[Begoren]

Hi there,

So long story. My boyfriend of 16 months (we live together) just broke up with me. Last June, his 24 year old brother died in his sleep. My boyfriend was grieving, but fell into a deep depression. He says he hates everything about his life, everything is meaningless, he's gaining weight, and that he knows this will never get better. On my end, I have become very anxious- I went from someone telling me they love me and want to be with me forever, to complete distance. I am currently in therapy for my anxiety and coping skills for this.

Back to the break up-
The night before it he told me he loved me (without any prompting) and that there is no one else for him. Then Saturday morning we got into an argument and he broke up with me. He said he doesn't want me anymore, he doesn't love me. He was cold and distant so backed off, and approached him later. He then said that he knows his mood will never be better and its hurting me to stay, and he doesn't want to torture me through this. All I want to do is support him. I asked him if he could love another girl and he said no , there is no love in me. I am having a hard time with distinguishing what is the depression talking, what he really thinks, and what he is just saying to hurt me to make me accept it. This was out of the blue and up until this point he had been asking me to just wait it out for him. He said he had hoped he could come out of the depression and fall back in love with me, but now he knows it will never get better.

We are moving separately at the end of April, but what do I do? I want this relationship to work- I love him so much and still want my life with him. I truly believe he came out of this he would be happy, and we would work. By the way- he refuses to get help at this point.

[talaniman]

I think you both have to go through a proper healing without each other. Then see what happens. Sorry for your going through this. But you cannot help someone that doesn't want help.