[Gratitude2012]

I realize a lot of women may have similar problem, and it does help knowing that I am not the only woman who cannot stand her boyfriend's (girl) friend. To provide a brief history, I was BFF with this girl friend for nearly 3 years because we worked together. I even introduced my boyfriend to her and her husband. My boyfriend and I ended up living together for two years but he received a job promotion and had to move out of state. He didn't ask me to go with him. I was heartbroken.

To keep this real short, I was going to move out there to be with him because a few months later we had talked and agreed that I would move to be with him. He had asked me if there was anything else I need to tell him, and I said no. I didn't tell him I had already quit my job beause I figured I could tell him at a later time, since we just spent two hours on the phone discussing my move. After speaking to him, I called my BFF and told her I was moving and she didn't sound happy for me at all. I also (made the mistake) of telling her that I haven't told my boyfriend that I had already quit my job. I specifically asked her to not say anything. What ing happens? Yep, later that night, I got a text message from my boyfriend saying to call him tomorrow morning. I called, and he said he didn't feel I was being honest with him because I didn't tell him I had quit my job so he told me to not move.

I was very upset, because I felt my BFF had betrayed me. So, I called her and yelled at her. I was upset. I shouldn't have yelled at her, and she said she didn't tell my boyfriend, that her husband did. So, of course, I got upset at her because she is suppose to be my friend and I told her to mind her own business when it comes to my boyfriend and me. She then, decides to not be my friend anymore.

Flash forward six years. My ex-bf moves back to the same state as me and he ends up living with this ***** and her husband for maybe like a year. He writes me this apology letter saying how he screwed up and he wants to start seeing me again. I really considered this because I knew by allowing him back into my life, I knew I would have to deal with this . But, I disregarded my inner voice, and decided to give this relationship one more shot because I felt like there was unfinished business between him and me. So, out of my love and respect for my boyfriend, I write an apology letter to this broad. I

Nstead of accepting my apology like a grown up person would do, she responds saying how I've always been jealous of her and when I called her up screaming and yelling she wanted to drive to my house to kick my !

I showed my boyfriend our email exchanges. He was bothered by it but a few months goes by and he still hangs out with her at work. He decided to quit smoking and I had asked him to stop taking break walks with this . He fought me on this issue, and we actually ended up breaking up again. By this time, we were living together once again. He thought I was trying to control him, when all I was asking for was just a little ing consideration for my feelings and support me, by limiting his contact with this ******.

So, after we cooled off for a month, we decided to try couple's counseling. It was working for a while because he did limit his break times with her at work; but later he tells me that he is not happy about it. She is married to his best friend, and my boyfriend considers her as his own "family". When my boyfriend stood up to her for me when she wrote that threatening email, she stopped talking to him for a month! It's almost like she is in a relationship with my boyfriend.

Unfortunately, I don't know how long I can stand his friendship with her and it is causing a strain in my relationship with my boyfriend. I do not understand why he wants to support a "friend" who is openly disrespectful towards me, who even threatened physical harm to me. He maintains that they are just friends and she is like a sister to him. However, I cannot stand how she would buy my boyfriend gifts that no one is asking her to buy. My boyfriend and I recently got a new puppy, and this is out buying stuff for the puppy to give to my boyfriend. How f*king disrespectful is that? I am just not OK with how she can disrespect me, be mean and rude towards me, and expects to still be friends with my boyfriend. And my boyfriend, still being friends with her. What about my feelings here... do they not f*king matter?

[mmresd]

Why are you allowing so much drama to happen? Live your life with your boyfriend and stop paying so much attention to his friends, if you trust him then there shouldn't be a problem. Move on from all this child play and focus on working on your relationship.

[Yogapple]

It sounds like you're an intelligent strong woman who does not deserve this type of immature behaviour. I think she is trying to push your buttons, trying to emotionally upset you with her pattern of mean, insensitive actions towards you. My advice to you is to stay positive, it is going to really frustrate her that she cannot control you with her manipulative rude behaviour. Eventually she'll move onto someone else that she thinks she can control. Just remember - if she thinks she can upset you - she'll try to control you, so do the opposite of what she wants - be in a peaceful, resilient state (maybe put your iPod music on if she's in the same room), stay really positive.

It also helps to focus on spending your valuable time & energy on things that you enjoy. When I was dealing with a not-so-pleasant situation, it really helped me to write a list of the top 100 things I would LOVE to accomplish in my life (e.g. go skydiving, climb up some steep mountains). Maybe include your partner in it, ask him what adventureous challenging things he would like to do together... get the focus back onto building a strong intimate relationship with your partner rather than focus on that drama girl. Instead of getting bitter, get better & stronger.
Much love,
Helen

[talaniman]

She loves to cause trouble and see you suffer. She is winding you up, and you let her. Don't let her wind you up, even though she does it through your boyfriend. See her as an in law you can't stand and ignore her.

You say what about YOUR feelings? They are yours to control, not others to make you lose control. Its not about your feelings but the strategy you use to cope with this situation. If you are cool, calm, and collected, the mind games will back fire on her. If you are not... then you will look very bad, and she wins.