[cirro]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 1 year and a month. We just finished with our first year of college; I got really great mark but he got a 2.4 that cost him his scholarship. His parents were thinking of how to pay for college and one of the possibility was to send him back to his country but then he made a deal with them:

HE suggested that he will not talk or see me at all during the school semesters.

Our school are three hours apart. During the last school year, he came see me every 2 or three week or I came to see him.

He said he is too attached so he have to do this so he can focus on his school work and bring his grade up.

Also he told me he feel "choked" and doesn't want to feel >like< we're married when we're so young.

This really offended me I guess; he said he feel like he's always interrogated -> he cheated on me (flirted and made 'plans' with his ex) -> begged for me back and I forgave him. I'm the kind of person that take a LOOOONNNG time to trust someone so I'm always paranoid now. I'd always ask him if he actually love me or something like that; and he get annoyed by that.
He said now he's running out of patience for me.

So his plan was for us to not talk to each other during the semester. Spend time during the Winter and Summer break. Then not talk to each other during the semester. So this would be period of non talking for 4 month each. Until he graduate which is 8 semesters or more (since he's switching major and have to basically start over).

I don't really understand this. My question is what is his intention?
I mean I'm all for him bettering his studying habits and getting good grades but is this reasonable?
There are long distant relationship but I don't feel good about this. He keep on saying if we're meant to be together then we will. And I really hate wishy-washy talk like that. He said that its because of him that he have to do this for us -> that he get distracted by me because we'd talk and text too much.

My point of view that if he think we're too extreme of a couple then we can dial it down. I'm OK with the not talking for the FIRST semester (4 months) but then we can talk for like 15 minute a day or something - and see each other maybe once a month.

But he keep on saying no - as he said then he won't keep his grades.

-----
Is he making sense?
I feel like if a person want to get good grades then they can study hard but they don't need to throw away everything else just for that.
I know couples in long distant relationship and they see each other every week and they still maintain a good GPA.
I'm all for making compromise like cutting back on talking or seeing each other less but I don't really see why we need to completely cut each other off.
I feel like if he care about me - us - he would make an effort...
Plus it was his idea, his parents actually told him he SHOULD talk to me and see me (just not as much). But he himself is saying we completely would do NOTHING.

I do love him and want this to work out but I feel ambivalent about this.
Sorry for the long post. It's all of my emotions and thoughts right now; Kind of a rant.
Please help. If you were in this situation what would your thoughts be?

Side note: I think if he want to completely break up with me he should just do it (I feel like this might be what he want but he doesn't want to say it) -> he always say its up to me about if we're together or not or if I accept this or not. So do you think he want to break up but use this excuse to slowly back out of our relationship?


Thanks

[Wondergirl]

Do him a favor and YOU make the break permanent. Once he is finished with school and has found a god job, the two of you may want to try again.

[WisperWill70]

It sounds like he has reasons beyond school to want to take a break, which is why he didn't take his parent's advice to see you, but not as much. It's NOT unreasonable for him to want a break to focus on his studies -- not only that, he's young and he doesn't feel like he wants to feel committed and "married" at this stage in his life when his focus is on other things. There is nothing wrong with that. If he stays he can resent you, cheat or stray, or simply grow distant. You might think you can manage your relationship in 15 minute conversations, etc. - but real life doesn't work that way.

My advice to you is not to hold on to him - because if you do, you can lose the relationship. You'll have to trust that if its meant to be he will reconnect to you and for both of you to focus on your college careers and growing as individuals.

If you would feel better being completely broken up, (so YOU can move on with your studies/life) tell him. Say that at this stage in your lives you should move on and experience the world, and if one day you reconnect - wonderful -- but for now, you need a defined "let's stop seeing eachother"

[anonymousdude]

Don't Worry About Him. Or Anyone. He Wants To Take A Break. So.. Take A Break. Don't Beg ANY Guy. I Say You Dump Him, And Move On.

[Homegirl 50]

That sounds pretty ridiculous and extreme to me especially since he has a history of cheating
I'd give him a permanent break.