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lubi_1990 · May 21, 2012, 07:28 PM

My daughter is 18 months old and her biological father has still not petitioned for paternity. He claimed during a ppo termination proceeding that he would be, but that was 15 months ago. He knows that I was pregnant, he knows that she has been born, but little else. I am wondering, for my own peace of mind, if he knew he has a child and has still not come forward, what are the chances that he would have any rights to her if he ever comes forward?

smoothy · May 21, 2012, 07:33 PM

Originally Posted by lubi_1990

My daughter is 18 months old and her biological father has still not petitioned for paternity. He claimed during a ppo termination proceeding that he would be, but that was 15 months ago. He knows that I was pregnant, he knows that she has been born, but little else. I am wondering, for my own peace of mind, if he knew he has a child and has still not come forward, what are the chances that he would have any rights to her if he ever comes forward?

He could come around when she was 17 and still have rights assuming he is the father proven by DNA testing... as well as any obligations that go with it.

lubi_1990 · May 21, 2012, 08:05 PM

I wonder if that changes if he has since joined the marine corps

Synnen · May 21, 2012, 08:31 PM

Nope. He has to go to court to get his rights enforced, but once he does, he has just as many rights as you do.

Best thing for you to do is proactively go to court to get full physical and legal custody, and GET CHILD SUPPORT set up. He doesn't OWE child support until there is a court order for it.

And the nice thing about him being in the Marine Corps is that not paying your child support can be conduct unbecoming---and can prevent him from becoming an officer. And the military branches are usually REALLY good about making sure that their enlistees pay their child support and that the children get the benefits they are entitled to.

So... go to court, get custody and child support set up, and then REPORT the child support to his commanding officer so that it can be garnished from his paychecks.

lubi_1990 · May 21, 2012, 08:43 PM

My only issue is that I do not even want to admit to any court that he is her father. He is honestly the scariest person I could imagine being around her. I've only ever done him favors by not pressing charges when I should have and dropping his ppo so he could join the USMC. But what justice would I be doing for my daughter and myself by even admitting and possibly giving him rights to her? Its an awful thought that crosses my mind. I don't know how to protect her after I go to court asking for full custody and child support. I don't care about the money, only for her safety and mine.

Synnen · May 21, 2012, 08:50 PM

Well, the problem is that you DIDN'T press charges.

Now you have no proof that he is a danger to the child. What justice is THAT? And you've left him free to do to someone else what he did to you.

And here's the thing: You DO care about the money. Or you SHOULD. It's not money for YOU--it's money for HER. If you don't want to spend it, then put it in a college fund. Either way, he should be supporting his child.

And with no proof that he is a danger to the child, then if he does want visitation or custody, a court is likely to grant it.

lubi_1990 · May 21, 2012, 08:56 PM

I do have some proof that he was at least a danger to me when I was pregnant. It was enough to get an ex parte ppo on him. I dropped it in court to allow him to join the USMC so he could go away from me and my daughter. There is a court order still in place of the ppo that he cannot contact me unless through legal means, its just not in Lien. I only never wanted to ruin his life through what I could have done... but only now do I realize the extent that I've completely screwed myself by thinking about him before myself.

Fr_Chuck · May 21, 2012, 09:19 PM

When you "dropped it" it destroyed any value of the evidence, since by dropping the charges you are telling the court, that it was either false, or it really did not scare you like you said it did.

Sorry, but you just destroyed that having any value. Plus in 4 or 5 years, that will be so old, and if he has nothing else current, the court will not view it with hardly any value.

But you need to get custody of the child though the court, and child support, sorry but that is what the child deserves.

lubi_1990 · May 21, 2012, 09:33 PM

Mmm yes. Usually women who are/ever were in an abusive relationship aren't thought to be honest. We aren't the manipulators, they are. Let's face it, we are the dumb ones for going back to or feeling sorry for the people who make our lives hell and always will. Dumb for believing in their lies or thinking they are civil. They get what they want and we usually allow them to get it, or in my case help. I suppose the cycle continues and he will always win. Lesson: the first time should ALWAYS be the last time... and with no compromise or sympathy.

Synnen · May 21, 2012, 10:06 PM

My sister went through a cycle of abuse like you would not believe. Her life was living hell for several years, and none of us knew. I understand where you are coming from.

However, a court doesn't know you OR him. Unfortunately, it's not that you're thought to be dishonest---it's that a few bad apples accusing someone out of spite spoiled it for those who are trying to truly face their accusers. Don't blame the courts--blame the women who thought it would be good drama or would serve their purpose to falsely accuse their men of abuse.

There's a good reason it takes more than just a finger pointed and words of accusation to convict a person in this country. That unfortunately works against you---I hope you are in counseling for your abuse story so that you can gain the strength to do what you need to do for your child.

ScottGem · May 22, 2012, 03:47 AM

Lets look at some other things here. Fast forward to your daughter reaching 10 years old. What are you going to do when she asks about daddy?

Or lets say in a couple of years you meet a great guy (hopefully) and you marry and he wants to adopt your daughter. You will need to contact the bio father for his permission.

O even closer in time. Lets say you need to apply for public assistance to feed and clothe your child. The state will require you identify the father and they will go after him for support.