[kani41e]

Please help. I was in a relationship with a guy for 7 months. I was 17 when I met him and he was 23. I slept with him on the first night which raised some questions on his part but in my defense I didn't think we were going to get serious. I'm from Nigeria and so is he although he had never been back. I went back this Christmas and so did he but while I was home I hung around my friends and my ex came around me a lot because we had mutual friends. My friends complained that I was ignoring him and making everything awkward and we should let whatever happened go. I told my boyfriend that my ex was trying to reach out to me and he flared up so I never wanted to approach the situation with him again.

The last night before I left for the US. He twitter direct messaged me that he wanted to talk to me and see me before I left at his house. I obliged to visit him only but only to talk everything out and be friends. I was supposed to be going out with my friends so I asked if he wanted to drink because I was bringing a bottle of champagne from my sister’s wedding which I wouldn't be carrying back to the US. I was very sure of myself that nothing would happen between us and so I called up my friends after we exchanged messages and she advised not to go to his house and go out with them instead so I agreed. I ended up deleting the messages because my ex loves to snoop through my messages. He ended up hacking into my twitter and saw the messages as it was being typed and noticed I had deleted them. He Said I was cheating even though I explained to him I never ended up going and my motive for sending such messages and said that there is no room for such things in a relationship. I was made to understand this was cheating as I thought it had to be sleeping with someone else.

Anyway I apologized and even begged him for 2 weeks and he refused. For 2 months he told me to try to win him back etc. and I felt like he was playing games so I gave him an ultimatum in fear which worked temporarily but back fired. I ended up finding out he had been lying to me about talking to other people because we both agreed although we were broken up if we started seeing someone else we would tell each other because we were still having sex. He apologized and told me that he doesn't want to be a liar and those are signs he is not ready so he broke up with me again.

I was feeling so hurt because I thought we made progress so I used NC for 3 weeks and ended up running into him again and we have been talking again. We have been having sex and he claims not to be talking to anyone and loves me but is in a love hate relationship with me. He also says I have lost his trust and I have asked him to work on it with me that I don't expect it to come back easy but I'm willing to work it out but he is refusing saying he thinks it’s impossible and it hurts so much because he never cheated on me. I’ve been trying to explain that I never slept with anyone and that I am wrong for what I did, I have learned from my mistakes but he keeps saying our relationship is broken beyond repair.

What confuses me is he says he loves me, sleeps with me and acts exactly how we did in a relationship but without the title and gets angry at me when others refer to me as babe, hun, baby on social networks. Guys flirt with me and I don't reply when I was in a relationship with him he said it was disrespectful to reply to such but even after I stopped it doesn't seem to be good enough for him.

Note* Its been 5 months now and we are still on the same thing. Having sex, acting like a couple and being exclusive but not being a couple. I am in this for the long term but I'm scared that he will be too comfortable and never make us official and eventually leave me but he claims that school is his number 1 priority and is not interested in looking for someone to be in a relationship because he is scared. I am 19 now and have never been more confused

[DoulaLC]

Kani41e... you are being used and you are allowing it to happen. He has made it very clear that he is not interested in a serious relationship, yet he is perfectly happy to continue having sex with you because you keep hanging on, hoping things will change.

He says he doesn't trust you, is not interested in being in a relationship with someone, and that he doesn't think that your relationship can be repaired. So end it. Let him move on and let yourself move on.

He doesn't trust you and yet he broke your trust by snooping through your phone, hacking into your twitter, and accusing you of things that didn't happen. He said you were being disrespectful, but what about his actions of disrespect?

There are so many other guys out there who deserve your trust. Who will treat you so much better. Who will actually want to be in a true relationship with you and not just for sex.

[talaniman]

You are being used for sex and he has no need to invest any more into this and is very happy with the way things are.

Stop having sex, and acting like a couple, and he will either come with it, or leave you alone. I mean how do you even let someone who doesn't want anything but your body, and doesn't trust you get away with this crap? That's all messed up!