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beachgirl3 · Apr 12, 2012, 08:56 PM

I met a fellow and there was instant mutual attraction. He said from the beginning that he did not think that he as ready for a relationship and that he was still healing from his divorce. Several times during the relationship he walked away from it saying the same thing. Each time he came back he said that it would not happen again... We enjoyed one another and he always had very sweet and kind words. He made comments about a future together up until two nights before he decided for sure that he was not ready. If he had not said the things that he did I would have been happy to say beat it... instead my heart is broken. I feel like there is no ready or not ready if you meet "the one"... but I am a romantic. I just don't want to accept that I am not "the one"! He was in a long marriage but he was the one who left. There was no infidelity but he feels guilty just the same. Is it really true that a man needs time to heal... or am I just not the right one for him?

Kahani Punjab · Apr 12, 2012, 08:59 PM

Beach Girl,

Let me welcome you to this wonderful site, first

Your question is -

Originally Posted by beachgirl3

Is it really true that a man needs time to heal....or am I just not the right one for him??

The first point is a fact and bigger possibility, while the second is an assumption. From your language, I presume you are not of much age, while he - as he is out of 'long' marriage - might be of more age than you, much more. I repeat that he might be behaving such as the past memories must be lingering with him, even as it was he who came out and that too might have been intentional divorce. Is not it? Still, just talk to him and I am sure he can tell the honest and frank answer. You can wait too, as the old wounds take time to heal. Do not worry. Good luck!

I wait for your reply & reaction.

beachgirl3 · Apr 12, 2012, 09:11 PM

It's just that everything you read says that if a man tells you he is not ready for a relationship that it really means he is not ready for a relationship with you... I don't want to believe this! : }

Kahani Punjab · Apr 12, 2012, 09:17 PM

No, apparent is never the real.
Believe in Shakespeare, when he says, "Appearences are deceptive." Similarly, uttertings are always misleading and usually the opposites are true. But, you sit with him, talk to him, and assess his behaviour towards you. Does he come close to you? Touch you? Something physical?

Not ready means 'Not ready' now, but there are chances he may get into relationship with you. Actually, he is trying to get over the past and start the life and love anew. He is in what we call transition period. Here, he wants and seeks positive soothers from you, and if he says 'not ready', it might be read 'I shall think over it and will consider it' but if he does not want to be with you, he will directly say NO. That is the language of relationships.

Homegirl 50 · Apr 13, 2012, 01:11 AM

Everyone needs time to heal after a relationship and especially after a long marriage.
If a person tells you they are not ready for a relationship, believe them. If you don't and you get hurt, then you want to blame him and that is not fair. He told you what the deal was.
Give this man time and space. That is the best thing you can do for him and for yourself.