[telly9]

I was in a lesbian relationship for a year and a half. It was long distance and had its ups and downs.

She asked me where I thought it was going and said she thought I was just happy to do the long distance thing forever whereas she wanted us to live together, so I suggested she move down to live with me and my son, but I said I'd need to talk to him about it all first. She says okay and we were supposed to talk again in a few days.

A few days go by and she calls me to say it's over. I had shocked and devastated to say the least.

I did the usual things you're not supposed to do, crying to her, begging her, completely losing all self respect!

Anyway some time has passed and we're sort of on speaking terms but I'm getting so angry with her. She tells me she loves me, but then says I don't want a relationship, calls me baby, says she misses me but doesn't want to be with me.

She has talked to me about funny things we did together, said to me the only time she sleeps well is when I'm with her holding her... But she doesn't want to be in a relationship with me.

It's all such a complete mess and I honestly don't know what to do. She's slept with other people and I'm waiting around in the hope that she'll change her mind.

I don't know what to do and I feel like I'm going crazy. I miss her so much and the little things she says like I love you, I wish I could hug you, I'm taking these as signs she wants me again but when I've asked her about it, she's said no, sorry, I didn't mean to give you the wrong idea.

It looks like I'm being played for a fool but this girl isn't a bad person and I honestly don't think she's some sort of game player but I honestly don't understand why she's doing this and I don't know what to do for the best..

Has anyone got any advice?

[talaniman]

Get your dignity and self respect back and stop the torture. Simply stop talking to her and getting high false hope with her blatter.

[telly9]

Get your dignity and self respect back and stop the torture. Simply stop talking to her and getting high false hope with her blatter.

Well I've blocked all means of contact with her now. Just a few hours ago actually. But I can see myself caving in and contacting her. I just wish I knew what her game was :-/

I go from beings really happy one day, to completely depressed the next. I'm OK when I'm around people, but if I'm on my own for any length of time I just get more and more down.

Does anybody else get this? Is it 'normal'?

[telly9]

Me and my girlfriend broke up 9 weeks ago or so. I've been absolutely distraught because of it. I'd just love it if she asked me back but I know she won't.

I've been working and seeing friends a lot which helps but as soon as I'm on my own I just feel so lonely and miss her and really want to contact her. We tried the staying in touch thing but it was horrible. Her telling me she loves me, misses me, wishes she could fall asleep in my arms again but when I'd ask if she wanted to give it another go she'd say no- too much bad stuff has happened.

It was all so confusing so I just said it was too hard to be in touch and said goodbye. I know I'd have ended up saying something horrible or snapping at her because of all the mixed messages and rejection...

Anyway... All I want to do is contact her but I know it'll do more harm than good. I just wondered how long it'd taken people to get over people. I was with this girl for a year and a hal but I've had much longer relationships that I've gotten over in the blink of an eye. I suppose it just means I really love this one or something, I don't know.

I just wish I could get her out of my head but I can't! :-(

Any advice?

[talaniman]

Just keep doing what you are doing as I seriously doubt you can leave a long relationship, and get over it in 9 weeks. As for those mood swings, they may be just caused by the break up, sounds normal after the end of a relationship, and a check up could reassure you. Can't hurt.

Were you having this mood swings during the relationship, or are they something that's happened since the break up?

But be patient as healing ain't easy, or quick. Stay busy. Keep finding things to do when you are alone, or by yourself.

[telly9]

Hi, thanks...

I honestly couldn't tell you when they started. I can't really think clearly. I've been really busy with work which helps but I just find myself waking up at night missing her. I sound like a sad sack but it's just so hard.

I know people go through this ALL the time and I know I'll get over it eventually. It's just hard, that's all :-(

[mmresd]

She has made her bed, it is time to let her sleep in it. If she says she doesn't want you, then give her exactly what she wants, ignore her completely, if she realizes that she does want you, then she will have to talk to you, and you will set your rules as she comes back. In the meantime, go no contact, and treat this as a break up, keep busy and start moving on.

[telly9]

She has made her bed, it is time to let her sleep in it. If she says she doesn't want you, then give her exactly what she wants, ignore her completely, if she realizes that she does want you, then she will have to talk to you, and you will set your rules as she comes back. In the meantime, go no contact, and treat this as a break up, keep busy and start moving on.

Thanks.. I'm trying. I just need the will power. We've had no contact in almost a wekk. No doubt she's moved on completely. She slept with someone a week or two after we split up anyway so she's probably still doing just that while I'm still missing her and wishing her to come back. I'm pretty certain I don't even cross her mind at all. Like you say, I just need to get over it and move on. I'm trying to figure out how though.

[talaniman]

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relatio...es-590267.html

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relatio...sh-510418.html

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relatio...kup-78597.html

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relatio...up-510427.html

[mmresd]

Thanks.. I'm trying. I just need the will power. We've had no contact in almost a wekk. No doubt she's moved on completely. She slept with someone a week or two after we split up anyway so she's probably still doing just that while i'm still missing her and wishing her to come back. I'm pretty certain I don't even cross her mind at all. Like you say, I just need to get over it and move on. I'm trying to figure out how though.

Like I said, just give it time. Don't try to figure anything out, it will drive you insane, remaining idle and concentrate on yourself, you will find the answers to those questions as time passes by.

[JudyKayTee]

Links got combined - thank goodness!

I think she's playing you - she says she loves you but, whoops! She didn't mean for you to take that in wrong way.?

No different from any other relationship when you're being emotionally abused. Time to move on, as painful as that may be.

You do sound upset. I'm so sorry you're going through this. I think you need to move on.

[telly9]

What a difference a few weeks can make :-)