[vince1507]

I knew this girl I like and have went out with her 3 times for lunch and dinner. In fact we knew each other 1 month plus only. The first dates we went for dinner and follow by a movie. After the movies I ask her whether you want to go for a drink but she refused and insists to go home straight. So I sent her home and when we reach her home I ask whether can I go up with you to your flat but she says No so I head straight home too and when I was on my way home I did text her to check whether she has reached home and whether everything is OK but there wasn't any text from her. Upon reaching my home I called her numerous times but she did not answer my phone too. So I text her again whether she is angry? Few hours later she text me and said she is not angry and got nothing to share with me.

Few days later during my work, I msn her whether we can meet again and her replied was simply No. But the amazing thing is she remembers we are supposed to meet on 10th Apr for dinner and without any hesitation I agreed. So the next day she text me and greet me Good Morning which I did retrieve my phone until later part I saw this MSG. Then she messages me through Msn and told me she cannot make it on 10th Apr. So I ask her what happened and she did not reply me but instead she ask me out for lunch on 29th mar instead.

While we were having lunch, there are so many things she share with me and also tell me she likes my photo which I post on my MSN and she also commented that the short MSG which I wrote seems quite interesting. So few days past and I txt her again whether can we meet for lunch on 5th Apr and a day later she replied sure. So 3rd Apr I ask her again whether our date is confirm and she said confirm. On the actual day before we meet for lunch, I text her to tell I am looking forward to seeing her and she replied same.

While we having lunch at Jack's place, I fed her a small piece of my steak and chicken and she ate it. During our conversation I kept staring and looking into her beautiful eyes and she did noticed and she too kept staring and looking into my eyes. Actually I wanted to hold her hand but fear that she will reject me. Later part she did ask me whether I want to try her food and I said OK and she fed me too with her spoon. Both of us have a great time.

She told me that she prefer to have lunch than dinner and I told her at times we should have dinner and she told this is part of her job as a sales exe. But I argue with her and told her never mind since you do not want to go dinner with me and she said that I did not say I do not want to go dinner with you but what I am saying is I prefer lunch and moreover you did not ask me out for dinner?

After we left the restaurant and I was tempted to hold her hand but still worry rejection. Few hours later she message me to tell me the tea she had earlier in the restaurant is very nice and she like it.(Is she trying to hint anything to me).I MSG her back and tell her I miss her but till today she has not replied me yet.

My question is does she treat me as a friend or more than a friend? Does she like me? Hope to hear from you soon.

Thank you
Vince

[talaniman]

She likes you enough to make time for you in her busy schedule, and even starts conversations to learn about you but I don't get the sense from what you wrote that you engage her the same way. I see you moving her to romance after a few dates, and her resisting.

I think the friendship can grow if you back off the romance/lust/physical part of this. For the next 6 months, just look at learning about each other, slowly, and naturally, and see where it goes. And have some confidence, while you two strangers get comfortable with each other.

Go slow guy, and put your best foot forward, not just in character, but in conversation. Don't worry about holding hands, hold onto her mind. That's what dating is about. Have fun, why argue like a petulant child about lunch versus dinner. You ignore important information with your disappointments, and your expectations are unreasonable.

She is a sales exec so a certain amount of sophistication, nuance, and communications is highly required. Drama and insecurity is NOT, so be patient, and attentive to those small clues. Don't push to hard, or to fast.

[vince1507]

Hi thanks for your comment.Well appreciated.But I don't get you that why should I look into just friendship and not relationship?Any reason why should I back off my romance from her? Do you mean she just treat me as a friend and we can't develop into relationship? Please explain?
The other question which I would like to ask is why there are times when I greet her good night and sweet dream she did reply the same MSG and other time I greet her she did not want to reply?Also sometimes I call her DEAR she did not reply?Any problem with that?
Lastly,she will answer my call only when we cannot locate each other and other than that she will not answer my phone or even text her?Is she trying to play HARD TO GET game?

