[annacb]

I caught my husband having an affair with a girl some time ago. We talked about it and he assured me he loves me very much. He deleted all info of the girl and changed phones and sim cards and looking for another job in another area. It seems to me that he is sincere in his love for me, but he does not touch me at all except for the peck in the morning, from work and to bed. I wear kinky clothes and I am sometimes seductive but then he just turn around and walk away. Before I caught him with the girl we didn't have sex either. He always claims te be tired and I never presurised him, because he is diagnosed with diabetes 4 months ago. But then he slept with this girl and still he doesn't want to be intimate. What is going on taking in consideration his diabetics.

[monicag8]

It does seem like betrayal when a husband prefers young girls to partners. They get thrilled over the excitement of doing something daring. Obviously it is hard to say what is going on with your husband, however some partners ask if they can do some oral just for fun. Sometimes the husbands don't want to have sex, but are prepared to give oral a go. Don't get him to move, relax him by making him lay back and watch sports, and then give him oral. You will see it is the ultimate enjoyment. Soon he might even be prepared to get back into the bed!

[Cat1864]

I am a bit confused. Did you find out about his affair before or after he was diagnosed with Diabetes? What type of Diabetes does he have and what is he doing to control it? Have you talked about getting professional help to work through the after-math of his cheating?

Even before you found out about the affair, he may have been feeling guilty. His health may have been affecting his performance and libido. He may be afraid of not being able to have sex. The 'taboo' nature of the affair may have helped give a boost and that is why he had sex with her.

You need to sit down with him and talk about all the issues from his health to moving forward. Marriage counseling may be a safe place for both of you to work through your feelings and learn better ways of communicating. Don't sweep the affair under the rug and try to pretend it didn't happen. You both know it did and you need to work together on ways to keep it from happening again. Guilt and betrayal are two emotions that can cause a lot problems and take a lot of work to let go and move forward from. It also takes time.

If he was recently diagnosed and put on any medications, it may take a while before his body chemistry is stable enough for his libido to return. If the Diabetes is being controlled through diet and exercise, it may take even longer. Also, does he have any other conditions such as weight, heart, etc. that might be causing problems? If he does and is on any medications, talk to your pharmacist and/or doctor about any possible side-effects and interactions between the medications. His not wanting sex may not be him, but a result of his health.

One more thing, he may think that if he shows affection you are going to want more than he feels he can give right now. Show him it is safe to show love and affection without it leading to the bedroom. Take things slowly and work on communications and rebuilding the foundation of the relationship. With communication comes finding what he needs and wants instead of you trying to guess and maybe going in the wrong direction.

Good luck.

[DrLipton]

First of all I would suggest raising your questions with him at a relative calm time, that is not at a time when you have just been disappointed or in the middle of anything. But if he tries to blow the question off the way he has, you will have to steel yourself to be a little more insistent about discussing it. One question to ask would also be about what his fantasies are.
As noted by previous responders, diabetes is a major saboteur of sexual arousal that might be overcome by a fresh new partner... but that doesn't help you.
Finally, you need to do some harsh reality checks. Have you let yourself go physically? Significant weight gain will not be overcome by some Victoria's Secret clothes. Self-confidence, although I understand situations like this can undermine it, tends to make a person more attractive. An independent, fun, and interesting person tends to be more attractive. But if you do feel you are a fairly attractive person, the problem may lie entirely with him and the only way to uncover that brings us back to getting him to communicate.
Good luck with everything.