Check out some similar questions!

Marisais3 · Feb 27, 2007, 12:19 PM

I am 34 and my live in boyfriend is 43. Sex with us has never been a 5 days a week kind of situation (we have only been together for 5 months). Now.. if I had my choice it would be everyday! But long story short is that sex just is not important to him. He says it never has been.(when we first met I tried to discuss sex with him but he was not open to discussion, I just thought he was shy about it) I love him very much and I know he loves me. I have spoken to him about this only a few times because I am a grown women and I won't be a nag! I also feel as if I made my point. He also mentioned that the age difference could be a factor. I don't believe he has a medical condition( like to low testosterone(sorry if I spelled that wrong) because he can hold a erection through intercourse and not loose it even after( although I am not a dr.. ). I do not want to make him feel less of a man for not wanting it and yet I have reminded him once that even if he doesn't want it then maybe he can just touch and play with me. I was surprised in that it was as if I suggested something he had never thought of. But... still no response to that suggestion. I try to spice things up... but then he acts embarrassed. Is there a age when this normally happens to a man? I also hate to say that I find this lack of interest kind of odd for a man or am I wrong? I already know that I can't change him and I don't want to? I feel uncomfortable talking about this with him because I don't want him to feel bad for his low sex drive or whatever is going on. But, I have my needs to. When is it appropriate to start seeking a counselor because we do love each other. I know without a second of hesitation that I can not live in this relationship long term without sex.

shygrneyzs · Feb 27, 2007, 12:34 PM

It could be as he stated, he has never been "that" "all about" sex. That does not have anything to do with his age. There are men older than you boyfriend that claim to have a very active and healthy sex life.

Now there could be some physical factor going on - has he had a complete physical lately? Does he show any signs of depression? Those are things his doctor can address.

As far as counseling, it is better to receive some couples therapy sooner than later. You do not want to go into this relationship long term without some resolution as you what you identify as important. You already stated, "I know without a second of hesitation that I can not live in this relationship long term without sex.

You are right to say you cannot change him and I understand not wanting him to feel uncomfortable in disucssing this with you, but it has to be done. When you approach him about going to a relationship therapist and he refuses, then please seek some counseling for yourself. Someone who can help sort through your priiorities and see how they work within your relationship. Good luck.

Marisais3 · Feb 27, 2007, 12:34 PM

I forgot to add this to my last question.
I can't orgasm with my boyfriend. He has known this from the beginning. I have never been able to with any partner and I have excepted that I have to bring a small vibrator in to assist us. Which is only about once a month. I am OK with that. I forgot to add that when we were talking about this issue of his no interests in sex and I said well maybe you could just fake it and act like you want to have sex. He said... that maybe I could fake my orgasm. UMM... NOPE! I refuse to fake one! I then explained to him that I love sex even without one... he just said it kind of seems pointless. I really don't want my orgasm being his issue because it is mine and not a issue for me at all. Heck, get the dang toy out and use it during intercourse or as I finally told him... WHY DON'T YOU GET DOWN THERE AND TRY TO FIGURE IT OUT... SINCE YOU HAVE NEVER DONE THAT! Hmm>>>HE SAID TRUE... GOOD POINT. So... maybe this is why he has no interests to?

Thanks for listening to me ramble!

Marisais3 · Feb 27, 2007, 12:37 PM

Thank you so much for taking the time out to give me some advice! I need all I can get. Thanks!

Suicidal Addiction · Feb 27, 2007, 12:43 PM

I think you should go get it checked out by a doctor my friend had the same thing that your describing and she went to the doctors and they did this operation were they take so of the veins out of your toes and they put the veins in your vagina and some how it makes the orgasm work again lol

Love rian

Marisais3 · Feb 27, 2007, 12:47 PM

My first thought to this suggestion was why should I do that if I am OK with my body and what I need to orgasm. Then my next response was OMG.. what if I wanted it even more then!! HA HA.. but then again... the idea is something I hadn't thought of so thanks for the suggestion!

Hugs!