[lovebigrack]

My girlfriend of 5 months, who's been separated from her husband for 6 months, recently went back. They have a 2 yr old daughter and she is currently 7 months pregnant w/his kid. He's verbally abusive to both my girlfriend and their daughter. She's afraid that if she divorces him, he will mentally hurt their daughter and also the new baby. He basically blackmailing her. How can I get her to see that its not best for her and her kids?

[talaniman]

Unfotunately that's something she has to decide for herself, and I am sure you have talked about this for a while now before, yet she still went back.

Makes you wonder doesn't it, and it is sad. Surely no rational person would stoop to this?! In all my years, I have NEVER understood situations like this either. But it happens all to often, with the same results. Broken lives, and broken people.

[lovebigrack]

Thank you for the advice. To update the situation, after moving back in with her and their daughter 1 week ago, he left after they fought yesterday. He blew up, tried to yank their daughter out of her arrms, then left to go play video games. He came back late last night. Her and I stopped talking after she went back to him originally, but have talked via text the last 3time days. But I know that I need to stoo and move on. Just need the strength to not let myself fall for her again.

[talaniman]

To accomplish that, you have to leave her alone, as painful as that will be.

[joypulv]

We can't tell online what the basis of her fears might be, or if there is any element of excuses in what she says are her reasons. I'm a little suspicious of a woman who has actually LEFT a husband for 5 whole months who now says she is 'afraid' of divorcing. It sounds a bit like she doesn't know what she wants and might even need a certain amount of confrontation in her life. Some people equate it with love, and lack of it with lack of love. Usually as a result of how they grew up.
Now she texts you when there's an altercation? Trouble I would stay away from as long as she's back at her or their home.

[mmresd]

You should have respected the marriage until it has been concluded, as in a divorce. Lesson learned, there in nothing you can do now but to back away and do what you should have done from the beginning.

[lovebigrack]

Moved to existing thread about the same two people

My husband and I have been married for a 1 1/2 years. We have a 2product year old and I'm 6 months pregnant. He tells me how boring I am, how we rushed into are marriage and how he's the best I will ever get! He's cheated on me before we were married as well since we married. Right before I found out that I was pregnant, I started flirting with my boss. So when my husband and I fought and he said he was moving out again(hes left 3 or 4 times) I was all for it. My boss and I started seeing each other and started dating. My boss is really sweet guy, treats me and my daughter great, takes us places, where my husband wouldn't go anywhere and makes way more money than my husband. My husband hates my family, they don't like him and I don't like his drama family! But, I recently went back to my husband and broke it off with my boss. My husband and I are trying to work things out for are kids. What has been your past experiences when couples stay together for kids? Thank you for your advice!

[JudyKayTee]

Experiences when couples stay together "for the sake of the kids" vary by how committed the couple is, how bad the marriage is, a number of factors.

What is a "2 product year old"? Do you mean a two year old?

I would assume that "seeing each other" and "dating" meant you were having sex with your boss. Do you still work for this person? Do you know who the father of your unborn child is?

Here is the kicker for me - the boss makes "way more money" that your husband. I suspect that's what you throw in his face when he tells you how boring you are.

You both need counselling.

EDIT: I now realize you've posted before, presenting yourself as the BOYFRIEND (not the husband), the MALE, not the female - and other BIG discrepancies as well. https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...nd-651065.html I'll give you the benefit of the doubt but something is not right here. One of these posts is a lie - or perhaps both are.

AMHD is not a game. Please stop using it as one.

Fascinating - here you've posted a different scenario, presenting yourself as the WIFE of an abusive husband, concerned whether to go try to "save" her marriage. https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/marria...nd-653522.html

There are other discrepancies as well.

How badly do you need the attention your threads get?

[joypulv]

I see a tiny bit of a difference in writing style between 'boyfriend' (other post) and 'wife' (this post). This might be a case of this woman writer using the account of her male boss.

[JudyKayTee]

I see a tiny bit of a difference in writing style between 'boyfriend' (other post) and 'wife' (this post). This might be a case of this woman writer using the account of her male boss.

Agree - but either way it's misuse of AMHD, and the "facts" of the matter differ.

Does OP think the advice changes as the sex of the person asking changes? (I find the screen name of this "woman" - love big rack - to say a lot about the OP in BOTH threads.)

Never mind, that was rhetorical.

[talaniman]

Intentional or not, what we have is alias abuse so there is little choice but to close these posts and hope the pregnant female starts her own account, and maybe the confusion can end.