[zoso_violet]

So my exgf goes to Europe for the holidays, back home to Poland to visit her family. She was gone for a good month and a half. While that time she was gone, a couple weeks before she comes back to Cali, she starts acting different and cold. I knew something was up. Well finally I got it out of her and she said she is confused about the relationship because of the "lifestyle".. I'm a girl by the way. I'm her first official girlfriend. I understood her feelings. So I said we should just be friends. She was scared and confused because she actually does love me. Anyway when she came back, I think she forgot what she had and wanted me back, however, it's the "label" that scares her. So now we are working on us. I gave her a chance but not in a relationship. However, we have all the technicalities to be gfs. She tells me I'm the best, the only one she sees me with, how much she loves me, always wants my attention, always wants to see me, talk to me, etc. But when I bring up what we are... she first said we are casually dating. That hurt a lot because we obviously are more than that. I am being patient here but how long should I wait? So after she said that we are "casual", I then said "well if that's the case, we could do whatever we want and not be considered cheating since you won't claim me"
I'm just baffled on if she will ever want to be with me for sure. We were in a relationship for a year and we started as good friends before our relationship. It was the perfect way to start. So we already have a history and difficult to start from "dating" level 1. This whole dating game is confusing applying what is right and what is wrong. How long should I wait?

[drmilimili]

This sounds like a commitment issue to which there really is little one can do other than continue to be patient and stay cool. You are already quite remarkable in that respect. My advice is to be a bit "self-centred" in that sense that you should try to control the nature, the pace and the direction of the relationship instead of leaving the decision to her.
Best wishes!