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nygypsy1 · Apr 12, 2012, 07:36 PM

I am turning 13 this year I'm in 6th grade about to go in 7th. I have asked my mom for things that I want and she has said no to all of them. Like a Facebook, cartilage piercing, nose piercing, use makeup in public, die my hair brown or black(I'm blond),). She won't let me be who I want to be. She thinks in to young for anything.

I feel like I can't express myself. I have felt depressed a tiny bit because of this.I wish I could be different from other people that's why I want some of these things.

Please help me think of ways to make her think I'm more mature.
Please
Please

nygypsy1 · Apr 14, 2012, 05:01 PM

Please give me feed back please

Wondergirl · Apr 14, 2012, 05:09 PM

Originally Posted by nygypsy1

Like a facebook, cartilage piercing, nose piercing, use makeup in public, die my hair brown or black(I'm blond),). She won't let me be who I want to be. She thinks in to young for anything.

I could be different from other people that's why I want some of these things.

EVERYBODY (even me!) is on Facebook. LOTS of people have cartilage and nose (and other) piercings. EVERY woman over 16 wears makeup. COUNTLESS women dye (not die) their hair.

How would doing these things make you different from other people? Seems like doing them would make you just like everyone else.

How can you be different--REALLY different?

ScottGem · Apr 14, 2012, 05:14 PM

You are 12 years old. You are too young to have piercings (other than ears). You are too young to dye your hair. You have to be 13 to have a Facebook account. You are old enough to start using a LITTLE bit of makeup.

Your mom loves you and is trying to protect you from growing up too fast. You are clearly not mature enough if this depresses you.

nygypsy1 · Apr 14, 2012, 06:19 PM

Can I get some GOOD help.

nygypsy1 · Apr 14, 2012, 06:23 PM

Originally Posted by ScottGem

You are 12 years old. You are too young to have piercings (other than ears). You are too young to dye your hair. You have to be 13 to have a Facebook account. You are old enough to start using a LITTLE bit of makeup.

Your mom loves you and is trying to protect you from growing up too fast. You are clearly not mature enough if this depresses you.

YOU ARE SO RONG[ B]you dont know anything[/B]

Wondergirl · Apr 14, 2012, 06:25 PM

Why aren't you too young? Because other girls your age do these things?

nygypsy1 · Apr 14, 2012, 06:32 PM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Why aren't you too young? Because other girls your age do these things?

That's exactly why

Wondergirl · Apr 14, 2012, 06:34 PM

So, since everyone else does it, you should be able to do it too. Right?

Can you think of anyone who doesn't do any of those things? I'll bet those girls are younger. If any are your age, they probably are not the popular girls. Right?

ScottGem · Apr 14, 2012, 06:46 PM

See that's why you are immature. You didn't come here to get good advice. You came here to find someone who will agree with you. But we don't work that way. We give the best advice we can, including telling you the truth. You may not like, it, you may not agree with it. But you have gotten good advice. And we know you a lot better than you think we do. Because we have seen post like yours and teens like you, loads of times.

Fr_Chuck · Apr 14, 2012, 07:05 PM

Yes you don't want good real advice you want someone just to agree with you, that is not how it works for mature people.

My son is in 6th grade and he just got a face book page, but I have to have the password to it and I check and read everything he does. ( so that is a option, allow mom and dad to set it up and monitor everything you do)
And sorry the majority of girls his age do not wear make up, do not dye their hair. You are just 12 and wanting too much too fast,

ttaayylloorr18 · Apr 14, 2012, 11:32 PM

I think wearing a lot of make up and getting cartilage piercings and a nose piercing is a little too much at 12... dying hair... eh, that's pushing it. I don't see a problem with Facebook. I just think that you need to be careful with it. My parents never checked mine. I don't agree with what Chuck and Scott say because I think they're too old to understand teenage girls. But, I think that maybe show your mom how you'd do your make up and start with that. Just don't go crazy with it. Maybe just a little mascara and some lip gloss. Start with that

nygypsy1 · Apr 15, 2012, 11:23 AM

Fr_ Chuck

Almost every one at my middle school are aloud to make up, die their hair

ScottGem · Apr 15, 2012, 11:35 AM

Originally Posted by ttaayylloorr18

I don't agree with what Chuck and Scott say because i think they're too old to understand teenage girls.

