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stephen136 · Mar 26, 2012, 07:25 AM

Me and my girlfriend met online about 10 months ago. When we first met in person we decided to double date so I brought my cousin along as she was with her female friend who was single. Ok so on the first meeting my cousin slept with her friend and I slept with her.
Over a short space of time we were double dating intensively and we would have a few one on one dates at her place. During the double dates I noticed my girlfriend who was kind of a friends with benefits at the time was flirting quite a lot with my cousin but I didn't think much of it as we wasn't serious at the time.

Over time we grew closer and decided to get together and be a couple. I first started to feel suspicious when my cousin was showing me pictures on his phone and he had one of my girlfriend and her friend who he is seeing and another picture of just my girlfriend at her house posing in a sexy dress. I questioned him and he said his girl was at my girls house and he went to see her. I did notice that the outfits my girlfriend was wearing in both pictures were different. I asked him why he had a picture of my girlfriend alone and he got defensive and deleted it. I asked her about it and she also got defensive and said its just a picture and her friend was at her house as well. I then asked about the outfits and she said she had changed outfits anyway. I let that go but that made me watch a bit closer. The second thing that had me suspicious was one morning I woke up at my girlfriends and she was playing with her phone and I glanced over and saw her smile I then noticed she was reading a text message and the number looked familiar. I checked my phone and saw it was my cousins. I asked her to see her phone as I recognized the number to be my cousins she denied it , said no then deleted the text message. I called her a slut then stormed out and left.

She then sent me a text saying she is sorry she lied to me it was my cousins number but nothing is going on she swears and he randomly messages her from time to time asking, how me and her are getting along. I asked my cousin and he said he doesn't have her number and was mumbling when I told him what he said he changed his tune and said he contacted her ages ago. I told him I don't appreciate him contacted my girlfriend. Anyway after we had another double date and I noticed they wasn't talking and didn't even make eye contact which I feel was very strange. I was at my girlfriends the other night and I checked her phone and I saw a missed call from my cousin in her call register. What do you guys think? Is she cheating?

Schoolmarm97 · Mar 26, 2012, 08:27 AM

First off, I don't think "girlfriend" is necessarily the right word. Though as time has gone by, you seem to have decided to become exclusive, you weren't at the beginning. She was an online date who slept with you on your very first meeting before either of you had even decided whether there would be a relationship, which suggests that she wasn't really looking for commitment at that point, nor were you. That's not a great way to start, but it is what it is. It was wise including your cousin and her friend as there's safety in numbers (and less "he said/she said" should things go seriously south).

I think it's possible that by including your cousin and the other female you set up a friendship between your new lover and your cousin. It doesn't necessarily have to mean more than that, but it could be that they're discussing you behind your back. I pretty much can guarantee that that's what I would be doing! In fact, it's what I did. LOL It's pretty common behavior to use a common friend as an ally. Since none of her friends knew you, he was the only one she could talk to about you and your relationship.

It's ironic that you called her a slut. You slept with her on your first meeting. What was she then? And you? Not to yank your chain, but you didn't exactly meet at a church supper, know what I mean? You owe her an apology for that name-calling episode. It was childish and unreasonable.

Still, I'd go with my first instinct which is that she and your cousin became cohorts, not necessarily lovers, and you really can't stop them from talking/texting with each other since you introduced them in the first place. Just ride with it for a while and see how things go before you go all dramatic and confront everyone. Want to guarantee that nothing will come of your new relationship, just go on and make a few unfounded accusations and toss in some more name-calling.

Fr_Chuck · Mar 26, 2012, 08:32 AM

Sounds like she may be, of course sounds like she or you would sleep with anyone that gave them a chance.

You treat her like a booty call, dates at her place, do they involve anything other than sex?

stephen136 · Mar 26, 2012, 08:52 AM

Yes we do she cooks for me , we kiss we cuddle watch movies etc and she was the one that suggested getting into a relationship. I found it quite weird that she started cooking for me out of the blue because at first she didn't seem interested. She also gave me a key to her house but I gave it back when we had a recent argument. I think my cousin is sleeping with her because about a month or 2 after we first met he suggested swapping girls and he would keep asking me about her all the time, she would mention his name to me a lot as well and all of a sudden that stopped. He phones me a lot at night time asking me where I am ? Which I find quite weird. A lot of things just don't add up.

DoulaLC · Mar 26, 2012, 01:38 PM

stephen136,

It can certainly sound very suspicious when you look at it as such. Or it could be two friends chatting as was mentioned. It depends on how you want to view it.

If you don't feel that you trust the two of them, then end the relationship. IF they are seeing each other on the sly, they aren't likely to tell you, so you either continue to remain with her, and wonder about what may or may not be going on when you aren't around, or you end it and move on so that you can meet someone who you feel you can trust.

If it doesn't feel right, then don't stay in it.

mmresd · Mar 26, 2012, 02:27 PM

Who knows? If you are this much invested into proving that she is cheating on you and with your cousin out of all people, I would recommend to end the relationship. You will always find what you are looking for in a moment of jealousy, even if it doesn't exist. If there is no trust, there is no relationship.

stephen136 · Mar 26, 2012, 05:07 PM

I love this girl but like you say if there is no trust there is no relationship. If I stay with her its going to bother me. I need to stay away from her and let my heart heel I think.

mmresd · Mar 27, 2012, 10:15 AM

Definitely, is better to stay single and working on yourself, than to stay in a stressful relationship. It is like a ticking time bomb.

talaniman · Mar 27, 2012, 10:17 PM

You are right, no trust, no relationship.

PG SEXY · Apr 11, 2012, 03:50 AM

If there is no Trust there will never be trust, because at the back of your head you will always be wondering what they both up to or what is her next motive or move.. Trust and Communication play a big role in a relationship, if there isn't any, then there's no use being in it, becomes dead wood anyway