[evaforever]

Cut a long story as short as possible for you peeps reading. I would very much appreciate any advice/opinions etc.
I fell in love with a girl 2008/2009 ish we met in 08 and were friends all through 09 and I developed feelings for her.
Ok so I have been straight and in a relationship with a man since I was 16, I met her when I was 18 at work (a patient) and became friends. I started working more closely with her for pretty much all of 2009. I was not happy in my relationship and at first she seemed like a kindred spirit, I felt really drawn in by her nothing sexual just really enjoyed being with her. We text a lot and at times I could have mistaken some of her texts to me as being flirtatious. She had been in opposite sex relationships prior and there was no sign from her that she was attracted to women though at times I had this 'feeling' that she liked me in that way. Her sitiuation meant that for a short period she needed me to help her as her health was not great at the time and I was there for her emotionally too.

She is 12 years older than me also, not that I felt a this was a problem for me but maybe she felt this was..

Anyway I realised I couldn't stop thinking about her, when I was with my boyfriend, he wasn't making me happy and friends kept telling me to break up that it wasn't working. I cared for him very much but fely the love draining away.

I spent more time with her and she knew to some extent that my relationship wasn't working and she would listen and be there for me.

I was having a rough time in my job and things seemed to be coming to a point where if I didn't do something I was going to go nuts. So I left my job and boyfriend and took a seasonal job abroad for 2010 which meant leaving her too. I text her saying things were getting too much in my life I was stressed and had to go. I left and my boyfriend and I were still in touch but he knew I had to do this for me. We officially broke up when I was out there over the phone.

I hoped that being away from it all would help clearmy head but it just seemed to make me more clear about her. I never stopped thinking about her.

When I returned late summer I emailed her and told her all. I explained that I was too frightened to tell her I may have feelings before as I might loose her as a friend. At the time my boyfriend was coming back on the scene and had started taking me out again and we were getting on a lot better and I had missed him, I guess I never thought there would be a chance for me and her so me and him got back together. I told her in the email that I knew I had fallen in ove with her but I was back with him.
The sad thing is that she never replied and I deleted her on Facebook to try and forget about her.

So its now 2012 and early this year she got in touch on FB and we have been talking a bit and she even came to see me and we chatted brielfly for a bit. She hasn't given me anything to go by asof yet but my god the 'feeling' is still there and stronger than ever. She knows I'm still with my BF. I feel annoyed because I have already made the first move and never had a response, maybe it was such a shocker though I think she did know deep down.

I feel I want to tell her that ym heart still lies with her, I miss her and feel confused. I care so much for my BF but not sure what love is anymore.

She has not been in any relationship that I know of since 2008. She is planning on seeing me sometime soon and we keep saying we should catch up, it seems to be all very friendly and no mention what so ever of the email I sent her all that time ago! Very confused and will appreciate any wrds of wisdom.

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