[scottish man]

My son and I just don't get along anymore. He has come out and said last year that he was Bisexual, but has more feelings towards boy rather than girls. I have tried to understand, but I find it difficult to talk to him. I have surgested that we seek outside help, but he has said he doesn't want to, because he doesn't want someone find out about his feelings, I did say that it would help me to try and understand or at least try to, but he is stilll refusing to talk to anyone. He is 15 today and he has a test to do and then is going out with his friends, He doesn't want to be in the family anymore. I lost my wife 15 years ago when he was just 5 months old. And have brought all 3 kids up by myself, and now I feel that I am something you try and wipe off your shoe. I want to understand and build at least a bridge between us, but if doesn't what can I do?

[Wondergirl]

The counselor wouldn't be there to "straighten him out," but would be a referee and unbiased person to help you two talk to each other.

He's only 15. Hormones are churning around inside him. He may be bi, but I wouldn't count on his knowing exactly how he feels, figuring this out once he's matured, maybe in his early 20s.

Would he go if the counseling is for you?

[WisperWill70]

I understand your difficulty and struggle in trying to understand your son's sexuality and commend you in your attempt to "build a bridge"

The best advice I can give you based on observing this dynamic in many families (my own family is mixed) is that the bridge-building and communication succeeds best when you're not DISAPPROVING in your own fear or struggle to understand. A child (of any age) can sense when you're reaching out with one hand and pushing away with the other.

Make your priority to accept and love your son no matter what. That is the only thing BOTH of you really want (underneath all the misunderstandings and differences) It's the only thing that matters.

Take some time, on your own, to broaden your experience and do some learning on same sex attraction (it's the homosexuality/same sex attraction that disturbs you) and make your goal to learn. Listening, and being interested builds a bridge like no-other. He may not tell you the nitty gritty (and you probably don't want to know about it) but he will know you care and know that he can reach out to you when it's important... later on... when he's sexually active or needs guidance and fatherly support.

He may be bi, or he may be gay -- in any case, both are normal extensions of the human sexual spectrum (which, for most people falls somewhere between being attracted only to females or only to males). People who are gay or bi are not confused, they are not necessarily promiscuous and they are generally not going through a phase! A bisexual man is perfectly capable of forming loving and fulfilling relationships and monogamous bonds. Inform yourself, find support for yourself and get educated. Check out PFLAG (parents and friends of lesbians and gays) at www.pflag.org and do an internet search for "parents of LBGT youth" for more information.