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katieangel13 · Apr 28, 2012, 10:51 AM

So my boyfriend is older than me 16 and he's 24. We have been together for along time, please don't call him a pedophile. Yet I understand peoples opinions. The relationship can't go anywhere due to the law and my inability to visit, and or see him regularly. My boyfriend has been great to me, & has really helped me through difficult times. Making him mean so much more to me than previous boyfriends. All my friends are not to fond of the idea of myself with someone older and, "creepy" in there mind, therefore they wish all the time that I stop seeing him. I have thought of him as a creepy person at times, but when it comes down to it... He hasn't been a normal 24 year old toward me. I would like peoples advice due to police have recently talked with him about this matter. I've gotten really stressed out again and I don't want to go through this sickness/stress, if I can get advice to help out. Thanks everyone.

Cat1864 · Apr 28, 2012, 10:57 AM

I have two questions that will determine what advice I give:

1. What do your parents/guardians say about you dating him? Do they give their permission?

2. Why are the police talking to him? What got them involved?

Okay, there is a third question. Would you explain more about the being stressed to the point of sickness 'again'? Is this is relation to the relationship with him or another cause?

odinn7 · Apr 28, 2012, 11:00 AM

My advice? Get away from him. You mentioned right off that you didn't want to hear him called a pedo but since you mentioned it, something tells me that you know it's true.

You yourself even said you have thought of him as "creepy"... guess what? He is. There is nothing a 24 year old guy can have in common with a 16 year old that makes this OK.

I am glad that the police are involved. This guy shouldn't be free to prey on underaged girls.

katieangel13 · Apr 28, 2012, 11:08 AM

Originally Posted by Cat1864

I have two questions that will determine what advice I give:

1. What do your parents/guardians say about you dating him? Do they give their permission?

2. Why are the police talking to him? What got them involved?

Okay, there is a third question. Would you explain more about the being stressed to the point of sickness 'again'? Is this is relation to the relationship with him or another cause?

My parents arnt to thrilled but my mother has met and talked with him a lot shareing her concerns. She thinks he's nice and such. & someone had called the police, not sure who.
When I say again I just meant a previous difficult time, nothing to do with my boyfriend.

Originally Posted by odinn7

My advice? get away from him. You mentioned right off that you didn't want to hear him called a pedo but since you mentioned it, something tells me that you know it's true.

You yourself even said you have thought of him as "creepy"...guess what? He is. There is nothing a 24 year old guy can have in common with a 16 year old that makes this ok.

I am glad that the police are involved. This guy shouldn't be free to prey on underaged girls.

Um, I mentioned it right away because everyone Ive asked has called him that. I don't think its true.

odinn7 · Apr 28, 2012, 11:14 AM

Originally Posted by katieangel13

Um, I mentioned it right away because everyone Ive asked has called him that. i dont think its true.

Have the two of you had sex?

katieangel13 · Apr 28, 2012, 11:18 AM

Originally Posted by odinn7

Have the two of you had sex?

No we have not, and he has not pressured me at all.

Fr_Chuck · Apr 28, 2012, 11:34 AM

Yes younger girls say exactly the same thing you do about a pedophile, they say exactly the right things, don't normally pressure for sex, and they will spend a long time preparing them.
And I say "them" since normally they will have two or three young girls they are trying to prep

But it is not a healthy relationship, not that 8 years makes that big o difference when you are 22 maybe and he is 30. But at 14 or 15 ( and you said you have known him a long time? ) and even 16 , 8 years can be a life time.

katieangel13 · Apr 28, 2012, 11:43 AM

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

Yes younger girls say exactly the same thing you do about a pedophile, they say exactly the right things, dont normally pressure for sex, and they will spend a long time preparing them.
And I say "them" since normally they will have two or three young girls they are trying to prep

But it is not a healthy relationship, not that 8 years makes that big o difference when you are 22 maybe and he is 30. But at 14 or 15 ( and you said you have known him a long time ??) and even 16 , 8 years can be a life time.

He I'snt one of those guys looking for 2 or more girls. I live in a town of about 300 so news travels so fast. I'd would know. I've realized not the healthiest relationships cause of the stress. But I've been in worse with guys my age constantly wanting sex. Yet I've known him for 2 yrs, and himself and I worked together for few months.

ScottGem · Apr 28, 2012, 11:53 AM

My questions are:

1) how long have you been "together"?
2) how did you meet?
3) why can't you see each other regularly?

I sense a sincerity here that may make this relationship viable. But I need more info.

katieangel13 · Apr 28, 2012, 12:45 PM

Been together for about 5 months. Yet known him for about 2 years. I met him one day at work, him being a new employee. I can't see him regularly due to my parents saying it is against the law and such. I go for lunch with him on occasion at my lunch hour.

ScottGem · Apr 28, 2012, 02:13 PM

Given your answers I'm going to say to tell this guy to back off and come back in 2 years when you turn 18. If you are both still interested then you can take up where you left off. In the meantime, you, especially need to see other people closer to your own age.

Let explain why. First, you are saying that a 22 yr old paid enough attention to a 14 yr old to foster a romantic relationship. That raises red flags. No 22 yr old should pay any attention to a 14 yr old other than what is necessary to do his job. Even if he is not a pedophile (and I'm not yet convinced one way or the other) his behavior is inappropriate and indicates something is wrong with him that he would foster this relationship.

While it might not be against the law to date, if your parents don't approve, then it is against the law. Also,you are not really dating. So saying you have been together "a long time" is inaccurate. I think, like any girl your age, you are flattered by the attention given you by an adult man and are mistaking those feelings. And he should know better then to take advantage of that.

talaniman · Apr 28, 2012, 07:40 PM

Originally Posted by katieangel13

Been together for about 5 months. Yet known him for about 2 years. I met him one day at work, him being a new employee. I can't see him regularly due to my parents saying it is against the law and such. I go for lunch with him on occasion at my lunch hour.

For his sake separate yourselves, especially at work because if someone has already involved the cops, then someone has observed you and is concerned. Innocent as all this may be he runs the risk of going to jail, and be labeled a pedophile. It will follow him for life.

Don't take that chance, just back off and keep it professional at work, NO LUNCH BREAKS together. You have a few years to wait. DO SO please. Sorry, it's the best thing. The right thing for you both.

Bad judgment on his part for sure. And the sad part, your mom, AND your boss can gets caught up in this. Love is not worth the price you have to pay in this case. I feel you though, because it's a mess of a dilemma, and get much worse.

katieangel13 · Apr 29, 2012, 12:16 PM

Thank you all for your advice and opinions.