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Sheryl123456 · Jun 6, 2012, 08:24 PM

Why does my boyfriend of three years not tell me anything about his baby mama? I just want to know how they met, why they broke up, etc. is it just me!

J_9 · Jun 6, 2012, 08:26 PM

He doesn't tell you because, truthfully, it's none of your business. That's his past history and most likely he wants to keep it that way.

Have you asked him why he won't tell you?

Sheryl123456 · Jun 6, 2012, 08:27 PM

Originally Posted by J_9

He doesn't tell you because, truthfully, it's none of your business. That's his past history and most likely he wants to keep it that way.

Have you asked him why he won't tell you?

He said the same thing , because it's in the past and he wants to leave th past in the past. But it if doesn't matter then why doesn't he just talk about it.

J_9 · Jun 6, 2012, 08:28 PM

Because it's none of your business.

Why are you fixated on knowing this?

Sheryl123456 · Jun 6, 2012, 08:30 PM

Originally Posted by J_9

Because it's none of your business.

Why are you fixated on knowing this?

Because! They share something special and they will always have a bond and no matter what they will always have "each other"

J_9 · Jun 6, 2012, 08:32 PM

How they met and why they broke up is truly none of your business. Yes, they share something (someone) in common, but the details of their relationship is between them and them only.

Sheryl123456 · Jun 6, 2012, 08:34 PM

Originally Posted by J_9

How they met and why they broke up is truly none of your business. Yes, they share something (someone) in common, but the details of their relationship is between them and them only.

That's not fair though. I share everything with him! And he asked if I would marry him so I know he's serious but if we were to be husband and wife we should be able to have an open channel of communication.

J_9 · Jun 6, 2012, 08:41 PM

It's very fair. You are not required to share past relationships with him, the past is the past and he wants to keep it that way.

An open line of communication has nothing to do with what is in yours/his past.

Sheryl123456 · Jun 6, 2012, 08:46 PM

Originally Posted by J_9

It's very fair. You are not required to share past relationships with him, the past is the past and he wants to keep it that way.

An open line of communication has nothing to do with what is in yours/his past.

But it's not in the past. Their relationship will follow him throughout his life. There's no way of them falling apart. And if I'm going to be a part of his life I should know everything about him.

J_9 · Jun 6, 2012, 08:54 PM

Originally Posted by Sheryl123456

And if I'm gonna be a part of his life I should know everything about him.

That's where you are wrong. It's not your business to know the private side of their past relationship. For example... I was married and had 2 children then I divorced. Well, years later I remarried. My current husband doesn't know how my ex and I met, what went on in our relationship. It's none of his business.

The only business you need to know about is what is going on now in your relationship with him and his child.

Fr_Chuck · Jun 6, 2012, 09:00 PM

Agree, you are obsessed and want to know something he does not and honestly should not tell you.

If he ends up telling you something ( if you hound him like a dog and throw a fit after fit) he will just lie to you, because he does not want or should tell you.

You need to accept that he has the right to keep something private. If you can't, you will never be happy.

This is how it works, he tells you that they meet at a Mexican food place, and that they broke up over her spending.

So you want to stop eating Mexican since it reminds you of her every time you do, then you start comparing how he meet you and you will find a way to feel cheated.

Then you will start fighting over these things, happens every day.

It is obvious you are obsessed, don't want to listen to the truth, ** guess you expected everyone to agree with you.

Is this your first relationship with someone with a past ?

talaniman · Jun 6, 2012, 09:15 PM

Do you have any kind of contact with the baby mama or the baby? Did you share your past with him willingly, or did he ask? Does he share other things about his past with you? How old are you both? How does he treat his baby, and her mama? Is he regularly in there lives? How long have you been curious about the baby mama? Are you afraid he will go back to her? Do you know his parents or siblings?

Sorry for all the questions, just need a better picture of you and him, and how you interact after 3 years, and considering marriage.

Sheryl123456 · Jun 6, 2012, 09:25 PM

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

Agree, you are obsessed and want to know something he does not and honestly should not tell you.

If he ends up telling you something ( if you hound him like a dog and throw a fit after fit) he will just lie to you, because he does not want or should tell you.

You need to accept that he has the right to keep something private. If you can't, you will never be happy.

This is how it works, he tells you that they meet at a Mexican food place, and that they broke up over her spending.

So you want to stop eating Mexican since it reminds you of her every time you do, then you start comparing how he meet you and you will find a way to feel cheated.

Then you will start fighting over these things, happens every day.

It is obvious you are obsessed, don't want to listen to the truth, ** guess you expected everyone to agree with you.

Is this your first relationship with someone with a past ?

Yes. It is the first relationship I had with a guy with such baggage. Why does he get to have to women and I only him.

Sheryl123456 · Jun 6, 2012, 09:28 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Do you have any kind of contact with the baby mama or the baby? Did you share your past with him willingly, or did he ask? Does he share other things about his past with you? How old are you both? How does he treat his baby, and her mama? Is he regularly in there lives? How long have you been curious about the baby mama? Are you afraid he will go back to her? Do you know his parents or siblings?

Sorry for all the questions, just need a better picture of you and him, and how you interact after 3 years, and considering marriage.

When he asks me questions I answer. But he doesn't like to talk about her especially. He says I will never meet the son and even if we do get married I won't need to meet him. It's like he wants to separate families, two secret lives.
I've never liked the idea ever since he told me! I thought he was joking with me! He is in his early thirties and I am in my mid twenties.
I have no idea how he treats her but he seems to enjoy his son. I have no idea what happens on the other side. I'm like th mistress.

talaniman · Jun 6, 2012, 10:37 PM

Are you saying you don't know his mom, dad, or siblings??

Sheryl123456 · Jun 6, 2012, 10:38 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Are you saying you don't know his mom, dad, or siblings???

I haven't met his mom, his dad is out of the picture. But I've met one of his siblings.

talaniman · Jun 6, 2012, 10:43 PM

Your lack of knowledge about this dude is disturbing to me. Forget the baby mama. I mean you do live together don't you? You have your own independent life without him at least? You have your own money/job?

Sheryl123456 · Jun 6, 2012, 10:44 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Your lack of knowledge about this dude is disturbing to me. Forget the baby mama. I mean you do live ogether don't you? You have your own independet life without him at least?

Yes I do. I live on my own and so does he.

talaniman · Jun 6, 2012, 10:55 PM

I find it amazing you have been with a guy 3 years, he wants to marry you but cannot share his family at least. He is an odd duck to say the least, and his baby mama is the least of your concerns it seems to me.

Does he have friends, or a social life you share, with others? How well do you know these friends? Seems your answer just leads to more questions. Sorry about that.

Sheryl123456 · Jun 6, 2012, 11:08 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

I find it amazing you have been with a guy 3 years, he wants to marry you but cannot share his family at least. He is an odd duck to say the least, and his baby mama is the least of your concerns it seems to me.

Does he have friends, or a social life you share, with others? How well do you know these friends? Seems your answer just leads to more questions. Sorry about that.

Yea I've been his friends but he's a very private person. So my question is how do you not worry about this other woman? Don't you feel like the number two? I heard all men feel that the women who bear their children always will somehow belong to them or have a special connection. I don't want him to have that with anyone else but me. Is that asking too much? I don't think so