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GSChilds · May 24, 2012, 11:08 PM

My boyfriend said he Loves me but not In love with me.

tickle · May 25, 2012, 02:01 AM

There is no emotional attachment.

bigNavySeal · May 25, 2012, 02:13 AM

Amazon.com: I Love You, but I'm Not IN Love with You: Seven Steps to Saving Your Relationship (9780757305481): Andrew G. Marshall: Books

"I Love You, but I'm Not IN Love with You: Seven Steps to Saving Your Relationship" by Andrew Marshall. Good book, worth the buy. If you ask me (I'm not an expert) there are loads of grey areas to love, and to what "Love" really means. I bought it, a good buy, learning interesting things. My girlfriend is/was convinced she loves me (more than I do her) yet is throwing a hissyfit over things I think she shouldn't... She's pressuring me into marriage. Our relationship of 2.5 years is on shaky ground. The book is mainly about married couples who are losing love for each other and ways to work on it but could be applied to any level of partnership... My two cents worth...

blutoj · May 25, 2012, 09:27 PM

I'm lost with the same question...

He says he loves me, respects me, enjoys me, cherishes me, but doesn't feel that he's in a place to be with me... at the moment. He says he needs time to see if he really is in love with me.

So I don't know. Ask him. I'd want a straight answer.

talaniman · May 26, 2012, 12:47 PM

Love is best defined by the level of commitment as you can be in love but don't want titles or commitments, and just being in love may not be strong enough to want these things.

When the word is followed by actions its love, but as we all know, like most intense feelings, things can change very rapidly.

What sucks is when you want love, but they just can't give it to you. That's when you get the I love you, but not in love with you. Translated it means your cool, but not that cool. Take it as a very nice way of saying "I rather do other things". It's a hint that they ain't feeling what you are.

tickle · May 26, 2012, 02:18 PM

Originally Posted by blutoj

I'm lost with the exact same question...

He says he loves me, respects me, enjoys me, cherishes me, but doesn't feel that he's in a place to be with me...at the moment. He says he needs time to see if he really is in love with me.

So I don't know. Ask him. I'd want a straight answer.

If you feel you have put more into the relationship then he, then you absolutely deserve to know his exact feelings, and if you don't get an answer go away for a while, or, what they say here, 'time out', although I don't like that at all. Be assured, the way I read it, is you are not going to get a straight answer.

My take on your situation is... time out... but don't tell him that, just initiate no contact and see what happens.

BeenThere02 · Oct 3, 2012, 10:08 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Love is best defined by the level of commitment as you can be in love but don't want titles or commitments, and just being in love may not be strong enough to want these things.

When the word is followed by actions its love, but as we all know, like most intense feelings, things can change very rapidly.

What sucks is when you want love, but they just can't give it to you. Thats when you get the I love you, but not in love with you. Translated it means your cool, but not that cool. Take it as a very nice way of saying "I rather do other things". Its a hint that they ain't feeling what you are.

Couldn't agree more. When people use that phrase ("I love you I'm just not IN love with you..."), I think more often than not, they don't understand what true love is all about. It seems too many people are fixated on the romantic rush that is felt early on in a relationship. That chemical flood in your brain isn't meant to last. When the excitement dies down and things start to slip into maybe a dull routine, many misguided folks read that as "falling out of love". Sure they may stick with the relationship for a good deal of time afterwards, trying to regain that feeling, but ultimately they generally give up. It's really pretty sad.

True love is a much deeper thing. It is more of a conscious choice, not a feeling. It's a friendship of the most intimate level (not just talking about sex here kids!). It's recognizing the special qualities within someone and wanting to be with them despite their flaws. It's when you understand the value of having them in your life, and you commit to them and your relationship openly and honestly, THAT'S when you have true love.