[concerned1408]

Hi, I am 16 and I think I fancy my best friend. We have been friends for 5 years now but I have found myself thinking about her in a sexual way if you know what I mean. She has always been there for me when I have needed her, she tells me that I can tell her anything but if that's true how do you tell your best friend that you fancy her? I don't know how she'd react. She has said that she would never do anything with a girl but I don't know if she was just saying that to cover up in front of everybody else. Nowadays we are always arguing over stupid things, I feel we have drifted apart since I have started to feel like this. I haven't had a boyfriend for about a year now, not because nobody has been interested but because I say no.

Please help me :(

[Nosnosna]

You're in a sticky situation here. Many people are extremely uncomfortable having a friend who has feelings for them, regardless of the genders involved. Add to that the discomfort a lot of people have about homosexuality, and you have what amounts to a mine-field to go through.

Even if she is interested in girls, it's likely that she won't accept that until later in life. A lot of gay or bi people struggle with their sexuality and work hard at being straight throughout adolescence, or even longer.

Most of the time, I recommend just going for it when asking someone out. This time is different. You need to be very careful here... you have to be absolutely sure that she's interested before you broach the subject to her. Go with a slow, methodical approach... when it's just the two of you, talk about sexuality, and find out how she feels about homosexuality. If she's actually accepting and reasonably open about it, then move on to confiding that you're occasionally curious about girls. Just say that you are in general, or that you notice them more like guys do than girls do each other... definitely stay away from telling her that you're thinking about her for now. If that goes well, then proceed to bringing it up relative to her.

If, at any point, she seems bothered by the idea, stop. Don't push, and don't get upset about it... people like what people like, and in the arena of sexuality, it often has little to do with the person.

Also, you need to remember that there are always dangers involved in trying to get involved with a friend in that way. You have to decide if this is worth the danger to your friendship.

I'd recommend waiting to get some advice from some of the other people around here, too... this is worth getting several different opinions on.