Check out some similar questions!

cherrycokesgood · Jun 2, 2012, 06:56 PM

First let me start by saying my husband and I were separated at the time I conceived. My husband and I are white, and the man I slept with is black. My husband and I reconciled very soon after I slept with this person. I was completely honest with my husband as soon as I found out. Of course he was upset... but neither of us think of it as cheating or anything as we had both agreed to move on at that time. My husband cannot have kids, and raises our 6 yr old as his own.

We are both unsure of how this is going to affect our family. And I am concerned as to how this will affect my husband in the future. Our choices right now are... have the baby and my husband be his father, completely. Or not have the baby all together. I don't know that my husband can accept the fact that while we were married I am having someone else's baby. I am afraid it is going to tear our family apart. My husband and I are not concerned about the race of the baby whatsoever... I will love the child because it is apart of me, but I am so afraid he will not be able to love this child as he does our older son. Opinions, advice... anything will help me feel a little more at ease at this point.

Fr_Chuck · Jun 2, 2012, 07:01 PM

It is something that you ( and the real bio father of the child) both need to discuss, Remember the bio father may, depending on where you live at, have rights to visit if he want them.

But then he may be willing to sign over his rights to allow your husband to adopt the child. And/or since the child will be born while you are married, he will be considered legally the father, unless the bio father files for any visits or rights.

Why not you and hubby go into counseling to deal with the sex, and the baby. What has he said to make you feel there will be trouble or is it just your fear at this pont

cherrycokesgood · Jun 2, 2012, 07:19 PM

There would be no way (unless I told him) that the biofather would know... but honestly for everyone's sake I think that's best.. and the only way my husband could deal, if he can at all. When hubby and I talk it's a lot of flip flopping on both our parts.. on what the future would hold regardless of our choice. I know he will stand behind whatever decision we come to.. but I know in my heart both have their own consequences. I worry that it may affect my son in the long run, we would have to e

cherrycokesgood · Jun 2, 2012, 07:22 PM

Explain how mommy had someone else's baby instead of daddys. I'm not saying that's difficult or in anyway a deciding factor though. I also know my husband think if we don't have this child I will always have that "what if" and quilt... and even the loss of the joy this child cound have brought to all of our lives.

J_9 · Jun 2, 2012, 07:25 PM

Originally Posted by cherrycokesgood

Explain how mommy had someone elses baby instead of daddys.

Explain to who?

cherrycokesgood · Jun 2, 2012, 07:27 PM

I think the fact of everyone knowing it isn't his baby will be very hard on him too. When I first told him he said... "would it be possible to pass as mine?" And when I told him he was black he said... "why couldn't it have been a white guy? We'd be a big happy family and our son will have a brother or sister". So that's another concern

cherrycokesgood · Jun 2, 2012, 07:29 PM

Originally Posted by J_9

Explain to who?

Our 6 year old son... but when he is older obviously

Wondergirl · Jun 2, 2012, 07:33 PM

What about the baby's biological father? Doesn't he have a right to know he has a child on the way?

Fr_Chuck · Jun 2, 2012, 07:43 PM

The bio father has legal rights, sorry but if he hears he can come back latter. Honestly is always the best. And there are more mixed families of kids or other marriages, affairs and more, if there is a family with just one mother and father and their own child, it is actually more the less common family.