[angeldistressed]

I am a young girl in a love relationship with a guy since few years. We are blissfully in love with each other and want to get married as soon as possible... just can't imagine our lives without each other. We are in a very strong-bonded relationship. We are both well-educated and have well-paying jobs. Having given the background... I would like to let you know the reason I am here looking for suggestions.

We both belong to different states(I don't know how it's relevant but we both are Hindus and belong to high castes). In spite of this, his side of the family loves me a lot and is ready to accept me as their daughter-in-law. His parents especially, are extremely nice to me. I am like their daughter they never had. Coming to my side of the family, my Dad had initially some reservations, but now understands that ultimately it's love that makes a relationship survive not "same-culture-stuff".

The only problem is my Mom who has given us a total thumbs-down, her main concern being OUR FAMILY'S REPUTATION. She gets all emotional and talks about how bad a daughter I am... (the truth being I've always been a very good daughter). I had introduced my boyfriend as a friend to my parents years ago and they loved him... My Mom especially treated him as her son and had lots of good things to speak about him. Only few months back did we tell them about our relationship... and now suddenly that good son has become a home-wrecker. Our family has a very good reputation which won't get damaged by me getting married to the person of my choice. And anyway, it's my life... why would I think about what the society thinks?

Am not doing something wrong... my guy is a really nice person, well-educated, has a good job, belongs to a well-off and respectable family. He has gone overboard trying to convince my Mom.. but nothing works.

I see myself married to this guy in the future and I also see our families smiling with us including my Mom. Please suggest how do I convince her? She isn't ready to have a mature conversation and starts crying like a baby by the mere mention of it..! I just don't understand... who are we hurting... the Society?? Doesn't make sense to me..! Some people in our close circles have married people from other castes... they never had such issues. Why does my Mom think our family would have any? She wants me to get married to someone else and destroy so many lives including mine... will she then be happy?! I can understand stuff only when there's some logic to it...

[JudyKayTee]

This question is posted all the time. No one here can tell you how to persuade anyone to do anything. The whole caste system is very foreign to me. If you have done yor best to explain this person's good qualities to your parents and they STILL don't want you to marry him you have two choices: marry him and estrange your family OR don't marry him at all.

And, yes, I think it's your life but I'm not part of your culture.

[talaniman]

You have to make a choice here, to please yourself, or your mother. I think its lucky you have friends who have gone through this to support you, but its between you and your guy now, and that's all that matters. All due respect to your culture, and your mom, do what's right for you.

[TormentedSoul]

I would always choose love, but then again I am American and thus part of an individualistic culture, rather than a collectivist one. Perhaps you can speak with your Dad and convince him to sway your mother, since he is on your side.

[meera muruga]

If you are sure that you can have a wonderful life with this guy why do you hesitate?
Can you forget him and live mechanically with another man?
Is it good that another person (mother) is trying to change your ideas and dreams?
Isn't your love so strong you need not be doubting and ask others their suggestions?