to a relative or someone that will help tell them, perhaps someone your parents really hold in high regards to help you with explaining to them. I wish with all my heart the very best for you.
    meecy12's Avatar
    meecy12 Posts: 133, Reputation: 2
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    #8

    Mar 1, 2007, 04:56 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by tinsign
    Sweetheart then go to a relative or someone that will help tell them, perhaps someone your parents really hold in high regards to help you with explaining to them. I wish with all my heart the very best for you.
    I wish I wasn't such a coward. Then everyone would know by now. But thank you for the advice. It has opened a few windows for me.
    AKaeTrue's Avatar
    AKaeTrue Posts: 1,599, Reputation: 272
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    #9

    Mar 1, 2007, 05:36 PM
    Depression is hereditary and is usually the form of depression people have for no reason at all. Then when there is a reason to be depressed, the depression hits 100 times harder. Your mother could be suffering from depression too. Anger goes hand and hand with depression.
    I have this same problem. Being in control of my emotions have been a struggle my whole life.
    Luckily for me, my mother knew the signs and got me help when I was very young. Had she not, I'd be a miserable unhappy person blaming God and everyone else in His creation except myself. I know this feeling, because I have felt it many times... Thankfully, I learned at a young age that it's not everyone else's fault, nor mine for that matter.
    If your mother has depression, it's quite possible she is stuck in her ways... But, you don't have to be... You can beat this! You just really need to find someone you trust to speak to about this.
    Depression will eat away the real you and take over your life if not dealt with. Depression robs a person of their inner beauty... Don't allow this to happen to you. Seek help with someone... It's a hard step to take, but I'm urging you to do this for yourself...

    Kae
    ordinaryguy's Avatar
    ordinaryguy Posts: 1,790, Reputation: 596
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    #10

    Mar 1, 2007, 05:59 PM
    Had to spread the rep, Kae, but you're on the dot here. Speaking from experience has such power.

    Meecy, I really feel for you having to learn to deal with this without the understanding and support of your mother, but who knows, if you get help and conquer your demons maybe you will be able to help her to face and conquer hers, if and when she's ready to do it. At any rate, don't wait for her, do it now for yourself and your future friends and family.
    kp2171's Avatar
    kp2171 Posts: 5,318, Reputation: 1612
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    #11

    Mar 1, 2007, 07:43 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by meecy12
    i wish i wasn't such a coward. then everyone would know by now. but thank you for the advice. it has opened a few windows for me.
    Facing your emotional challenges is not the action of a coward.

    Trying to deal with these challenges alone isn't about being cowardly. It has a little to do with pride, perhaps.

    I, myself, went through a rough period of severe depression. I was married with a child, in a good, solid marriage. I sought help from nobody. I hid it pretty well. I had some dark, dark days. I could have used some help, and I could have gotten it had I just asked.

    Don't beat yourself up about not seeking help sooner.

    You do what you can when you can. You've gotten this far, and now you are trying to take a next healthy step.

    You are doing things right.
    valinors_sorrow's Avatar
    valinors_sorrow Posts: 2,927, Reputation: 653
    I regard all beings mostly by their consciousness and little else
     
    #12

    Mar 1, 2007, 07:54 PM
    If you are at an age where you are seen by a doctor by yourself, you might want to confide in them. Your doctor can be invaluable in breaking the news to your folks. Sometimes it helps to have it explained by someone else who is not going to make it sound like anyone's fault. If this isn't feasible, then perhaps a school counselor or a minister? I know that it can carry an incredible stigma in some people's minds. I took remarkably big heat from several family members for seeking professional help when I reached my early adult years but by then they couldn't do very much to me that I couldn't accommodate. You need someone in your corner on this besides all of us here!
    kp2171's Avatar
    kp2171 Posts: 5,318, Reputation: 1612
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    #13

    Mar 1, 2007, 07:56 PM
    I missed your response about your mother.

    You can't be responsible for someone else's actions.

    If she isn't caring or kind in hearing what you have to say, that doesn't reflect you... it reflects the actions of someone who also has difficulty dealing with life.

    Perhaps she feels guilty, but transfers the guilt into blame? I can't say.

    You just need to focus on yourself. If your parents won't support you, that is their downfall and failure, not yours.

    You've been strong enough to get to here. I think you'll find you've got a lot more in you than perhaps you give yourself credit for.
    AKaeTrue's Avatar
    AKaeTrue Posts: 1,599, Reputation: 272
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    #14

    Mar 1, 2007, 10:09 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by ordinaryguy
    Meecy, I really feel for you having to learn to deal with this without the understanding and support of your mother, but who knows, if you get help and conquer your demons maybe you will be able to help her to face and conquer hers, if and when she's ready to do it. At any rate, don't wait for her, do it now for yourself and your future friends and family.
    Exactly!!

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