Ask Experts Questions for FREE Help !
Ask
    1s2a3c4k5's Avatar
    1s2a3c4k5 Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #1

    Apr 21, 2012, 10:15 AM
    MY Parenting days
    I think when you have children you are a parent forever. My children are older 43 and 53. I don't get respect from either of them. They told me I never gave them any. I thought I was a good mother and I don't know what they mean when they say I don't give them any. They come up with things I was supposed to have said, terrible things that I wouldn't think of saying to my children. They tell me that I don't remember. I don't have any problems with my memory. Why are they saying these things.
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 39,354, Reputation: 5431
    Jobs & Parenting Expert
     
    #2

    Apr 21, 2012, 10:27 AM
    Welcome to the club. My mom is 88 and remembers stuff I long since forgot (or did it ever happen?). I remember stuff she claims never happened. My sons are 36 and 41 and even remember the date and year (and what I was wearing! ) when I said this or that. When I remind them of things they said or did, they claim such things never happened.

    So what to do about this? Human memory is a tricky thing. Entire books have been written about it. For most of us, memory is selective--in fact, VERY selective. If I decide I don't like someone, I will remember only the bad and even will twist good memories into bad ones--and definitely forget any good ones.

    Has something happened along the way that your kids choose to remember only the bad stuff? Has there been a divorce, for instance, and they have decided to blame you?
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,301, Reputation: 7692
    Expert
     
    #3

    Apr 21, 2012, 10:45 AM
    Often things are said in anger that we don't remember, or the kids hear things the way they hear it, not what you intended to say.

    The issue here is that they think you did not show them respect at various times in their life.
    And you don't feel respect now.

    So you don't argue since you will not change their mind as to what they remember, but you try and build on what relationship you have now.

Not your question? Ask your question View similar questions

 

Question Tools Search this Question
Search this Question:

Advanced Search

Add your answer here.


Check out some similar questions!

About parenting [ 8 Answers ]

Does anyone know of a person (adult) who lost his/her mother in childbirth and was brought up without a mother but by an abusive blaming violent father? The question is strictly 'do you know of any adult who had this life experience'? So think carefully before you answer because it is a simple...

Unfit parenting [ 5 Answers ]

What is a unfit parent?

Parenting classes [ 2 Answers ]

Does anyone know where any parenting classes are?OK I'm in detroit,Michigan.


View more questions Search