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RlyAnnoyed · Apr 1, 2012, 10:14 PM

I never thought I'd have to blog or post my issue online regarding my relationship but I don't know where else to get legit advise from people who will hear this situation and give me their honest thought.

My boyfriend and I after 6 months were becoming serious. We were like friends that met through my ex and well needless to say he wanted my ex gone because he felt it would help our relationship and I didn't have a reason to oblige. Well me and him in this 6 months would get into arguments and he'd completely ignore me from 1 to 3 days and being so hurt I'd go to my ex and vent because before my ex became even a boyfriend or ex he was one of my closest best friends for 8 years.

Well it got to the point where my boyfriend of 6 months laid on me that he would be leaving to go to California (we live in Michigan) and he was leaving in 2 days to go see his "best friend" that's a girl and worked as a stripper at a big strip club in Detroit. My words and thoughts instantly were I didn't even know he even spoke to this girl let alone its his best friend? And an ex stripper? Who is supposedly married? To be honest I would never know because I don't pry into my bfs life and he doesn't really see girls , EVER. I argued for the 2 days wIth him and then he was gone to Cali to go see her. He said he'd be home in 5 days well it turned into 7 days.

And than a week being in Cali he told me he had a one way ticket and didn't know when he'd be home. I went ballistic and insane crying and couldn't fathom that this was happening. Needless to say he was there for 17 days in Cali. He would send me a text or 2 even 2 or 3. Days ignoring my calls and shut off his phone. He was going out to bars and drinking with her AND STAYING AT HER PLACE and doing everything he doesn't at home with me. He hates bars and doesn't drink. He was double dating with his sister and her husband and my boyfriend and this stupid effin girl. He told me he "needed to do this to fix our relationship" and I was "crazy and over dramatic".

When he came home he still constantly calls and texts her and doesn't tell me about it and has her friends #s in his phone. And still insists he was not wrong and some how I'm crazy n insecure and there always going to talk and be friends. I think this is beyond unacceptable. Please give me your thoughts and honest opinions. Helppppp!

Gernald · Apr 2, 2012, 05:53 AM

I'm with you: totally unacceptable.

You're better than this. Find a nice guy who's not totally delusional and will treat you like the lady you are!

My recommendation: give him the ultimatum. Tell him exactly how you feel and tell him why he's being such an idiot. If he's really worth it he'll come running back to you crying. Otherwise as hard as it may be dump the looser. Just think about how much more time you'd be wasting if you spent it waiting for him.

Fr_Chuck · Apr 2, 2012, 06:06 AM

Let me see every time you have a problem, you run and talk with your ex and you don't see a issue there, He goes to see his old friend, and you have a issue.

I am sorry both of you have trouble with understanding how the other feels. Being a stripper does not mean she is a hooker or will sleep with other men, It means she dances with little or no clothes. I think this is not working for both of you, and both of you are not being considerate of the other and are not talking things out together.

Gernald · Apr 2, 2012, 06:16 AM

Wait I totally missed the ex part (sorry)... changed my mind. I'm with FrChuck. You guys need to sit down and talk to each other openly and honestly. The point of being in a relationship is to depend on one another and obviously he doesn't think you trust him so why should he trust you?

I feel like we're probably getting a biased half the story here too...
If you're telling the truth, then apologize for talking to your ex and explain why you did it. Also explain that you're mad that he 'ran away' like this. Then if he's still not responsive, move on.

RlyAnnoyed · Apr 7, 2012, 09:35 PM

But I stopped running to my ex to make this work and he said shell always been a friend like what the heck

Alty · Apr 7, 2012, 10:02 PM

When did you stop running to your ex, because in your post it sounded like that was still going on. Are you and your ex still friends, or have you cut him out of you life completely?

If you're still talking to your ex, then you can't be upset about your bf's friendship with this girl.

Personally I think that he has more reason to be upset than you do. His friend is married, your ex isn't. He told you where he was going. You'd go talk to your ex in secret (at least that's what I understood from your post).

I have to agree with the others. It doesn't sound like either one of you are ready for this relationship. Neither one of you respects the others boundaries, and neither one of you can see that you're both doing the same thing you each claim to hate about the other.

talaniman · Apr 8, 2012, 04:03 PM

Way too much unnecessary drama in just 6 months, and you were both in the wrong at some time or another. So talk it out, or end the experiment. The later sounds the best, seeing as how you have not demonstrated you could talk and work things out so far.

Maybe you both are just to incompatible, or inexperienced.

RlyAnnoyed · Apr 14, 2012, 04:18 AM

No I completely cut the ex out. I'm talking blocked his # blocked his fb and email. And it was 8 months not 6 - typo. But she was a stripper and herhusband was randomly on military leave when he went to cali... I feel the advice/opinions are very biast :/

talaniman · Apr 14, 2012, 06:56 AM

Well what else would you suggest of a couple who involved the exes in the relationship? And have you talked and been reassured by him? Have you worked this out between you?

Come on you both have been arguing about either your ex who was a friend, and his friend for long enough. When are you going to act like a loving couple who works through communications to build, and not tear each other down?

As you have written, you ignored him about your friend, and now he ignores you about his. This sounds like revenge, not love.

Alty · Apr 14, 2012, 02:43 PM

Originally Posted by RlyAnnoyed

No I completely cut the ex out. I'm talking blocked his # blocked his fb and email. And it was 8 months not 6 - typo. But she was a stripper and herhusband was randomly on military leave when he went to cali... I feel the advice/opinions are very biast :/

How is it biased? We went by what you yourself wrote.

You yourself were okay with going to your ex when things went bad with the boyfriend. The boyfriend didn't like you going to your ex, but how long did it take before you finally cut contact? You didn't do it right away.

Now the boyfriend is in contact with his married ex and you don't like it.

This sounds like tit for tat. You did something he didn't like, now he's paying you back.

In other words, this isn't a relationship. It won't last because both of you are too concerned with getting one up on the other, instead of talking things out like mature adults and actually working on your relationship.

You may not like the advice, but you asked for it. Fact is, you relationship is crazy. It's not really a relationship at all. I have better relationships with people I hate.