And how young do you have to be? Sorry, but that's a BS response. You have no idea what our involvement with teenage girls is or how well we understand them (as an example Chuck is a minister who works with teenagers in counseling centers). And the odd thing here is you didn't say anything materially different from what I said. You agree the piercings are "a bit much" and that dyeing hair is pushing it. You may not see a problem with Facebook, but it's a fact that the minimum age for FB is 13. And I suggested a little bit of makeup is fine. So it would seem I have a similar understanding as you do.

Speaking for myself, I believe I understand teenage girls all too well. And I think I understand the OP all too well. Like a lot of teens these days she sees teens in the media doing things she thinks is cool and want to emulate them without understanding the consequences.

But what really matters here is her mother. Do you think her mother doesn't know her? Do you think her mother doesn't have her best interests at heart? So, as long as her mother set the rules, she needs to abide by them.

n0la · May 30, 2012, 10:29 AM

Well, I didn't dye my hair until I was 15... (I had it blonde) and I'm dying my hair colours in a few months, I had to wait a long time until I could finally dye my hair.. and I've just turned 16 !

Yes it's "depressing" but it's not everything! You will have time to do that when you're older...

I mean you're only 12/13, so you have A lot of time (as do I) to do whatever you want with yourself, it's probably best to listen to your mom or keep nagging her and she will eventually give in! Because mine did!

I have my cartlidge on the top/side of my ear pierced but she doesn't know about that, I got it done behind her back.. I wouldn't encourage a 12 year old to do it.. and I still feel guilty. I suppose that side of it is up to you really.. I ALSO really want my septum pierced, but my mom is dead against it!

Focus on more important things for now.. like school/education. All those things will come much later, trust me! I'm still going through it even at 16 hahaha and I'm perfectly happy!

Alty · May 30, 2012, 10:52 AM

Originally Posted by nygypsy1

Fr_ Chuck
almost every one at my middle school are aloud to make up, die their hair

And does everyone in middle school know the difference between aloud and allowed, and die and dye?

Kiddo, you're not mature enough. Not even close, and just because your friends are doing it, doesn't mean it's okay. Maybe their parents just don't care about them as much as yours care about you.

Bottom line, you aren't being an individual, or finding yourself, by doing what everyone else is doing. If you really want to stand out, go against the grain.

This line is trite, but it's true. If all your friends jumped off a bridge, would you?

Fact is, you're a child, and what your parents say, goes. The more you bug mom about it, the more she'll stick to her guns, because that just shows that you aren't yet mature enough to make these decisions or accept the rules of the house you live in.

Cheer up. When you're 18 you can do whatever you want to your body. Hopefully by then you'll have the common sense and maturity to realize that being a sheep isn't all it's cracked up to be.

Good luck.

Laurenlith · Jul 3, 2012, 09:21 AM

I'm 14 and I'm totally right where you are. It seems like my mom wants me to be normal. And all the adults who think that in the long run you're helping, you are. But honestly, kids don't like to be called immature. And we aren't 21, we don't know what we will think then. Good advice, in my opinion, is to slowly start expanding your moms boundaries. It works occasionally for me. For example, ask if you can put some feathers in your hair. Later on, ask for streaks. Eventually maybe you could ask for light brown hair with some blond highlights (a good compromise) Be very nice to your mom, do chores, buy her something. I totally know how you feel! I don't want you still going through this two years from now because it's caused severe depression in me too, and I think I'm pretty mature for my age. Thanks adults too for your help, but just like for kids it's hard to see through the eyes of a different age. I hope this helped(:

ScottGem · Jul 3, 2012, 09:28 AM

Originally Posted by Laurenlith

kids don't like to be called immature.
... i think im pretty mature for my age.

I enjoyed your response. I think it was a good balance and showed that you may very well be mature for your age.

