[alexandradrozdz]

Hi there. I am 18 years old, still living with my parents, but I hate family life so much. There is nothing fulfilling about it as it has gradually started to fall to pieces all because of my mother. She is the one who has caused our family to break apart, yet she doesn't reflect on her actions and instead blames somebody else for her problems. She is highly illogical and difficult, for example she asked my Dad to fetch her something to eat without saying specifically what she wanted and then by the time she got it, she tells him off. My dad argues with her as that is because she has angered him and has told her a number of times that she needs to go and visit the doctor. And you know what she says? She says something like, "No, you need to go and visit the doctor!" She is totally unaware that she has an anger problem, and I think if she keeps continuing this, she will psychologically damage herself and the rest of us. I've finally reached the end of my tether with her, but I can't move out as I have no money to buy or rent a place. I wish at times that she would give up doing what she does, but it seems as though she always has enough energy to vent all she wants, while we are all expected to keep our mouths shut. I've lost trust in her and whenever I'm around her, I always feel she gives off a certain air that makes me uneasy and uncomfortable. And please don't take her side, as I've asked similar questions before and been told to look at things from her point of view, but she makes it extremely difficult so I find it hard to do so. And this not merely an anger problem that eventually passes. She has been like this for all of her married life as my Dad told me in private. And it doesn't help that I've had a few learning difficulties in life and been diagnosed with mild dyspraxia. I have also been told a number of times that I'm a nutcase who lives in fantasy land and who never learns, but I can't learn with her around. She doesn't for one minute realise that I don't take kindly to people who yell and harshly criticise, I'm the type that can only learn if people have the decency to be more patient. I have this strong urge to seek help from a counsellor or something, but I can't as I'm worried about blowing the whistle on her and that she'll find out and hate me even more. What should I do?

[Ttwoman]

Like you wrote to the end of your question. You should seek help from a professional. If it is your mom really is indeed toxic and requires help, in the long run she can only be grateful that you had the courage and strength to speak out.

Seek help, an talk to someone it's simple. Don't bottle your emotions and feelings. That's never a wise idea!

[meeeeb]

You need to find a therapist and begin building a life independent of your family. I know in this economy things are hard. If you can, try to find a job and save. Meanwhile, learn with your therapist how to establish boundaries with your mother. Don't become like me- I let my mother ruin my life. For twenty years she's started violence in our house and now I am depressed, suicidal, and have no self-esteem. Do not let your mother take away what makes you decent. Don't let her rob your humanity. Slowly begin to separate and don't be afraid to not look back.

Best of luck.