[cashius001]

Not sure where to even start with this story or question or this could be just a vent as I'm currently at work and the thoughts of everything are just haunting me and the sadness and guilty and just pain has all crept in. When I say pain I mean the one that I saw that I had caused her as I am feeling extremely bad for hurting her and the pain that I'm also feeling for losing my relationship as well.

We are also in our 20's I'm 22 and she is 24. We had been going through a rough time in our relationship with all the arguments that were going on the lack of proper communication definitely went out the window for a long while. It literally felt as if were on a ticking timeline, I will admit much of the arguments had stemmed from me because I was having a hard time dealing with being depressed and just in a rut on life really. Though it was hard being civil about this everyday as she is a very happy go lucky kind of individual. Because the lack of communication was there and so much resentment had been built up and up in the air between us simply, it felt as if sometimes we were breaking up and making up for 2 to 3 week periods. Very unhealthy and not knowing how to be an adult about this and sit down have a conversation whether we should be together or not I looked for emotional comfort elsewhere. At work I had conversations with a coworker off the opposite sex gradually that turned into more on a regular basis where we were talking through this instant messenger and taking breaks together. I sough comfort from this girl and really didn't think too much of it. There was definitely flirting going on around the office area.

We even exchanged numbers as well and there was texting exchanged as well and flirtatious ones as well. At the time I thought it made me feel good because everything was going so wrong in my relationship. However I did realize what I was doing was wrong and stopped it told the girl that I needed to stop this as it was getting out of hand and hadn't actually talked to her for a few weeks. I however never told this to my girlfriend and this girl did know that I had a girlfriend as well. So it was all in the open between the girl and me.

This is where everything went down... my girlfriend saw the text from this girl saying how she misses talking to me and misses me as well. It was really bad, I tried denying anything that she was asking about (totally wrong I know but I panicked simply because we had started really getting along and working on our relationship past 3 weeks and I didn't want to risk losing her over this)

I ended up lying initially and only when I felt like I was under pressure I did fess up and let her know the truth. I had been feeling horrible about how I acted but what I felt even worse about was lying to her and hurting her like this. I wish I could take it back and do right by her but she just won't look past this I don't need her forgiveness now or anytime soon I just wish I had the chance to prove to her that it was a mistake an didn't mean what she currently assumes.

I spent the night apologize and saying how sorry I am and pleading and begging her to give me a chance but she will have not of it. She says she is moving out in a week or two till she gets her place and will literally leave my life entirely.

I know it was wrong to do what I had done and I own up to that but how is a person supposed to let someone know how much of a mistake it was when there is no chance to show that?

She tells me that there is nothing that I can do to change her mind or change how she feels for me at the moment which is total hatred.

I'm not sure what to do anymore?

I really don't want to do the whole NC thing it's just really hard at the moment as I know how I messed up and would love to do anything I can to get her to understand at least in the slightest bit so that I could show her how much I love her.

[talaniman]

I think part of taking responsibility for your own actions is to accept the consequences. You may not want to leave her alone, but you should just to let her cool off and get her head together after being betrayed and hurt badly.

I doubt she wants to hear anything you have to say, and likely never will, but leaving her alone now is what you should do I think. That would be merciful, as seeing you now will produce anger, and hatred.

Take this as a chance to get your depression under control, and eliminate the bad behavior that was the cause of this mess, and your loss.

Sorry guy, but that's just the right thing to do whether you see it, or NOT!!