[cwoodbur]

My girlfriend and I have been dating for about a year and a half. Within the last few weeks I have been really busy with school. I'm an engineer and ended up having to do 3 different 4 man projects alone and its taking a lot of my time. I've been so busy with school that on my free time I would try to release stress by playing video games. In the meantime my girlfriend has been hanging out with a new group of friends to study with and that has cause us to spend a lot less time with each other. On weekends I really hope to spend time with her but she usually already agrees to go somewhere with her friends. On top of everything our communication has really fallen and she rarely returns my calls.

Finally our classes are starting to end and we were able to talk things out and I'm not so busy. But then suddenly she sits me down and tells me that she just realized that she thinks she has feelings for someone else and she wanted to tell me right away. We been talking about things for 3 days now and I've come to realize that I haven't really been there for her.

For instance I found out that after some of her really stressful exams I would talk to her about it later at night; she told me that the guy would always text her right after the exam to ask how she did. And some other similar instances occurred. The guy obviously had a crush on her and that's why he was always there but I feel like she was vulnerable because I wasn't as considerate to her as I usually am and she was really craving that comfort that he would provide right away. He then later confessed to her and she hasn't really spent any time with him since.

The sad part is that through all of this she doesn't know if she is still "in love" with me and doesn't really show the same affection as before. We are in finals week so she may just be really stressed out. Unfortunately we live together so I can't really give her space and I'm afraid to do that because then I will be out of the picture for this other guy to move in when she is still vulnerable. She says she's still confused and needs time to think about everything.

And today we add more to the story because she just received a bouquet, mixed CD, some other things and a love letter in the mail from a THIRD guy! She kind of laughed about it because she diffidently doesn't like this other guy. I have been a really great boyfriend, never done anything really bad, and our relationship has always been really solid.

I personally feel that you know when you love someone and there shouldn't be this confusion. I love her a lot and have been debating about breaking up, I just don't want to give up. I want to give her time to try to sort out her feelings and see if she can make a decision and the only thing I have really said is that I want to know if she can fully commit to putting everything she can to make our relationship work, and I asked her to tell me that by the end of the week. Recently within these last few days I have been trying to put romance back into our relationship by doing things for her I know she'll love and being there as much as I can.

This is a difficult situation and I greatly appreciate any advice you could give me or any comments about what you think about the issue. She is a really reserved, shy, and energetic girl so I know that she had no intention of leading these guys on.

[talaniman]

Relationships have there ups, and downs and confusions. You take this as a time to talk and relate and make adjustments that work for you both. If you cannot, the relationship dies.

Keep working at it. Its nothing but a test for you to work together, or work apart.