Overall in your point of view,does she treat me as a friend only or she likes or interested in me?Any possibility we can develop?

Please comment.

Thank you
Vince

[talaniman]

She is in no hurry to give her heart away, you are trying hard for her to give it to you. Yet you know nothing of her history, wants and needs, and she knows little of yours. You are insecure and in a hurry, she is self assured and is not in a hurry.

See the conflict here? You push she resists. You fret and worry, she glides along at her own pace. Dude, this will never be about just what you want, that's obvious, but what she wants, and can you provide it. So yes this starts as friendship, and you see where it leads, and stop trying to steer this where you want.

Too Much, Too Fast, Crash and Burn

Consider the jury still out, and you take the risk of finding out what the real deal is. In truth I think the best relationships are built on friendships that grow beyond the romance. I also know if you push the romance too fast, the friendship does not develop properly, and never grows. It is really unreasonable that dinners and lunches win the heart. They are but opportunities, and what's obvious here, she will not give her heart or let you close until you have earned and deserved it. Trust me, she has FULL control over the pace of things, and while you worry if she likes you, or not, she is wondering if SHE likes YOU or not, and looks to see if a friend connection is possible.

What do you know of her history, her past? Think about that, why should she even trust you? Why should she even let you get close enough to hurt her, fool her, or waste her time with foolish notions of romance, and flings. You probably are smitten, and think you are in love.

According to you, you are the only one she is dating, and you worry if she likes you or not!! Sure she does, how much is up to you. Dating is for having fun getting to know some one, and for that, you better be more than just a pleasant eating partner, because for sure she is watching to see what you do with the opportunities she gives you. Relax, and get to know her mind fella. A few lunch dates is hardly a romance that has promise, no matter how bad you want it to be.

[vince1507]

Hi thanks for your comment again.However there are some points which you brought up like I am too pushy and she resists which I totally disagreed on this issue.But I would like you to know that I barely knew her for 2 months and I think she will quite interested or likes me if not she won't waste her times going lunch dates with me.In your own words you mentioned that she likes me enough even to plan her time even with her busy schedule.This statement I agreed with you.let's be honest with the girl you do not like,will you want to meet her again.Definitely not even though is just a friend.You will definitely go for the girl whom you are really like.Why you would want to waste your time on the girl whom you do not like.I have to be very frank with you,for sure If the first date with the girl that I don't like if she calls me out again I will turn down the offer.This is human nature.You mentioned that I am pushy,I can tell you I hardly call her on her phone.As I mentioned to you that the first date which I have with her yes I did call her numerous time just to make sure everything is well but since she did not answered my phone or reply my text then I stop calling her.(Once bitten twice shy).other than that I will only call her is when we cannot locate each other.I barely knew her for 2 months and I hardly call her or text her.Yes I totally agreed with you that youhave to develop friendship before relationship but if the girl is meant for you then somehow she can't even run away from you.She will come back to you.Even though she can go out dating with other guys and inside of her she still think of the guy she likes.If can't be together than move on with life and have a good catch again as there are plenty of fishes out there.Yes her profession is a sales exec and she needs to meet up with new clients.Such a cute and sweet girl Ike her surely guy will want to make friend with her.I pray that she will be matured enough to know the good and the bad guy when they ask her out and can never take advantage of her.Just to let you know that I am not that kind of guy who will spot check on her where she goes ad who she went out with even though she is sweet and pretty.So what she goes out with handsome guy.She got her own life and also circle of friends and so do I.Majority of the girls do not like the guy to control them because this make them feel insecure.Birds also needs freedom to roam around so are we selfish creature on this earth.I have make up my mind only to date her perhaps 2 weeks once or once a month so that we can have more things to share rather than meeting almost everyday and moreover for sure she will really looking forward to meet me and I too.It will be excited and fun.You know last thurs I supposed to meet up with her at 1:15pm and ended up she is half an hour earlier than me.(Can't wait to see me... hahaha... excited and I like it)as she text me to inform me that she has reached there early).I really like the way she fed me with her food and this showed that there is a interest that she shows in me.Lastly,I NEED YOU TO BE VERY FRANK WITH ME.IF YOU NOT INTERESTED WITH THE GIRL,WILL YOU TAKE NOTICE OF HER A SHORT MSG THAT SHE LEFT ON THE MSN OR SKYPE.BUT SHE IS.ALWAYS WHEN WE MET SHE WILL ASK ME WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT MSG AND THIS IS THE 2 TIMES SHE IS ASKING ME.FOR SHE WILL CONTINUE TO NOTICE IT.I FEEL GOOD COZ THIS SHOW THAT SHE REALLY LIKES ME... HAHA.WHAT DO YOU THINK?

