[rasingh]

Hi I am a 4o year old widower my wife expired due to brain hemorrhage in 2010 . I am a govt employee and having 20 years service left for retirement. I have two kids one is 17 years old son and another 12 years daughter. This year my son completed his 12th and managed his admission I MBBS. All my relatives are after suggesting me to have a second marriage and give a second chance to life. I loved my wife very much so I fill second marriage will be a betryel for my wife. As my son got admission he has to leave me , so Now I also convinced myself to have second marriage as one girl , she is quite educated and shown willingness for marriage with me but my problem is thaat how I convince my son for my marriage because without their consent I think my marriage will not be trouble free.

[Wondergirl]

Your son is going off to university and into his future. Your daughter's opinion would matter more in a sense because she is still at home. What does she think about your remarrying? What does your son think? Have they met this woman?

[rasingh]

Personally I have not disclosed my desire for second marriage to my son but my daughter know it her opining is what ever his brother opinion that will be her opinion she said me when asked her opinion

[Wondergirl]

Does your son know the woman at all? Have you ever suggested to him that you might remarry someday, that you are lonely and still have many years ahead, that once your two children leave for university and careers/marriage, a good wife for you would be nice.

[joypulv]

I'm curious why you are asking how to 'convince' your son when you haven't even mentioned it to him yet? Has he said things in the last 2 years that imply that he thinks you should never remarry? Even if he has, time does change feelings such as that, and maybe he is willing to accept the idea now. I'm sure he knows how much you loved your wife. But he also needs to know that 40 is not ancient and in fact is quite young, and that you would like to have someone without abandoning your good memories. Tell him! You were able to ask your 12 year old, so I'm sure you can do this tenderly. It's a nice gesture to ask him but you don't really need to; you can tell him and ask how he feels.

[rasingh]

Thank you for your reply. I never asked my son about my marriage but my old mother asked where he show resentment. Ok I will try to talk to him on this subject because I had suffered lot but now don't want to loose my family

[Fr_Chuck]

First your marriage will never be problem free, Also sorry to be rude, but your children will grow up and move out and have their own husband and wife latter. Long term you will be alone if you don't find a new life partner and marry.

Kids often have selfish reasons for not wanting a dad to remarry to "replace mom" So at the end of the day you have to do what makes you happen, and then tell them what you are going to do, and try to make them understand.

Getting their "permission" is like giving them control of your life and they will see this as a way or reason to try to control you more latter.