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662418082010 · Jun 11, 2012, 05:13 AM

The only real problem in my wonderful relationship is that I am jealous and it is causing tension in our relationship. No... he has done absolutely nothing to make me jealous. He works hard and is always home with me when he is not. He is a wonderful man, but for some reason I cannot stop being jealous. If it is not about a past relationship I am wondering, it is about how he drives his car (he has a flashy red corvette)... I imagine things in my head and I know they are false. I don't know how to stop it. He tells me if it doesn't stop that it will create too much tension for him to handle. He doesn't want drama or anything of the kind. I am afraid if I continue, we will end our relationship as he will not take it. We are not kids (both in our 40), and we have both had past experiences... how do I stop? Some people have told me it's one of the hardest things to overcome... Does anyone have any suggestions?

C0bra_M3nace · Jun 11, 2012, 06:02 AM

I don't think you are jealous of anything, you just don't trust him. You say you have no reason not to, but then why do you. Seems to me like you have an underlining problem that is causing your trust issues. Figure out why it is that you can't trust the man you should trust most in life and let us know, we can't help you if we don't know any reason as to why you are acting this way.

662418082010 · Jun 11, 2012, 06:13 AM

Truth is... I really don't know! I have always been a jealous and insecure person and I just don't know why. I am a good looking women, I work out, I take care of myself, have an amazing career... why am I so insecure and jealous. Why is it that some of my girlfriend are care free and make their relationships strong and I am cligny and jealous and can't seem to get a hold on it... that's why I was asking! Why?

C0bra_M3nace · Jun 11, 2012, 07:07 AM

Originally Posted by 662418082010

Truth is...I really don't know! I have always been a jealous and insecure person and I just don't know why. I am a good looking women, I work out, I take care of myself, have an amazing career....why am I so insecure and jealous. Why is it that some of my gf are care free and make their relationships strong and I am cligny and jealous and can't seem to get a hold on it...that's why I was asking! Why?

This could be something much deeper than meets the eye. Maybe something as far back as your childhood. I would suggest counselling, a professional who can help you determine what is making you so insecure.

JudyKayTee · Jun 11, 2012, 07:29 AM

You are the only person who knows where you've been, your previous experiences, your insecurities. We can all guess - but it's just guessing.

Why is the "flashy red Corvette" and how he drives it an issue?

Jake2008 · Jun 12, 2012, 06:29 AM

Jealousy is usually a mask for fear. And that comes in many different shapes and sizes.

It could be your lack of confidence in yourself, i.e. other women are more attractive than I am, why would he stay with me. It could be you don't feel 'worthy' of having a good man in your life; it could be that you are building up a wall in case he does prove to be untrustworthy down the road.

It is very difficult to step outside yourself, and take a good long look at the reasons, let alone change yourself so that you have the confidence and ability to trust someone completely. And even at that, there are no guarantees that that trust will last, and sometimes it feels like you're always in preparation for that inevitable end of a relationship, because you 'knew' it wouldn't last anyway. Sort of sabotage.

The flip side is, you could have loved and trusted before in other relationships, and learned the hard way that blind trust resulted in you not seeing signs that things were wrong. How many have been in the position of finding out, long after the fact, that the person they were with, were not worthy of trust in the first place.

Look for patterns. Have other (or all) relationships ended up the same way- that lacking trust, or confidence has prevented relationships from becoming long term. Have other relationships, that you have trusted with confidence, ended up being over because there was reason not to trust that you never saw coming.

If you need to address this issue, because it is causing problems in your life that likely involve more than 'just' trust, then get yourself into counselling. Face your fears, and learn how to think differently, so that you have a healthier outlook, that starts with confidence.

Will you always trust and be 100% sure? No. But, you can eliminate the hurdles you put between you and a relationship, which prevent it from moving forward without fear.

To me it is like you walk with a limp let's say. And you can't figure out why you are limping, and why you can't understand why you can no longer jog, or walk up a flight of stairs, or walk the dog without discomfort. You give up a lot of life's pleasures by not getting to a Doctor, and figuring out, why you are limping. Eliminating the problem, makes your life much easier to live.

It is simplistic I know, but think of jealousy and fear, as a handicap. That handicap is always with you, it makes life difficult, and keeps you stuck in that emotional place, and never moving past it.

Maybe the plus side of all of this is that you have reached a point where history is about to repeat itself again, and it is time for change. A time to work on yourself, and learn what you need to know, so that you can change that course and have different ways of dealing with what has become, predictable behaviour on your part.