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Relghannam · Jun 28, 2012, 07:13 AM

My daughter will be 2 in a month. I don't work and spend all time with her. Lately she has been very clear how she doesn't want me around as soon as her father is. She would tell me to go away. And also lately when she would get angry or upset for something I didn't let her do she would hit me and start screaming and yelling. If she comes to our room during the night she would want her dad not me Honestly it is very hurtful to me. Not sure what I'm doing wrong but all I can see is her dad never says no or disciplines her and it's me all the time. And not ready to skip discipline in order for me daughter to like me. What should do? How to handle it?

JudyKayTee · Jun 28, 2012, 07:50 AM

I think a fact of life is that your children don't always like you - starting at birth.

What do you do when she hits, screams, yells, bites? Do you calmly and without getting upset put her in time out? If she leaves the place where time out occurs, then you calmly take her back and put her back in time out. She's so young that I wouldn't put her in time out for an extended period.

I know it hurts and it's hard not to react but I would remain calm.

A good answer to "I don't like you/I hate you," whatever she says next, is "I love you," again, calmly.

Your husband also has to take part in the discipline.

tickle · Jun 28, 2012, 08:04 AM

You can't take this seriously from a two year old who is not in full control of her emotions yet, although I know why you are hurt by this reaction. I think you should just downplay situations like this and let her know you think it is wonderful that she is happy to see her dad! After all, you are with her all day So take a break. As she matures and becomes to realize how important you are in her life, you will notice a difference.

Fr_Chuck · Jun 28, 2012, 09:17 AM

First dad needs to be part of the saying no, make him take turns, make him do some of the time outs and taking toys away when he is home.

Wondergirl · Jun 28, 2012, 09:55 AM

Just out of curiosity, what do you consider discipline, especially for a two year old?

You are going to have to become more creative in how you deal with her. Sing your instruction to her, play finger games with her, read to her, sit down on the floor and build block towers with her. Be sure, if she is doing something you don't like, get up from a sitting position (i.e. don't just sit and yell at her) and divert her with a toy or book or offer of a snack. Your imagination is your best friend when dealing with a two year old. And if she won't join in, just be there and quietly build the block tower or sing the song or read the kids' book on your own and act like you are having the time of your life. She will eventually "get it." A lot of swatting and spanking and time outs and so on will only make her more contrary and dislike you more.

Children tend to choose a favorite parent at various times during their lives. At times, Mommy is the only one who can do anything right. Then it switches to Daddy being the king of the world. Just know that these are phases in child development and don't work yourself into a tizzy. The phase soon passes and before you know it, there is something new to fret about. That's why raising children is so much fun -- it's a real adventure!

Taylor Dncan · Jun 28, 2012, 10:09 AM

I don't agree I am a firm believer in a spanking or a time out. My son is two years old and he gets spankings, timeouts, after I talk to him. And guess what he is an excellent child he listens he hears me and he doesn't take me or is father for a joke. Now a days you can not let your kids rule u. the bible even says spare the rod spoil the child. People wonder why there kids grow up hateing and killing and wanting to do what they want to do because there's no structure and the parents let the kids control them instead of us taking control. I wish my son or daughter would raise there hand to me... smh I bet that would be the first and last time they do so. God bless

Wondergirl · Jun 28, 2012, 10:19 AM

My suggestions ARE control--of myself and of the child. "Spare the rod and spoil the child" does NOT mean spank and physically punish your children or they will end up spoiled. That's a gross misinterpretation of the actual Bible verse* and "spare the rod and spoil the child" is NOT even in the Bible. It's from a 17th century poem by Samuel Butler called “Hudibras.”

“What medicine else can cure the fits

Of lovers when they lose their wits?

Love is a boy by poets styled

Then spare the rod and spoil the child.”

*Proverbs 13:24 “Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.” The Hebrew word for rod in this proverb describes a scepter or staff. A scepter was a large ornately carved staff that was a symbol of tribal or family authority. The first time the word appears is in Genesis 49:10.

LadyToni · Jul 8, 2012, 08:19 PM

Dad should also be in on disciplining your daughter and not leave it all to you to do. When he see's mom getting yelled at by the child, then he should step in and say that isn't how we treat people and certainly not how You will treat your mom. She needs to see that her dad supports you as her mom and will not sit by as she gets crazy on you. In regards to her wanting time with dad when you aren't around, go for it. You are with her all day, when dad comes home let him handle the childcare duties. I'm a stay at home mom and evenings is the time for dad to take over. Gives me a break to do things for me that don't get done all day. I home school and am teacher and mom all day and it is nice to get that break in the evening. Look at it not as a bad thing but a good thing. Children need both parents to help them grow. She gets your point of view daily, dad should have a time to be represented too.

J_9 · Jul 9, 2012, 05:28 AM

Right now, around the age of 2, is when the child is beginning to learn about boundaries and discipline. At 2 they get frustrated very easily because their little brains are taking in so much information. At such a young age they don't know how to control their frustration so many of them will hit, or bite, or kick. It's normal developmental behavior of the toddler of this age.

The most effective way to handle this is to get down to their level, look them right in the eye, and hold their little hand and tell them, in a stern voice, "we don't hit, that is not nice and it hurts. You wouldn't want mommy to hit you would you? Well, mommy doesn't like to get hit either." Then get up and walk away without another word.

This is a very trying time in the life of a two year old and patience and consistency are the key to help them overcome this hump.

Wondergirl · Jul 9, 2012, 09:58 AM

Originally Posted by jharana

how can you possibly teach a 2 year old disciplines ???

You start even before a child is 2. And teaching a child right from wrong works very well from birth on. Entire books have been written about how to do it. I have two very well-behaved, successful, and happy sons aged 37 and 41 because they were properly "disciplined" from birth forward.

As a moderator, I'm saying to you that anyone can respond to your question. Judy's comments were what I would have said had I thought fast enough.