[nita.b]

I have full custody of my 3year old daughter, bio father has visitaion hours in which he never shows up for, he would rather meet outside of them. He's been really abusive in the past, so I don't really want to be around him. Could I change my daughter's last name from his to mine? And if so, would it be wrong? We aren't married and don't live together. I also would like to know how this would affect my daughter later on in life, would this be beneficial to her, bring on a disadvantage, or would it not matter?

[JudyKayTee]

Where?

You are asking two questions - one is a moral issue and one is a legal issue.

We need to know where to give legal advice.

I don't see that the father is ignoring the child. For whatever reason the Court-ordered visitation is (apparently) not when he wants to have visitation.

Are you changing her name to punish the father in some way?

[ScottGem]

A person can use any name they want as long as there is no intent to defraud. However, a person cannot change their legal name without a court order. So you can have your daughter use your last name except where a legal name is required. For example, when you register her for school, you will probably have to produce a birth certificate. The school will need to know her legal name. However, you can request that the school use your last name except where a legal name is required.

As I said, to change her legal name requires a court order and that means the father has to agree. You didn't make it clear, but it appears he does see his daughter, just not at the scheduled times. You didn't ask about this, but if there is court ordered visitation that is specific about times, then you can hold him to that if you want. But, frankly, as long as he wants to spend time with your daughter AND gives reasonable notice about when I would not be inclined to refuse him.

As to whether its wrong to not use his name, that's actually a hard one. If he is keeping an active part in her life, then yeah I think its wrong to try and change it. Plus, it can be confusing to your daughter if she has to use two last names.

[Fr_Chuck]

You may change her name as long as you and the bio father agree to the name change.

She will always know who her bio father is, ( good or bad )

Is there a reason he can not see on scheduled days ?

[nita.b]

I asked the court for those hours and the father agreed to them. His reason for not showing is because he doesn't like the hours, but many times I offer to work with his schedule. He says he has to be at work at 5, so I offer to drop her off earlier and to pick her up earlier so that he still get the same amout of time. Each time we had this conversation, his next response would be that he doesn't want to do that. Other times he'd say that he doesn't like the police station and that he wants to pick her up from my home, but the police station is the only place I'm confterable for an exchange. I thought of changing her name because we were never married and since she's always with me it might be nice to share that with her. I know her bio father would disagree, but her name would end up changing anyway if she got married later on in life.

[cdad]

I asked the court for those hours and the father agreed to them. His reason for not showing is because he doesn't like the hours, but many times I offer to work with his schedule. He says he has to be at work at 5, so I offer to drop her off earlier and to pick her up earlier so that he still get the same amout of time. Each time we had this conversation, his next responce would be that he doesn't want to do that. Other times he'd say that he doesn't like the police station and that he wants to pick her up from my home, but the police station is the only place I'm confterable for an exchange. I thought of changing her name because we were never married and since she's always with me it might be nice to share that with her. I know her bio father would disagree, but her name would end up changing anyway if she got married later on in life.

Here is the problem Im seeing at this time. If you were to change the name. Then later down the road meet someone to share your life with you might consider remarriage and then (oh yeah) another name change to "blend" better. But if you already changed the child's name once and then again later on the courts may deny you the change based on being flippant. Name changes are a serious matter to the courts. For now I think it would be best to keep it the same as it is now until after school starts and different objections can be made as to why you want it changed.

[nita.b]

Yeah, in a discusion with my mom, I said the same thing. I'll wait for now:-) thank you so much for your opinion, response, and legal advice. Its means a lot to me.