Originally Posted by
jessi21612
My boyfriend went into a coma 9 days ago, nobody is really telling me everything.. they just said he had a lack of oxygen. He lives 900 miles away and I'm only 17 but I bought a plane ticket anyways, just so I can go see him.. All I do right now is stay in my room and cry.. i still text his phone (I may be going crazy) but it makes me feel better.. how do I deal with not knowing if he is ever going to wake up?
Just saw this - and I've been there. I can come at this question two different angles.
Having gone through this exact situation more than once and recently I would never criticize how any other person handles grief, loss, stress, uncertainty - you are coping by sitting in your room and crying. His mother is coping by going to her club or doing whatever else she is or isn't doing. Don't judge her or her emotions, feelings, connections, how she handles her son's coma.
As the wife of the coma patient the LAST thing the family (and hospital staff) needs is friends gathered around the bed, crying.
Texting his phone may give you relief but if I had possession of that phone and you were sending messages, probably not terribly coherent messages, I would hesitate to allow you in the hospital room. No one needs the upset.
He's in a coma from lack of oxygen? How did that happen? Attempted suicide is the only thing I can come up with.
How do you deal with this? You just keep putting one foot in front of the other.
And now I'll tell you about my experience when my husband was in his last coma, and he had been comatose for three weeks. I never broke. I never cried. I just kept telling him it would all be all right (although I knew it wouldn't). They would allow me to stay 18 hours a day, and so I did. On the twenty-second or twenty-third day he was really, really bad - convulsing, he had to be loosely strapped to the bed, this independent, educated, kind and gentle man. I sat next to the bed, put my head on his chest and cried and cried and cried. Finally - and a Nurse who was in the room reminded me what I had said - I said, "I don't know if I can go on."
I felt his arm go around me, pulled from the strap, and I looked up into his wide open eyes, his face turned toward me, and he was looking right at me for the first time in weeks. Needless to say I stopped crying in a heartbeat, said his name and changed it to, "It'll be okay, really it will." He closed his eyes and relaxed.
The point of the story - he heard me. He was deep in a coma - but he heard me.
Be VERY careful what you do and say in that hospital room. Be there to love and support him. Don't be there to lessen your grief and fear.
I wish you well.