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uuuu · Jun 30, 2012, 08:55 AM

I'm not a virgin. How to hide this on my wedding night?

Homegirl 50 · Jun 30, 2012, 08:59 AM

You can't. You can lie and pretend pain but do you want to begin your marriage with a lie?

Fr_Chuck · Jun 30, 2012, 09:02 AM

There is no way he can tell, not all women bleed, some have more pain than others.

What nation and/or what culture do you belong to.

talaniman · Jul 5, 2012, 01:26 PM

Why do you have to hide this from your husband? That's not honest,or fair.

C0bra_M3nace · Jul 5, 2012, 01:50 PM

Seems to me like he wants a virgin, is that the case? Is that why you hid it from him. It would have hurt a lot less if you told him much earlier, or would that have pushed him away?

Seems to me like this whole relationship is bent on this lie. How many more lies are there?

mmresd · Jul 5, 2012, 01:58 PM

You just don't say anything, not a great way to start a marriage though.

uuuu · Jul 6, 2012, 07:50 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Why do you have to hide this from your husband? Thats not honest,or fair.

This my fixed by elders I can't hurt them...

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

There is no way he can tell, not all women bleed, some have more pain than others.

What nation and/or what culture do you belong to.

India... every one happy... I am confused... I am cheated by guy...

Homegirl 50 · Jul 6, 2012, 07:59 AM

You cheated and now this is the price you pay. I guess you begin your marriage with a lie.
Do you have to marry him?

Iqbal Khan · Jul 13, 2012, 09:55 AM

Leave the guy alone. He deserves better. Why can't you girls marry the person you slept with. Tell the guy who is marrying you that you are not a virgin. If he is OK with that then marry, otherwise don't, would you prefer to lie and carry the guilt your whole life? My suggestion would be to find the man who you lost your virginity to and marry him. He should be a real man and take responsibilities - if he is not willing to then file rape charges against him. That would teach him for not being honest and committed.

JudyKayTee · Jul 13, 2012, 10:29 AM

Originally Posted by Iqbal Khan

Leave the guy alone. He deserves better. Why can't you girls marry the person you slept with. Tell the guy who is marrying you that you are not a virgin. If he is ok with that then marry, otherwise don't, would you prefer to lie and carry the guilt your whole life? My suggestion would be to find the man who you lost your virginity to and marry him. He should be a real man and take responsibilities - if he is not willing to then file rape charges against him. That would teach him for not being honest and committed.

File RAPE charges against him? You are advocating the filing of false charges as some sort of revenge? Arrest as some sort of teaching someone a lesson?

Amazing - from a 20 year old, dating a 13 year old. https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...uy-682313.html

You are wrong - you are NOT very mature for your age.

Iqbal Khan · Jul 13, 2012, 10:35 AM

At least I care not to sleep around and take advantage of girls. I tend to be very careful when dealing with other. Especially girls and I believe in staying virgin till marriage that is the reason I am worried about the 13 year old. I would rather prefer being in prison than sleeping with any girl and leaving her. If I do sleep with a girl then I would marry her for sure even if she was hooker.

JudyKayTee · Jul 13, 2012, 10:38 AM

Originally Posted by Iqbal Khan

At least I care not to sleep around and take advantage of girls. I tend to be very careful when dealing with other. especially girls and I believe in staying virgin till marriage that is the reason I am worried about the 13 year old. I would rather prefer being in prison than sleeping with any girl and leaving her. If I do sleep with a girl then I would marry her for sure even if she was hooker.

Oh, really? Come on - so if you have sex with a hooker you're going to marry her?

You sound younger and younger (and less realistic) with every post. It's good that you have a healthy ego.

You are very busy throwing stones at this OP - meanwhile, you were/are in a relationship with a 13 year old girl, hugging, kissing, cuddling, accepting gifts, "jerking off."

How does this post address justify filing false criminal charges against someone?

Iqbal Khan · Jul 13, 2012, 11:00 AM

I don't go around sleeping with hookers. I was telling you that If I ever slept with someone (that I won't do before marriage) I would surely marry her. I don't think you would ever understand since you people don't stay virgins before marriage. I have my morals and standards, we don't go around hurting everyone's feelings. Goes to show the cultural difference between us. Out here If we get committed there is no turning back. We stay with only one person till death and the 13 year old you are speaking of is dear to me, Has I said yes on that day to her - I would not ever think of any other girl and would marry her for sure. For you guys it would be easy to sleep with a guy/girl and forget about him the very next day. For us out here there is only one person till death. Once we are committed will stay with each other for life and to make things clear I am not in a relationship with this 13 year old girl, I am only worried that she may feel depressed, but I don't think you would care for other persons morals and feelings.

