[REdgar]

My boyfriend of almost a year and I haven't had sex, we've tried, but I had a bad relationship in the past and my ex tried to force himself on me. He did insert his penis before I could push him off me, and I was so young. But now I feel like I'm ready to take this step with my boyfriend, he's been so good and patient with me. But every time we make it to bed I freak myself out, tighten up, and stop him. How can he and I get over this?

[CravenMorhead]

I do not believe that he needs to do anything but be supportive and understanding of your situation. Not make demands on you or pressure you in any way.

You... That is another kettle of fish entirely. I would recommend counseling. This is something that is affecting you and something you should get looked at.

Now if you are not wanting to go for counseling than there is another option. What you need to do is climitize yourself to your boyfriend. Essentially convince your emotional self that he isn't going to try to Rape you. Which is what your previous boyfriend tried to do. Start by just sitting in bed and being comfortable. Once you're comfortable than the next day try it with less clothes, say shorts and a tank top. Same for him. Don't do anything sexual. Just get used to the idea of being more vunerable with him. Do this for a few days until you are COMPLETELY comfortable with him. Next do the same in just your underwear. Again only if and until you're completely comfortable. Do the same with both of you completely naked. No sex, no foreplay, just being comfortable together naked. Once you're completely comfortable then try having sex. Make sure to use at least one, if not more, forms of protection.

The idea here is be comfortable with being completely vunerable with your mate. He needs to understand that he is just there to help. He isn't going to doing any foreplay or sex.

This could be tricky and relies on you being comfortable and disassociating yourself and your boyfriend from that earlier situation. I would rather you see a Counselor instead of what I described above.

Good Luck.

[smoothy]

Couldn't have said it any better than CravenMorhead above stated.

[kaimore]

I also agree with CravenMorhead.

I was actually in this situation with my boyfriend a few months ago. And the only advice I can give is what worked for me. Counseling for starters. And the thing about counseling no one told me is you can do it for ten years and if you don't have the right therapist it won't help. The sucky part is I can't explain how you will know when you have the right therapist. So don't be afraid to shop around if you can. If you don't have insurance there are free services, I've always used Google to find that type of stuff. Sometimes you have to look hard though.

CravenMorhead's intimacy idea was a good one. I went with a less sophisticated version and literally slept with my boyfriend for quite awhile before we did anything besides kiss.

And this is something I do that I've never heard of, that has just became a habit for me. When we are having sex and I start to feel myself having issues I'll grab his hand and hold it and that brings me back to who I'm with. And he seems to have caught on to this so he'll say one of our inside jokes or kiss my hand. But honestly it took me awhile to get there and in the beginning I had to tell him to stop after we started more than once.

And just remember to keep communication open. My boyfriend knows about my past and that probably keeps him from feeling like it's his fault when I have to tell him to stop.

Hope some of this helped. Good luck!