[1s2a3c4k5]

I think when you have children you are a parent forever. My children are older 43 and 53. I don't get respect from either of them. They told me I never gave them any. I thought I was a good mother and I don't know what they mean when they say I don't give them any. They come up with things I was supposed to have said, terrible things that I wouldn't think of saying to my children. They tell me that I don't remember. I don't have any problems with my memory. Why are they saying these things.

[Wondergirl]

Welcome to the club. My mom is 88 and remembers stuff I long since forgot (or did it ever happen?). I remember stuff she claims never happened. My sons are 36 and 41 and even remember the date and year (and what I was wearing! ) when I said this or that. When I remind them of things they said or did, they claim such things never happened.

So what to do about this? Human memory is a tricky thing. Entire books have been written about it. For most of us, memory is selective--in fact, VERY selective. If I decide I don't like someone, I will remember only the bad and even will twist good memories into bad ones--and definitely forget any good ones.

Has something happened along the way that your kids choose to remember only the bad stuff? Has there been a divorce, for instance, and they have decided to blame you?

[Fr_Chuck]

Often things are said in anger that we don't remember, or the kids hear things the way they hear it, not what you intended to say.

The issue here is that they think you did not show them respect at various times in their life.
And you don't feel respect now.

So you don't argue since you will not change their mind as to what they remember, but you try and build on what relationship you have now.