[talaniman]

You are correct, so no need for fear, just enjoy getting to know each other, and see what comes of it.

[mmresd]

If you are going to be dating, then you are going to have to throw out the fear of rejections, is part of the learning procedure. As far as she likes you or not, tell her how you feel in person... HOWEVER... it seems like you are moving way faster than she is, I would first maybe flirt with her and not be so romantic in a relationship where things aren't so clear.

[vince1507]

I am trying to show concern for her by calling her yesterday but she said I am a busybody?What does she mean?Does she treat me just a friend only?Actually there is a age gap between both us.I am 43 n she is 25.She did ask me about my age but I never disclosed to her.She did saw my photo which I posted on my MSN and she commented that my photos looks younger.Since she does not know my age.
I remember one time I did ask her what she does during her free time.She said that she is the kind that cannot stay at home.

So my questioned is the reasons she goes out with me is kill her time?Can you please advise on this?

Thank you

[talaniman]

I can only see you are a part of her life and she is just not ready to let her shield down. You are only dating, and for now that's the way it is. Don't question us for meanings, just take her for what she is and enjoy it as you get it, but its way to early to think this is anything but the dating experience. You are just getting to friends to be honest. And NOT that close yet.

You have to accept she has a life that she enjoys, and she hasn't made you a major part of it. I think you should be as nonchalant about this as she is. And have your own active social life. I don't think you will pin this 25 year old down with 43 year old thinking, and approach.

Do you even know what she does when she is not at home? Probably what any 25 year old would be doing, having fun with her own age group.

[vince1507]

Hi thanks for yr adv and comment.
Anyway we are meeting for dinner this coming thurs.Was thinking of bringing her to a romantic restaurant.What do you think?
Also I will try my best to make her happy when we meet up on this Thursday and everything will turn out wonderfully.I will try to hug or hold her hand to see her reaction towards me.

I did ask the LORD for miracle these days that He will send rain into our land which is today our Singapore time
And for yesterday that He will give us a good weather without any rain to proof that this girl is ready for it without any rejection or hesitation when I hug or hold her hand which the LORD does it.
So I am going all out to get her to proof that He has is faithful that promised.

[vince1507]

If you don't try you wouldn't know.She did told me normally after work she will go home straight or sometimes will meet up with her mum.She is an Asian from Indonesia whereas I am a pure Singaporean.Every girls has different character and behavior.I always believed how she is being brought up by her parents.She may looks decent but for sure she got a lot of friends.Whether you is enjoying life with her age group which I do not want to bother.What I am interested is how she spend time with me.Anyway,both of us comes from Asia and perhaps the culture in the western are totally different from Asia.If she accept me then I must praise the Lord and if not try again the next time who knows by then she is willing to accept me.Anyway I will continue to date her out for lunch and surely mission will be accomplish one day... hahaha

[talaniman]

Or you don't focus on her so much, but on yourself and what you do with others. You are single and free to live your own life, so why get locked into her so much?

I agree that the question of whether she can be a viable romantic partner is an open one, and lunch is okay, but just me, I would still be exploring other options for romance, friendship, and social fun, with others. Why NOT??

[Balarasara]

I think maybe she just might want to be your friend,I am a girl so I know how it works,start small,and then maybe she will like you even more later on in life.