[beartest]

Hi,
I have been cheated and left by my girlfriend and it is twice that she did to me.
I have wailed and cried over it and ven attempted suicide.
I have become emotianlly very weak and I want to get over with it.
I had trouble sleeping so I am using hypnosis music to put me to sleep and I am practising meditation too to keep me motivated.
I want to be emotionally strong and I will do anything to achieve it.
I don't want to cry anymore and I will do anything that someone suggests to me here.
I want to help myself and I just don't know where to start.

I have stopped calling her and doing anything to contact her.

[Jake2008]

There is a danger between the time where you want to move on, and actually ensuring that you do. Far too often, as the bad begins to fade, the memories that are good can sneak up on you, and leave your resolve shaky.

There is work to be done, to learn, and reflect on the past, so that you can take experience and knowledge into the future. It is all to easy to go to the more comfortable place of familiarity, comfort, and faded memories (especially of the good stuff).

Moving on, is not a sudden buzzer that goes off in your head, telling you you are 'healed'. Moving on is a place more of confidence where the past relationship is not clouded by future ones. Far too many people in my opinion, don't do the work, or know what they have to do, and end up with the 'same' person, and same type of relationship, over and over and over.

Or move on and are temporarily happy, until things predictably, go sour again.

It is important to learn that no one person, is your 'everything'. To put 100% faith, trust, and love into one person, in my opinion, is not realistic, and asking for disaster. Ideally, two people are comfortable in their own skin, and do not need a partner in order to feel life is worth living.

To find a compatible mate that is 100% of everything you need, to me, is like setting yourself up to have a perfectly cooked steak in an expensive restaurant, only to dig in and find it far too undercooked.

While you go through this difficult time, I urge you to write your thoughts out in some sort of journal, especially when things are fresh in your mind. When you have your moments of doubt, and you will, take some time in a quiet place, and go through the thoughts you have written out.

You will see pain, and a much bigger picture of the relationship, which will boost your confidence, refresh your memory, and give you the resolve you need to keep moving forward. You will better know and recognize mistakes you do not want to make again, and hopefully this will help in knowing better, your needs and wants in future relationships.

Good luck.

[beartest]

Hi Jake2008
Really thanks for your answer.
I know moving on is not sudden.
I have been strong enough now to discuss it. Before I never even let anyone to help me out if they wanted me to. Remember Mrs. havisham of great expectations?
I was just playing Mr. Havisham.
I have learned one thing from my life so far.
We can't control if we can love anyone or not neither we can't control how much we love them.
What we can contro is how much strong we are so that we don't get emotionally shattered when some one leaves us.
I write all my thoughts and just do it on a daily basis. Whatever I want to say it to her or I feel about her, I write it.
There are sudden occasions when I cry and it is very difficult for me to stop it. I cry, wail and then after coughing lots get tired and go to sleep.
I cry when I see her pic or think about her and the time we had together.
I have to help myself.
Future relationships is not a question. I really don't want to jump in some another relationship just because some one cheated me. I want to know how to control myself emotionally and I really will do anything to get over with it, what ever amount of time it takes and what ever it takes.
I have never wanted something more than in my life than be with her, and if I can get her , I can surely get out of the pain that she gives me.
I just need to know how.
Thanks for helping buddy.