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Inwardandupward · Jun 27, 2012, 03:51 PM

I live in NJ. My husband and I have been separated off and on for the past 5 years. He had an affair 5 yrs ago and has a 21 month old son w/ his mystress turned girlfriend (who has a 6 year old daughter w/ another man). Together we have 3 daughters 11, 8 and 6 years old. We're losing everything including the house (where I live w/ our girls). I'm thinking I should move back to my home town so that I can finish the degree I gave up to marry and care for any children. That seems to be the only way I can support myself and my girls in the manner in which we became accustomed to living. NJ laws seem very strict but ironically liberal. Infidelity makes no difference in divorce proceedings. Is such a move possible?

JudyKayTee · Jun 27, 2012, 05:02 PM

You have to sue for divorce in the State where you are a resident. Is this all in NJ?

Consult with an Attorney in your area. You are married - he can move, you can move, you have the same rights as far as the children are concerned.

As far as the affair and child - right that is not grounds IF you knew it and continued to live with him.

I don't understand the difference between mistress and girlfriend -

I'd file for divorce and make plans to move - with the Court's permission. It's difficult to sneak off with 3 children, if that's what you are thinking of.

Inwardandupward · Jun 28, 2012, 07:30 AM

Thanks for answering Judy..
Just for clarity, yes this was all in NJ. He had the affair and didn't actually end things with the then mistress. I now call her girlfriend because I have removed myself from the equation. Before, we were supposed to be working on saving our marriage - this obviously didn't work out because he never really came back to make things work - physically but not mentally, emotionally, spiritually (any of the ways that count most). We are getting divorced! The baby came 2 years into the two of them carrying off and on. In NJ, its not groungds whether you knew it and stayed. Often people want to pass judgment on a women who decides to stay after betrayal. Perhaps I once did too. I have come to learn that one never knows what one will Thanks for answering Judy..
Just for clarity, yes this was all in NJ. He had the affair and didn't actually end things with the then mistress. I now call her girlfriend because I have removed myself from the equation. Before, we were supposed to be working on saving our marriage - this obviously didn't work out because he never really came back to make things work - physically but not mentally, emotionally, spiritually (any of the ways that count most). We are getting divorced! The baby came 2 years into the two of them carrying off and on. Often people want to pass judgment on a women who decides to stay after betrayal. Perhaps I once did too. I have come to learn that one never knows what one will do until she's faced with a particular senario. I'm a women of God and I felt I had to try. If not for myself, for our children. Seeing the sadness in their eyes brings out many emotions in me. But most of all it makes me want to cry and try again and again for their sakes! They are only young momentarily. I know most people argue that it's not good to stay together for the kids only. But my experience is telling otherwise. It really depends a lot on the maturity and integrity of the adults involved.

JudyKayTee · Jun 28, 2012, 07:33 AM

Believe me - I understand! It's hard to give up on a marriage and someone once told me that it's not about losing a husband. It's about losing the man you THOUGHT he was.

It's also difficult to admit that no mattr how you try YOU can't change anyone.

And you can look your children (and yourself) in the face and know you tried!

Good luck and thanks for the response.