But of course kids don't like to be called immature. Adults don't like to be called old fogeys. But it takes maturity to accept what you really are.

Alty · Jul 3, 2012, 12:14 PM

Originally Posted by Laurenlith

I'm 14 and I'm totally right where you are. It seems like my mom wants me to be normal. And all the adults who think that in the long run you're helping, you are. But honestly, kids don't like to be called immature. And we aren't 21, we don't know what we will think then. Good advice, in my opinion, is to slowly start expanding your moms boundaries. It works occasionally for me. For example, ask if you can put some feathers in your hair. Later on, ask for streaks. Eventually maybe you could ask for light brown hair with some blond highlights (a good compromise) Be very nice to your mom, do chores, buy her something. I totally know how you feel! I don't want you still going through this two years from now because it's caused severe depression in me too, and I think I'm pretty mature for my age. Thanks adults too for your help, but just like for kids it's hard to see through the eyes of a different age. I hope this helped(:

I also enjoyed your post, and it does show maturity. I only have one thing to point out and comment on, and that's your last line.

Thanks adults too for your help, but just like for kids it's hard to see through the eyes of a different age. I hope this helped

There is a difference. It's very hard for a child to look through the eyes of an adult, because they aren't adults yet. But, for an adult it's very easy to look through the eyes of a child. We've been there, we've done that. We don't call children immature to be mean, we call them immature because we know they are, as were we when we were children.

Children look at adults and think they don't understand. The fact is, we do, and we remember what it was like. We make the rules we make to protect you, so that you don't have to learn things the hard way, like we did.

I'm a very easy going mom. I also connect with my children because I very much remember what it was like to be the ages they are now. My son is almost 14. I remember at 14 I thought my parents were too strict. I also thought they had changed, that they went from being cool, to being aliens I didn't know. Turns out they didn't change at all, it was me.

I do understand that teens have to start separating themselves from their parents. It's a natural progression that will help them be independent one day. But, there are so many things that can ruin your life, especially when you're young and think you know everything, when you really don't.

I made a lot of bad decisions when I was a young teen. I wish that parents had been stricter. My parents trusted me. They shouldn't have. I trust my kids, but I also know that all it takes is one very bad decision and it can ruin their life.

Dyeing your hair is nothing. I'm allowing my 9 year old daughter to get a pink highlight. I see no harm in that. But that's me, and my way of parenting. I can tell you that she's not allowed to date until she's 16, she has rules she has to follow, as does my son (who also isn't allowed to date one on one until he's 16), and that most importantly, I talk to my kids, and they talk to me. There's nothing they can't tell me, and they know it. I may not always like what they say, but I'm always there to listen.

So don't discount the wisdom of adults. We've been where you are now, and we lived to tell about it. Some kids don't. Too many in fact. We don't make rules to spoil your fun, or to exercise our power, we make them because we love you, we'd die for you, and we want to keep you safe.

Laurenlith · Jul 3, 2012, 08:34 PM

Originally Posted by Alty

I also enjoyed your post, and it does show maturity. I only have one thing to point out and comment on, and that's your last line.

There is a difference. It's very hard for a child to look through the eyes of an adult, because they aren't adults yet. But, for an adult it's very easy to look through the eyes of a child. We've been there, we've done that. We don't call children immature to be mean, we call them immature because we know they are, as were we when we were children.

Children look at adults and think they don't understand. The fact is, we do, and we remember what it was like. We make the rules we make to protect you, so that you don't have to learn things the hard way, like we did.

But, there are so many things that can ruin your life, especially when you're young and think you know everything, when you really don't.

Yes I Definitely understand how adults can see far better how we feel then us to them. However, times have changed and so has society. Things may have been far different back when our parents were born. Another thing to consider is the fact that my mother was completely different than me when she was my age. Therefore, she has no idea how I see life through my own eyes; how I think about and consider life. She was far more happy go lucky, I am more cinical (I don't know how to spell that) and want more freedom. And it may seem like kids think they know everything, but lots of the times we know we don't inside. But neither do adults! Nobody knows everything, and that's just the truth. Adults do have more experience though. I'll give them that ^-^