[nicnac66]

My adult son (30 yrs) asked me if he, his girlfriend and my grandson could move into my home 5 months ago. They were experiencing financial difficulties and asked if I would help. My son said it would only be for a couple of months. They stayed for free for one month then I decided to charge them rent. The three of them 50% and myself 50%. My son is a dry waller, capable of working. He chooses to work only enough to pay his portion of the rent and is always late by 2-4 weeks. I told him before he moved in that I was struggling financially, lost my job, on unemployment and I couldn't afford to take care of him or his family. He works about 1 week, then quits. He makes barely enough for them to survive and never gets ahead. His girlfriend does not work and both of them sit around on computers all day.

My home and the things in it are important to me and I do not have the money to replace the things they damage. I had already put most of my valuables in my room so my darling grandson would not have any temptation. Both of them have become increasingly disrespectful to me. For example: The other day I noticed my 4 year old grandson had leaked out of his diaper and pee was on my white couch. I let them know it would have to be cleaned before it stained. My son's girlfriend began talking about how she has so much laundry to do and the "poor her" sob story. Then my son pipes up and says "Do you have a $1.50 to give us" in a real nasty way. I let them know that regardless, the stain must be cleaned as soon as possible. I was careful to ask politely as possible. Meanwhile they spend their money on take-out food, cigarettes, candy, chips, pop etc. My son's girlfriend started getting anxious and mad storming around etc. I said, "It seems like you have an attitude about this." She started saying disregarding things like, "Whatever Mary" I was trying to explain my point of view standing about three feet away as she laid on the couch as usual. Then she told me to get out of her face. It was impossible to be in her face because I was not close up to her. I then told her she needed to respect me in my own home and she said, "Or What?" I responded, or you can leave. Then she threw a temper tantrum and was screaming and yelling about how bad she has it, and how rude I am. My son even piped up and called me a . I remained calm.

Both she and my son have told me to go to my room when they are angry. They seem to think that because they pay rent they can say and do whatever they please. They are both very messy but I have ignored it telling myself its only until they find their own place. My son's girlfriend has not wanted to live here from the start and has been telling my son lies about us getting into arguments when he is at work. I believe she exaggerates to put more pressure on him to move. He believes everything she says regardless. When I have tried to talk to him privately about it he tells me if he has to choose between her and I, I will lose. My belief is he shouldn't have to choose, and I have asked him to stay neutral and let his girlfriend and I work it out. He always comes to her rescue.

They have a pretty bad relationship and I think he sides with her to protect himself from his own troubles with her. Regardless neither one should be disrespecting me in my home.

His girlfriend threatened to leave and I said she needed to do whatever she needed to do. My son got involved and told me I would end up alone, without him or my grand baby (another threat). I really am at wits end. I know what I should do, set boundaries regarding respect or tell them to leave, but my son and grandson really are the only "family" that I have. Unfortunately these two adults know this and are using it to their advantage. My grandson and I are totally in love with each other, he would spend every moment with me in my room if he could.

So its been 4 days since the disagreement and both are ignoring me. But they are both still on computers all day. They don't seem to be looking for a place to live. I am angry, disappointed in my son and really feeling helpless.

Any suggestions?

[pethouse33]

First of all WOW... But your son cannot treat you like this. You need to put your foot down and tell them either they respect you and get jobs or they can pack their bags and leave. I do know it is hard saying this to your son but you cannot keep living like this. It is very unhealthy for your brain. You could help them find good jobs then send them off to a home of their own. I personally think that you cannot be a pushover in this situation, you need to take action and remind them that they are living in YOUR house.

Hope this helped!
Abby W.

[Wondergirl]

I'm concerned that your four-year-old grandson is still in diapers. Why is that?

[Fr_Chuck]

You evict them, no other choice

[mmresd]

Kick him out, he can fend for himself, you need to let Darwinism take it's toll on this one, you should not be accepting this behavior and you should have put your foot down from the moment it started, now you are obliged to do it in a more menacing way.

[Homegirl 50]

Put him out. Does the girl have parents? Let them mooch off her parents.
I'm with Wondergirl, why is a 4 year old still in diapers?