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Andre Marques · Mar 24, 2012, 03:25 AM

Um, I never done this before but, I'm getting kind of frustrated, because I met this girl at school, and since I saw her we've been really close friends and we would talk for hours and help each other on what we needed. But there is a catch she has a boyfriend, and he is a douche.

The girl I met is awesome, we enjoy a little weed, but we don't let It interfere with school, her boyfriend smokes like a chimney and in result he Is 17 almost 18 and still in the 9th grade. She is such a great person, beautiful and smart.

Recently we've been growing apart and It's killing me, each time we run Into each other we barely talk and when we do and start talking like we used to, she starts saying that she Is texting her boyfriend and starts talking about him forever. It hurts me that such a smart girl that is going to college next year, is getting so side tracked by her boyfriend and weed, I also fear for her future. What can I do?

Homegirl 50 · Mar 24, 2012, 04:03 AM

She has a boyfriend that she obviously wants to be with, so you leave her alone.

Fr_Chuck · Mar 24, 2012, 04:14 AM

Yes, first you are not in "love" you are what teenagers think is love but love only grows from two way relationships over time. She was your friend, that is all she wanted and you wanted or expected more. That is why you are growing apart.
If you can not just be her friend, you will grow further apart.

talaniman · Mar 24, 2012, 06:41 AM

Sorry guy, but romantic notions and your feelings make you a lousy friend, and for whatever reason, she is a lot more into her boyfriend than you. So either just be a friend, or leave her alone.

Deal with your own feelings, and do what's right, before you even think about changing the heart, and mind of another. Obviously she has a love, as flawed as it may be, so doesn't want, or need yours.

Mmgraham23 · Mar 24, 2012, 02:31 PM

Tell it to her Stright she either will get it or not

Andre Marques · Mar 26, 2012, 01:48 AM

But I am still her friend how am I supposed to just let her ruin her future, she could be someone with an incredible job and have everything she wants...

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

Yes, first you are not in "love" you are what teenagers think is love but love only grows from two way relationships over time. She was your friend, that is all she wanted and you wanted or expected more. That is why you are growing apart.
If you can not just be her friend, you will grow further apart.

No disrispect but I believe you were also a teenager and you also went through something like this so please don't say things like that because I know about all of that...

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

She has a boyfriend that she obviously wants to be with, so you leave her alone.

But I am still her friend how am I supposed to just let her ruin her future, she could be someone with an incredible job and have everything she wants...

talaniman · Mar 26, 2012, 03:53 AM

It doesn't matter what your feelings are, you are not that kind of friend to her that you can make her do what YOU think is right. That is her decision, and her choice, and she has a right to make them. She also has the right to make her mistakes, and pay for them, as do we all.

You cannot control her, and despite YOUR feelings, she is not as influenced by you as you would like. Yes it's a sad part of life, being powerless over others, but that's the way it is. Right or wrong, she has no obligation to listen to you, and whatever friendship you think you have, her feelings are different than yours.

Andre Marques · Mar 26, 2012, 05:01 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

It doesn't matter what your feelings are, you are not that kind of friend to her that you can make her do what YOU think is right. That is her decision, and her choice, and she has a right to make them. She also has the right to make her mistakes, and pay for them, as do we all.

You cannot control her, and despite YOUR feelings, she is not as influenced by you as you would like. Yes its a sad part of life, being powerless over others, but thats the way it is. Right or wrong, she has no obligation to listen to you, and whatever friendship you think you have, her feelings are different than yours.

I know I can't control her but I can try and help her take the right path in life, I'm not saying the right path is being with me, I'm saying the right path is to be educated and have a good future, at least that's what I tried before but with no success. And so I let her make her decisions. And she is still in the worpng way, if she keeps this up, she won't make it past high school, but I guess I'm powerless on that. I've given up those emotions a long time ago since I know she has a boyfriend and only acted as her friend, and as her friend I'm woried about her and her future. But you are right I there is nothing I can do... thank you though...

MsKatieJareau · Mar 29, 2012, 04:27 AM

I'm almost seventeen, and although I'm not experienced in romantic relationships, I am experienced in friendship. I try my best to not let my emotions cloud my judgement nor do I let my better judgement destroy a friendship.

The best thing you can do now is to just be supportive of her. If you choose to tell her how you feel, just tell her how you feel! Do nothing more than just that. Do not tell her what do to or give her advice. We girls are quite emotionally-driven and understand better when feelings are involved. Perhaps that is why she is making these bad decisions for her future. She is so emotionally invested in her boyfriend that she is disregarding her own needs. "Don't think, just feel" is both kind of our power and defeat. So, be sure to be sensitive.

Best of luck to you!

spunkymonkey213 · Mar 31, 2012, 09:49 PM

If you want to ask her out, you should wait until she has broken up with her crappy boyfriend and then you can go for it. And if she is going to collage next year and her boyfriend is in 9th grade still, then she just might end up breaking up with him pretty soon.

- best wishes

cloughlee30 · Apr 27, 2012, 04:02 PM

Hey, listen I am in the same position as you are now. I am 18 and have been in love with a girl for 2 years. She has a boyfriend too, and I have had 2 girlfriends in that 2 years but lost them because no other person is more important to me than her. I know exactly how much it hurts to know that they are with somebody else and that their future is washing away but all you can do is be there no matter what, to support them and help them pick up the pieces if/when something goes wrong because in time she will realize how much you really love her. And there is a good chance that she will quickly realize that she has the same feelings for you burning away inside her that she has chosen to hide. I feel like a little bit more of me dies every time she mentions her boyfriend and I imagine you feel the same, but never give up. At the very least make your friendship strong again and settle for that because the last thing you want to do is lose that as well. I cam empathize with you strongly and I hope you get the most important girl in your life.

Never ever give up!

Lee