[ilandbech]

I am also a victim of domestic violence, and my husband is addicted to prescription drugs. He had a mixture of drugs and alcohol when this occurred. Im just not sure if I can trust him again. We've been married almost four years and there has been some yelling and bad fights, but never call physical till now. I called police after he threw my out of the house by my hair, and he was arrested. He says he has cut his medicine by half and is cutting down all of them. He says he will never drink again, and I so want to believe him. We have no kids, he is 61 and I am 46, it's a second marriage for both of us and I do not want to go threw another divorce. What do I do?

[Fr_Chuck]

Only you know but it sounds like it was building, arguing , yelling and fights, then abuse, my personal guess it will build faster again. As a police officer I keep seeing the time and time again, I am sure a few changed but most never did.

[ilandbech]

Thank you for responding. My heart is just so torn! I hear people constatly telling me it only gets worse. But I want to believe so badly that he is the exception.

[Jake2008]

People can change, and marriages can survive after addictions have put a big rip in the fabric.

That your husband thinks that a) he can do this alone, and b) you believe him, isn't realistic- on both ends.

Set some firm expectations. He should not be detoxing without medical assistance, and the first step is to visit the family Doctor. That is the first, basic expectation.

The Doctor may do many things, such as decrease the amount of the drug safely over time, or change the medication. He must have been put on whatever he's on for a reason, which you didn't state. That core problem is still there, until his Doctor tells him otherwise, and can made medication changes.

I suspect that drinking has been a long standing problem, in addition to the drugs. The alcohol and drugs together could very well be a lethal combination. Again, the Doctor needs to know what is going on.

I would then insist that he seek professional help, as far as counselling, or a three-step program. Whatever route he goes, he has to make the comittment to see it through.

When and if he makes the choice to get clean and sober, and you can actually rely on him to keep his word, over a period, say six months minimum, then yes, I think you have a shot at saving your marriage.

Will he change? Can he change? That is entirely up to him, but one thing is for certain- you cannot expect his word alone to convince you that you won't be facing another divorce.

He has to do the work.

[ilandbech]

Yes, he needs back surgery, and we have no insurance, he has been told needs medical detox but with no insurance, the costs are ridiculous! I have spent more than 3 hours calling around trying to get some help for him. He doesn't think detox and rehab is the answer because will have to be put back on drugs after surgery. So trying to get him into surgeon for back, and there we have no insurance either. Its emotionally exhausting!
Your right I can't take his word. Im not living there, I don't know what he does all night. I hope he will do the right thing, I can't trust him.

[Jake2008]

That is very sad. You're between a rock and a hard place right now. Paying for what he needs is impossible at the moment. Medical detox, rehab, surgery, then more drugs.

He too is understandably messed up about it all. Every avenue will be painful until at least the surgery.

Some distance for yourself is a good Idea I think. I would do what you are doing; you can't put yourself at risk.

I do feel badly for you though that answers aren't easier to come by, at least things to try, or a few more options.

I hope that others may respond with suggestions as to where to seek help.

[ilandbech]

That is very sad. You're between a rock and a hard place right now. Paying for what he needs is impossible at the moment. Medical detox, rehab, surgery, then more drugs.

He too is understandably messed up about it all. Every avenue will be painful until at least the surgery.

Some distance for yourself is a good Idea I think. I would do what you are doing; you can't put yourself at risk.

I do feel badly for you though that answers aren't easier to come by, at least things to try, or a few more options.

I hope that others may respond with suggestions as to where to seek help.

Thank you. I I never thought I would write on here, let alone, be so appreciative for others who do!

[ballengerb1]

I see someone dropped in and dropped a reddie along with some juvinile comments on Chuck. That is strange since no one here seems upset with his answer, which is correct BTW.