[Sunday9]

We have been going out for 5 years now, and living together for the last 4. We are both 23. She left me 5 days ago while I was at school, and took everything she owns with her.

This totally blindsided me, I never saw it coming. In 5 years, we have been each others whole world, to the point of having few external friends in our life. I have been frantic, pacing back and forth, crying, physically ill a few times. All I want to do is get her back.

She has given me very mixed messages. The first night, she wrote me an email, telling me that we have serious problems in our relationship, and that she just needs space. That she knows she's not who I want for the rest of my life, and that her old self wouldn't respect her new self. She said that her whole life has become about me.That she "Doesn't know who she is as a person," and that we should say everything we've never been able to say through email. I replied with an email of my own, telling her that while I disagree with some things she said, I know that I have issues of my own, and I want to work on them. She replied to this email and told me that she was "too tired to finish", but she would finish writing in the morning. She never wrote back. She finally replied to one of my texts and told me she would "call me before bed". But she never called.

I didn't hear from her again for 2 days, despite numerous attempts to contact her. Today, she sent me a text that said "I need a few more days to collect myself. I will send you an email thursday night". (It's Sunday today).

What does all of this mean? I haven't ever gone more than 2 days without speaking to her in all our five years. I'm not willing to just move and say "screw it, she's gone". I don't want to move on to somebody else, I want her back. I thought we were going to spend the rest of our lives together. I had no idea that our relationship was ever in jeopardy, she never indicated as such to me.

Please, give me some suggestions on how to get her back. She asked me to give her space and not contact her, but it is almost unbearable. Her family does not like me, and she is staying with them. What can I do to get her back?

I wanted to add this.

I know I have been terrible at showing her that I love her, especially the past year or so. It's been a hard year for the both of us, and we've fought more than we used to. I have a problem with getting angry about other things, but taking out my emotions on her as a release. It's not fair to her, and I am ashamed I have treated her this way.

[talaniman]

Don't panic friend, its just a break up, and it sucks but she seems quite clear that she isn't coming back. Now of course this is probably the worst thing that could happen and its surely hurt and throws you way off, but that's why she waited until you went to work and is avoiding you now.

She said don't contact her, and trust me, no matter what the urge is you better not because then you will annoy her, and piss her off, and make a fool of yourself adding to your misery. Go to the gym instead. Work hard, and get the bad feelings out.

I know its scary being alone for probably the first time in your adult life, but you get use to it, after the shock wears off.

Now hit the gym.

[Sunday9]

Isn't it worth working on though? It's been 5 years, and I know we can make this work. Isn't there anything I CAN do to convince her to give this another chance?

I'm not ready to give this up just yet. I'm not letting this relationship end like this without a fight. What are some strategies I can use to show her I'm willing to change, and work on this?

At the very least, I would like to at least talk with her, to get her true feelings out there. Sending me these mixed messages, telling me she'll call when she doesn't etc is shatttering my heart into a billion pieces.

There's a chance right? Sometimes people really do just need a little space to think about things right? I need some hope, and I'm willing to do anything.

[talaniman]

She keeps putting you off, and that's not a mixed signal. Its her way of ending the conversation. Fight if you must, but you have to change first, and she will never believe that since you haven't in all this time.

Do the changes and see how you feel in 6 months. Think before you go fighting for some one that has dumped you and left.