Wondergirl · Jul 13, 2012, 11:07 AM

Originally Posted by Iqbal Khan

For us out here there is only one person till death. Once we are committed will stay with each other for life

If you read many of the threads here in Adult Sexuality and Relationships, you will notice that younger Asians, in particular Indians, are no longer locked into that traditional idea of one mate and/or one sex partner until death.

JudyKayTee · Jul 13, 2012, 11:11 AM

Originally Posted by Iqbal Khan

I don't go around sleeping with hookers. I was telling you that If I ever slept with someone (that I won't do before marriage) I would surely marry her. I don't think you would ever understand since you people don't stay virgins before marriage. I have my morals and standards, we don't go around hurting everyone's feelings. Goes to show the cultural difference between us. out here If we get committed there is no turning back. we stay with only one person till death and the 13 year old you are speaking of is dear to me, Has I said yes on that day to her - I would not ever think of any other girl and would marry her for sure. For you guys it would be easy to sleep with a guy/girl and forget about him the very next day. For us out here there is only one person till death. Once we are committed will stay with each other for life and to make things clear I am not in a relationship with this 13 year old girl, I am only worried that she may feel depressed, but I don't think you would care for other persons morals and feelings.

"You people"? "We" don't go around hurting everyone's feelings"? Please - a generality at best.

I wasn't aware that you can't divorce in Asia, and marriage is for life.

Don't even attempt to say what would be "easy" or not "easy" for us (again with the "you guys") to do.

You don't seem to remember what you said. What you said was: "If I do sleep with a girl then I would marry her for sure even if she was hooker." You now remember saying, "If I ever slept with someone "

Don't even attempt to analyze if I do or don't care - I already know you don't think.

Again, PLEASE EXPLAIN, now that you've taken the moral high road, why it is appropriate (or even recommended) that the OP have her sex partner arrested for rape to teach him a lesson.

Apparently "you people" have little regard for the law.

We will never agree whether or not hugging, kissing, cuddling and exchanging gifts constitutes a relationship - to say nothing that you only dated (or "saw" on a friend basis) one person at a time.

PLEASE address the legal issue - otherwise I'm out of here and you're talking to yourself.

Iqbal Khan · Jul 13, 2012, 11:31 AM

@wondergirl - I don't know about other indians but I am raised with the believe that only one person for a lifetime and our entire relations are bound by those standards.

@Judy- Didn't you see that she told "She was Cheated?" - that is why I used hard words.
I admit English is my third language and I am not good with phrasing my replied and questions and true in India we don't abide by the law cause in India laws are made only to accommodate the earning potential and favors of politicians and rich people. You can see politicians swindle off crores off money and still roam freely and people killing and blaming other (probably poor) for the deed.

Wondergirl · Jul 13, 2012, 11:46 AM

Originally Posted by Iqbal Khan

@wondergirl - I don't know about other indians but I am raised with the believe that only one person for a lifetime and our entire relations are bound by those standards.

Then why, if you are fated to marry this young girl someday, are you thinking of spending time with a young woman your own age?

Iqbal Khan · Jul 13, 2012, 11:56 AM

For your information - I am a virgin and I have never cheated any girl. Would being friends with another girl be considered as cheating. I never did committed to any girl before. Its just that I have been in her company for so long and If I spend my time with another girl I would be able for forget being with her for a few years. Mind you - I would never ever engage physically with anyone till marriage (My parents and myself are very strick on this point).

Wondergirl · Jul 13, 2012, 11:59 AM

What if you fall in love with a young woman your age with whom you are spending time?

Iqbal Khan · Jul 13, 2012, 12:11 PM

Falling in love isn't an option. Out here you marry the girl of your parent's choice. If you want to do love marriage then you have to run away from home and it means disgrace to the society (stupid culture, I know. But I am born and bought in it) no future in running away from home. So both the young women and I know from the very beginning that we could only be friends and nothing more and by going out with the young women means like hanging out like friends do.