[MISSV730]

Hi well I'm about to turn 18 in decmember and leave the home situtation I'm in now
I have a sister that's 12 and a little brother that's 11 and I was wondering if I could get custody of them because we are being treated badly.
And I get that people are getting abuse way worse than us but it's a really complicated story
Like my mother (bioloical) died 3 years ago
My dad has been in and out of jail(for a number of things like violation of probation, resisting arrest, and anger problems)
I have a legal guardian that has physical custody of us
I have called cps but they just deemed it OK to live
Me and my sister have become suicidal underneath our guardian
My dad and her have abused us time and time again but not enough to qualify for abuse.
So...
Its very messy and complicated we just want to get out but are stuck with our situtation and I'm tired of seeing them cried PLEASE HELP IF YOU CAN!

[Jake2008]

Who is the legal guardian, and is this your biological father?

Can you be more specific about the abuse. Maybe talk a bit about what life is like in your home, and how the guardian and your father discipline the three of you kids, and why it has come to the point where you are talking suicide?

Don't worry about underestimating your own assessment of your abuse vs. abuse of others. It is only what is happening to you and your siblings, which very well could be a serious situation.

But without more detail, it is difficult to advise you on what to do. When you called the CPS for instance, was there an investigation, any follow-up, or suggestions for further counselling or parenting classes?

And, where do you plan to go when you are 18- are plans in the works for a job, school, residence for yourself? To add two siblings to any plans you have would be very difficult. Are there other relatives involved in the family?

[MISSV730]

Yes of course
Well they disclipine us in a lot of ways
They beat us with a belt, I've been hit with a shoe and almost choked...
All cps did was make it worse they called my guardian and basically told her I said she kicked me out and wouldn't let me back in but that wasn't true I ran away and was brought back to my dads mother who tried to choke me and hit me with a shoe and won't even owe up to it
Um my guardian is basically the one who mental abuse us and call us all sorts of names and so over controlling its ridicules
She makes us think that death is the only answer but I have to stay for my siblings because we have nobody else
I'm planing to be a nurse and going off to college after I have a good sum of money I plan to move out of my hometown far far away from them
They are my grandparents and a ton of adults that know how she act but can't do anything and decides to ignore her all together...
She was a friend of my biogioical mother but not related to us and yes he is my biogioical father sorry the jumping around..

[Jake2008]

The first thing I would advise you do do, is speak to a trusted adult.

It is important that who you talk to realizes the repercussions of you speaking out for help, because the last time you did the right thing and called CPS, things got worse, not better.

If you have a school counsellor, or trusted teacher, make an appointment to spend an hour with them. Be prepared with a summary, in writing, of the abuse (yes, what you have described is abuse). Dates, times, details, as much as you can remember, in order to provide a basic outline of what is happening in your life, and the lives of your siblings.

That information, in the hands of a teacher, or counsellor, will be, by law (at least here in Canada, I suspect the same in the U.S.), reported to local child welfare, where it will be taken much more seriously than the same information coming from a minor.

If there is a suspected need for immediate assistance, you and your siblings will be placed in a foster care situation, and you may not all be in the same place. There will be a subsequent investigation, and follow-up, of any decisions that are made as to where you are to live, and under what conditions.

Because of your age, and the ages of your siblings, where you are to live will be thus out of your control, if this is the route the authorities decide is in your best interest, and the interests of your siblings.

As a minor, you as a legal guardian would be subject to the same guidelines as any adult. That would include being able to provide a safe, clean, nurturing environment, and provide for the needs of all concerned. It is not likely that a minor would be allowed any sort of custody of younger siblings.

You do have options to pursue your concerns, but be prepared to know that if it is established that any of you are in danger, they will step in, and the results will not likely be you getting any sort of legal custody, because you are a minor yourself.

It may be possible for some mediation, in which problems are clearly identified, and those parenting you kids will be required to take parenting classes, anger management, individual counselling etc. The same goes with you and your siblings. If it is at all possible that all the people in your family can establish clear rules of behaviour so to speak, and everyone participates, that kind of intervention may be very successful.

At the very least, you yourself, need someone to talk to, even though I realize that that may result in unforseen consequences, but, considering that it isn't likely that anything is going to improve for any of you kids without a legal adult getting involved, I don't see that you have any alternative.

[MISSV730]

Yes I have talked to someone I talked to my cousellor a brunch of times and at first we called cps unknown and all they were a phone call but when I told them about they choking they just called my guardian and father to 'ask' what was wrong instead of investigating
My father or guardian doesn't believe in couselloring even though they're letting us get couselloring because of our behavior.
I mean if they would just CHANGE it would be a little better but they'll never do it
That's why I want to leave and take my sister and brother with me I'm so sick I'm being hurt and being blamed for it
But this was very helpful thanks

[Jake2008]

Unfortunately, you can't force change on anyone.

I'm glad you talked to a counsellor, and there was some contact with CPS. For most people that is a wake up call. For others, it's an excuse to do more.

For now, I hope you keep up with seeing your counsellor, even if only to have a safe place to vent your concerns. I gather your siblings have counselling as well, which is a good thing.

But as to your original question, it is not likely that you could gain custody of your siblings. You have a long way to go to be established and independent, with a good income, and your own home, and money in the bank to support them.

Keep working toward your goals, and keep up with the counselling, and don't hesitate, should you or one of your siblings be again faced with violence, call the authorities again.

[Fr_Chuck]

Can you get guardian ship at 18, most likely not, you will have to have a job, a home large enough for them to live at, and proof of the "abuse" and it will have to be documented to the point that CPS and the courts will agree. A older family member may have a better chance also.

[MISSV730]

Thanks appericated :)