[danacefreakx100]

I've had a relatively normal relationship with my mom up until this point. I'm 18 and I've been through the whole phase where we fought over stupid teenager/mother things, but now I feel like it's escalated. I have just finished my first year of college and I was very excited to move home for the summer, but we recently took a short vacation and I haven't spoken to my mother since we've returned (about 4 days). I think my main issues with her are that she doesn't DO much. She has a job and everything, but since me and my siblings have 'grown up' she doesn't do 'motherly' things anymore I guess. My Dad seems to be the only parent of the house because I feel like all she ever does now when she's not working is watch TV, tell my Dad what to do, and complain about how we never do anything around the house even though she's doing exactly that. I just get so frustrated with the way I'm treated. I don't want things to get worse and I've tried talking to her, but I just don't think that's an option anymore. She gets very defensive, starts crying and then the conversation is over once she tells me what I've been doing wrong. I don't know what to do anymore. I can't wait to move back to college...

[Wondergirl]

It could be biological (the beginnings of menopause?). It could be depression that her life is changing, her children are growing up, she has lost "control" of them, and that she feels less of value.

What can you do to stimulate her interest in life after she gets home from work?

[Jake2008]

Just what 'motherly' things are you feeling entitled to?

She still works, after raising her children and seeing them off to college, struggled with all the problems of raising responsible, conscientious adults, and no doubt, spent countless nights worrying about your health and safety and future.

And, after 18 years, she has done her job, and deserves to do whatever she pleases. It is her life, her time, her choices; which no longer have anything to do with you. She no longer owes you 'motherly' things. You are no longer a child, but you sure sound like a spoiled one to me.

She does nothing so you do nothing? I presume you are living rent free in her home, and it sounds like you are very ungrateful. Why do you need to be told what you've done wrong, instead of praised for what you do right? Does she need to mother you and gently direct you to the kitchen, and instruct you on how to do dishes? Or clean a bathroom? Cut the grass? Wash the floors? Do your own laundry?

She is not your equal. She has paid her dues, at at this stage of the game, when you've lived already a year on your own, you should respect the fact that she has peace and freedom in her life, when the children finally leave the nest.

She has to adapt to having another adult around, which is extra food, cooking, cleaning, picking up, vacuuming, higher bills for the summer, an upset schedule with likely later nights before she can fall asleep, waiting for you to come in the door. She's likely more tired than she has been, and still has to put in a day's work.

Being a parent is a very, very hard job, and one of expense and heartache far beyond what you have ever experienced in your 19 years. You are in no position to be critical of her 'doing nothing', until you have walked a mile in her shoes, and are mature enough to know what she has already given you for 19 years.

Perhaps next school year, you can make arrangements to get your own place, shared with a few friends, work one or two jobs to make your own ends meet, and save yourself the trouble of having to put up with your mother's ways...