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jealous123 · May 23, 2012, 07:45 PM

How do you control your jealousy when your lover has hurt you so many times and you are scared he or she will do it again?

smoothy · May 23, 2012, 07:49 PM

Originally Posted by jealous123

How do you control your jealousy when your lover has hurt you so many times and you are scared he or she will do it again?

I have a better question... why do you stay around with them knowing you can expect more of this, over and over, and over again... or do you enjoy getting hurt... I.E. you are a masochist?

jealous123 · May 23, 2012, 09:09 PM

Sometime I ask myself the same thing. I could put it on love or just scare to be without them but I have been without them and my life and although I miss them like crazy it was stress free and I didn't worry as much. So I don't understand why I put up with it myself

smoothy · May 24, 2012, 05:18 AM

Consider this... its only going to get worse... and you may find yourself 45 years old... childless and miserable before you wake up and see you are with the wrong guy... or you can do what you need to do now... leave this one and the drama that's involved and find someone new... this is your first relationship, isn't it?

No relationship that's full of drama is a relationship you have any business being in... for anyone. That's a universal rule.

A good relationship has little drama... little stress... and feels like a comfortable shoe that fits you perfectly.

mickeylen · May 24, 2012, 06:23 AM

Just leaving is not always the answer but sometimes it is, Im a jealous person myself and my boyfriend has never done something in which I should doubt him but I always beat myself up when he goes out sometimes and I end up looking for something to fight over when he comes back and I hate it and best of all he only goes out like once a month with his best friend when he feels like it. Then one day I realised I have this insecurities because of my dad. He cheated on my mom every chance he got and worst of all she looked the other way even when the one girl lived with them for a while because she was obsesed with my dad and I'm so scared of being like her that I try and prevent my guy from going out so he doesn't get the chance.

smoothy · May 24, 2012, 06:30 AM

Jeeze... mickeylen... have you ever heard of capitalization and puntuation before? I got a spliting headache trying to read that mess.

WisperWill70 · May 24, 2012, 05:54 PM

if this person actually betrayed you (cheated, etc.) and it's not just fear and insecurity in your mind, - then you have your answer:

You survived without this person in your life before so you can do it again. You felt "freer" without them too...

if you move on and value yourself, and give yourself the self respect you so deserve, other people (including a partner) will mirror that value back to you.

There are men who don't act like that. -- and you can find one. The choice to stay "stuck" or be happy is not in his hands - it's in yours.

Good luck to you!

DoulaLC · May 24, 2012, 06:06 PM

Originally Posted by jealous123

sometime i ask myself the same thing. i could put it on love or just scare to be without em but i have been without em n my life and although i miss em like crazy it was stress free and i didn't worry as much. so i don't understand why i put up with it myself

You said it... you stay out of fear, perhaps comfort, or hope that somehow things will change.

In an odd way it can be easier to stay with what you know, even if you know it isn't what is good for you. If you stay, and you believe the issues of trust will continue, then you won't be able to conquer your jealousy. It will always be in the back of your mind.

Sometimes you are better off being on your own than with someone, even when you may love them. Loving someone does not automatically mean that they are someone you should be with.