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princessdiva · Mar 26, 2012, 05:50 AM

I am 26 years old and I've been married for 4 years, no children yet but we are planning to try next year after we finish our studies. My marriage is quite complicated, not because I want to but I am a normal human who have feelings too. Please do not jump to conclusions, I just want some guidelines!

In 4 years, I only did intercourse with my husband once because he feels pain and according to the doctor, he needs to be circumcized. The operation is quite a painful one and every time we talk about it he tells me that once we plan to have children, he will take it from there and see how it goes. In the meantime, we rarely have sex and we are like two close friends living under the same roof. I certainly know that he loves to watch porn while I'm out and masturbates on his own. I am sure that he has no affairs because he is a one-woman man. I tried my best with him like wearing sexy lingerie, cuddle him but he doesn't take the hint. I do not want to leave him because he is a kind-hearted man and I always found him in times of despair.

As I said previously, this has been going on for years and I met a married man and had sex with him as well. We both agreed that we do not have plans to leave our spouse because in real life, we can never belong to each other because he is 55 years old. In this person, I found the love I've been searching for a long time but I know that we cannot belong to each other. I know that fidelity is suppose to be forever for good and bad but I feel so alone, unloved (in a sexual way). I think he is doing bad as well for putting porn before me. I also tried to speak with a marriage counselor and I was told that our relationship is quite close to an open relationship but things remained the same. I know that he wants to have sex with me only to have children.

Any help please? I am so confused and hurt...

JudyKayTee · Mar 26, 2012, 06:49 AM

Adult circumcision (from what I am reading) isn't "quite painful." All surgery is painful to a certain extent, of course. You husband prefers to masturbate? Have you taken part, "assisting him" whle he masturbates? And intercourse is not the only sexual activity - have you tried other things, for example, oral?

I find cheating on your husband never solves a problem. It does make the existing problem worse. Open relationships involve both married parties agreeing that either one can become sexually involved with a third person - is that what you are saying? Your husband knows about your relationship with the married man?

I think you need to speak to a counsellor again - or someone else, perhaps a Physician - because I don't see anything changing. I don't have a problem if both parties are satisfied with a relationship without sex (or intercourse) but that is not your case.

You are unhappy in your marriage. You know how empty you feel. How can you hurt another woman, knowing what will happen if she finds out you are having sex with her husband, leaving her unhappy and devastated?

EDIT: You asked this same question last year. https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/marria...ed-610767.html These posts should be combined. Last year you didn't take anyone's advice. What is different this year?

I have also found a number of posts about this relationship - https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/adult-...n-315057.html; https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/womens...y-348380.html; https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/adult-...e-143441.html; https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/dating...nd-142072.html

You need to speak to a professional. Your marriage/relationship was complicated from the start.

princessdiva · Mar 27, 2012, 12:27 AM

Yes you are right, I've posted the same problem again, tried to take lots of advices but he doesn't seem to listen. Maybe I need to be more precise: he masturbates while I'm not at home, he takes the opportunity to watch some porn and he never approaches me to spend some time together. Yes he knows about my relationship with the other man as I tried to be honest no matter what. Maybe it sounds crazy but there were times where he used to enjoy it and there were other times where he used to question things. The other man has a very bad sexual life with his wife though he still remained with his wife like I stayed with my husband.. I know that this will not solve anything you are absolutely right but in him I found the love of a man I never had. Another thing, lets suppose I stop seeing this man as it should be and life will still remain the same for me, being ignored and watching porn. I think this is as serious as cheating. It is true that he never cheated on me with other women but porn is just as bad. I am not against porn because all men watch it but I don't think its normal for a married man to please himself by watching porn and ignoring his wife!

JudyKayTee · Mar 27, 2012, 05:21 AM

Sorry, but I think watching porn is one thing and "cheating" with a married man is another. I also don't know that all men watch porn.

Do I think it's normal for a married man to never have intercourse with his wife and prefer to masturbate to porn? No.

You only know what your married boyfriend tells you about his marriage. For all you know his wife is posting somewhere that her husband isn't having sex with her and she doesn't know why.

And, no, your life doesn't have to remain the same. Your relationship is full of problems. Why do you stay? You've been asking about it for years. Take the advice. If you are better without him than you are with him, leave.