[KawloDJ]

Hey guys,

My name is Reuben and I am 18 years old.
This is the first time I've ever made a forum post and I'm doing this because I am just lost.

My girlfriend broke up with me last Friday and it's been really hard for me to deal with it and not think of her. She was my very first love and we always had an amazing time together. I would go over to her about once every month, she lives in Sweden and I live in Ireland. We would have our ups and downs like every other couple but, with me having ADHD, sometimes we would have more downs than ups.
She broke up with me because she wanted to not have the responsibility of being in a relationship and just wanted to be alone. It's understandable because I have been really needy towards her. As she was the first person I've ever been in a long term relationship with I always wanted to make her my priority and I did. I would regularly send gifts to her that she didn't expect, write poems for her or tell her how great she is. I thought I was doing everything right but, I was doing everything too much. I always put her first and based my life around her, which now, after the breakup, I realise that she was telling me all along not to do this.
I told her many of times that I would change and try to become the guy that she fell in love with again but, I didn't do it fast enough.

Also, I already had booked my tickets to visit her in the summer, just over 2 weeks from now. What I want to ask is, would it be a good idea to not contact her for 3 weeks, let her have space and be alone so she knows I am trying my best, and then visit her in the summer, and try again?

Thanks for reading and I hope I can get some answers, I would appreciate it a lot!

[talaniman]

I think you really should be solving your own issues, before promising any one anything. LDR's are very difficult without all your insecurities too, and you need more than 3 weeks to make a change and be able to share happiness, instead of neediness, in the really short time you visit.

You better give this a lot more thought and effort into solving your personal issues, because no one believes another will change until they see some conclusive proof. 3 weeks doesn't allow her to be objective on this change thing you claim to do, because most times it takes years of hard work, and guidance to be successful. Bet she knows that and will be suspicious of doing this just to get her back.

She would be right since it took her dumping you to see that you should be improving yourself. Do the work first, because quick fix cosmetic changes never are believed. Will she be waiting with high hopes and open arms? I seriously doubt it. And who wants to go back to a once a month deal any way? I doubt she wants that either.

Sorry guy, better yourself for YOU, not to get her back.

[Fr_Chuck]

I agree, try to get your money back on the tickets or trade them for a vacation some where else.

Obviously you either changed or she did not like some things you did. Also buying gifts is not the same as giving them attention. My real guess was she was tired of a long distance relationship and wanted something more.

At 18 people want and really need more, they need someone to be with every Saturday night, or someone who can be there for their other events at school or work.

You need to really forget her for now, the "I need time" means almost always it is over, and she was trying to be nice in the break up.

[triplemaxine]

Cancel your tickets!

Both of you just need to take time, and if you still like her after however long it's been then try talking to her and telling her how you feel. Just be prepared for anything. Right now try and go out A lot. It will help get your mind of things :)