[Pinacoladas]

Okay so I was out this bank holiday weekend and my 'boyfriend' (use term loosely) was watching our child and I met someone who I kissed... Now I don't feel guilty because my 'bf' is not a great guy I feel like he's still such a status because I'm being weak and always take him back even though he's an a hole.

So I'm talking to this guy I met via text and decide to sneak peak his FB page- to only find out we have mutual friends who are also the same as my 'bf' but the guy and my boyfriend aren't friends.. This is awkward because I haven't actually broke up with the boyfriend I expected nothing to come of this guy I met- now I'm panicking he might mention it to someone that knows my boyfriend and he is naturally a bit argumentative so I'm really worried he will find out-

How do I solve this situation? I don't want this to affect anything to do with my daughter and therefore need to tread carefully, playing with fire and don't know what to do..

Someone please help Its driving me insane!

[mmresd]

Break up with your boyfriend, there is no reason to stay with someone who you don't actually want to be with. Only then can you continue talking to this other person, see where things go, maybe a couple dates.

[joypulv]

Tell him. Or else. What do you want to hear?

[Pinacoladas]

But just at wrong time the boyfriend is actually being 'normal' (lol) how can I just break up with him on random
Occasion! We've been on and off for a while. I'm just scared that if this guy tells anyone that happens to know the boyfriend then he will find out and I know I won't have an easy ride.. :( I feel so silly..

[joypulv]

It's not so much silly as not taking responsibility for your actions. In your first post he is an a++hole, now all of a sudden he's being 'normal.' Plus, who was out having fun and flirting while he was watching your daughter? You OWE him an apology, and you want to forestall any exaggerated stories he hears.

[talaniman]

Harshness Warning!!

What if the guy finds out you are a lying cheater? That's as likely as your boyfriend finding out. I think you are trying to take the easy way out, and have crossed several lines of acceptable behavior, instead of taking this directly to your boyfriend, normal or not, and doing what you have to do, then you will be free to explore and experiment the right way, instead of this shady lady drama you have started.

Boy are you asking for trouble, and plenty of worry, and confusion, like most cheaters do.

Now leave the guys alone until you handle your business at home!

[Pinacoladas]

Talaniman, I really get where your coming from and I know my behaviour is wrong.

Yes he was looking after our daughter that night however who do you think looks after her every other day of the week- me and him do not live together. He is an a hole because he takes drugs- only usually on the weekend and by all means no where near my child... And I always forgive him when he backs out of a promise (I would just like to point he's not a raving druggy on heroin or something however all still as bad as each other) and I always feel like I need to keep him sweet for an easy life, then he can be okay. This isn't for sympathy I just want you to try and understand why this situation has occurred.

[talaniman]

I do understand how cheating happens, and its easier than telling the truth, and dealing with the fall out. Like you they know its wrong, yet they do it any way and justify it, as you do, the partner ain't doing enough.

I do understand that the opportunity for some feel good came up, and you took it. I understand all of that. Its still wrong, and complicates things doesn't it?

Take care of your home situation first, the situation with baby daddy, and be free to explore, experiment, and be happy, because jumping from one person while lying and being deceitful to another is a fools game that doesn't bring happiness, it brings misery, because the quick fix feel good never works for long. Just until the stuff hits the fan.

Just do the right thing for yourself.

[Pinacoladas]

Of course it is, and yes you are right it's stressful and complicated. My main proirity Is our daughter and thankfully he is great with just me and him that aren't good anymore, he works hard in the city and I think that's why he feels the need to 'release' on a weekend. Never the less I still don't agree with it and I think I should talk to him but I know I will get the I'm being good and make me feel like I'm over reacting. Truth is I just don't feel the same as I did 4 years ago when we first met. And it's not fair I have dragged someone innocent Into all this without them even knowing. He keeps texting me and I don't have the heart to not reply :( and I just feel like with all the mutual friends they both have something could be said. I also feel like being honest with the boyfriend is not possible because it would seriously rock and boat. I was advised by my friends to get rid of him and then you can do what you like. But springing q break up over what you would call a 'good patch' is easier said then done.

[talaniman]

Doing wrong is easy, doing the right thing is NOT!

[Homegirl 50]

You need to have a talk with your boyfriend. Tell him you want out. You said earlier that he is an A-hole, well you are cheating on him and trying to figure out how to keep doing it. Stop talking to the new guy and get your business straight with your boyfriend.

[Pinacoladas]

I hear all your points and all very valid. I'm going to finish contact with new guy (not entirely sure how yet?) and regardless, speak to boyfriend about the fact I don't want to continue with us anymore. I think the new guy was a case of not trying to get away with it but more a quick turn onto an exciting road a glipse of single life that I had forgotten about and not wanting to let that go if that makes sense? All the same, I'm really appreciative of all your help. Sometimes confinding in a friend is hard because they are always going to have me put first, where as I know none of you and you can give me a fresh outlook. Not only that, you've all been entirely honest- and it's brought me back down to earth and realise my behaviour is unacceptable. I have never done this before, sure as hell never again.

[talaniman]

That's why we are here, and hope it works out, Please keep us updated as to your progress, and good luck.