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lou26 · Apr 16, 2012, 12:27 PM

I have been with my boyfiiend for nearly 6 years. We got engaged last June.
I found on his phone a few years ago messages to men (dirty messages), At first I though it was a girls and when I confronted him he said its not what I think and told me it was a man. I dropped called the number and it was a man. He said he hasn't done anything and that it's a dirty habbit and it's a control thing! But he said he has never met anyone or been with a man. A year passed and I found another message and I found out he was on a gay website and saw pictures of himself (not his face) I struggled to get my head round it and he said its nothing and in the past and that nothing has happened. I recently went through his phone a saw a message from this gay friend he knows, he deleted the thread on the messages but what I read was my boyfriend text him saying that he is now there (his office) but his mate texted back saying he can't make it so he must have been planning to meet him. I confronted him but he just shouted at me and didn't answer my question. Every time I try and ask him he gets the hump.

I really don't know what to do, I love him with all my heart but it is contantly on my mind and I think about it every day and can't get over it.

He use to say he won't do it again but now getting closer to home with his mate I don't know what to think anymnore. Im so parinoid about it and very depressed.

I Don't know WHAT TO DO h HELP!!

smoothy · Apr 16, 2012, 12:59 PM

Not gay... because he's still sleeping with you (gays aren't attracted to the opposite sex)... or at least, was. Bisexual possibly (they are attracted to both)... cheating quite likely (all the indications are there).

hheath541 · Apr 16, 2012, 01:43 PM

He may be gay, and unable to admit to himself. He may be gay, and unwilling to lose a 'safe' relationship. He may be bisexual, and trying to have it all.

Regardless of his actual orientation, he's clearly hiding something. His behavior is suspicious, and it seems you have good cause to worry. It's an on-going thing, so it's doubtful he's going to just stop. You need to seriously think about what you want, and need, out of the relationship, and confront him with any concerns. If possible, look into couple's counseling, which isn't a bad idea before marriage.

smoothy, it is possible for gays to engage in heterosexual sex. Physical stimulation and an active imagination can overcome a lack of attraction, sometimes without the individual even realizing/acknowledging they're doing it.

smoothy · Apr 16, 2012, 03:10 PM

Possible and enjoying are two different things... and there is no indication there was that aspect. And if there is that aspect of being attracted at all to the opposite sex... then they are bi. WHich by its very definition, means they like both... maybe not equally, but still both.

L2012nyc · Apr 17, 2012, 10:10 PM

Unless you are willing to share him with men, you should leave while you can. I know it's hard, but the signs are there. I don't want to get into it bcs this is your post, but I'm right there with you and myself esteem is totally gone after 8 years. Find someone who will love and appreciate you for the beautiful woman that you are! Xo